


Where We've Been (is who we are)

by DeathBelle



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Background Semishira - Freeform, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, Getting Together, Kind of a slow burn if you don't count the first chapter, M/M, Piercings, Pining, Post-Canon, Smoking, alcohol use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-09
Updated: 2019-04-06
Packaged: 2019-10-24 19:31:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 54,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17710238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeathBelle/pseuds/DeathBelle
Summary: After high school, Tendou went off the radar. He moved to Tokyo, changed his number, and pretended to forget about his teammates.Five years later they catch up with him, and this time it isn't so easy to shake them off. Especially Semi, who is fresh out of a broken relationship and just as irresistible as Tendou remembers. They share a tipsy night together, followed by a morning of regret. Semi goes back to his boyfriend, their ex-teammate, and Tendou knows he should forget all about him.But he doesn't think he can let Semi go this time; Not again.A story of bad decisions, old feelings, and second chances.





	1. Chapter 1

Tendou woke to morning sunlight in his face and a warm body pressed against his chest. He floated along at the edge of consciousness, bobbing in and out of his doze like he was riding gentle waves.

Everything was peaceful. The sound of traffic was present, bleeding through the thin apartment walls, but it was distant, expected. He breathed in and caught a whiff of cool spice and leather. The smell was familiar, comforting. It smelled like Semi.

… _Semi._

Tendou’s eyes flew open, his breath hitching. His fingers twitched, but he didn’t let himself move. Semi was lying half on top of him, his head pillowed on Tendou’s chest. Tendou’s arm was around his shoulders, skin against bare skin. Semi radiated heat, and it was much too warm beneath Tendou’s double-layered sheets, but he didn’t consider moving. He would’ve stayed right there for the rest of his life and been perfectly content.

He bit the inside of his cheek and winced at the pain.

This wasn’t a dream, then. Last night had actually happened.

Tendou’s mouth curved into a grin. 

_Last night had actually happened._

He ran his fingers through Semi’s hair, cherishing the satin texture. He’d always wondered what Semi’s hair felt like, even when they were in high school, but he’d never thought he would get the chance to find out.

It was as soft as he’d imagined, like silk flowing through his fingers.

Semi stirred, nuzzling closer against Tendou’s chest. A crease appeared in his brow, his hands curling into loose fists. 

“Good morning, Semi-Semi,” murmured Tendou. He pressed a light kiss on top of Semi’s head. “You’re cute when you sleep. You look like a baby bunny.”

Semi’s creased brow deepened into a frown. He shifted, tilted his face up, and opened his eyes. They were impossibly dark, almost as black as the smudged liner at the corners of his lashes. He looked at Tendou, squinting from the glare of the early sun slanting through the blinds.

He just stared at first, confusion brewing behind his eyes. All at once he flailed away from Tendou and scrambled backward, falling half out of the bed. 

Tendou would have laughed if he hadn’t recognized the flash of panic on Semi’s face.

“Semi-Semi?” he said. He sat up, the air of the apartment refreshingly cool against his skin. “You alright?”

Semi’s gaze flickered down to Tendou’s bare chest. He squeezed his eyes closed, shook his head, and said, “What the _fuck_?”

The light mood of the morning fell away, leaving a heavy stone in Tendou’s gut. “What’s wrong?”

Semi shook his head again. It whipped back and forth so quickly that Tendou feared his neck would snap. “What is this? Why are you…” He opened his eyes and looked down at himself. He was naked. “No,” said Semi. He scanned the room, frantic, and spotted the messy pile of clothes near the foot of Tendou’s bed. He lunged for them, stepping into his underwear and yanking them on. His face was flushed. “This isn’t… this didn’t happen.”

The stone in Tendou’s gut sank lower. A sick burst of dread pulsed through his veins. “Semi-Semi? What do you-”

“Don’t call me that,” snapped Semi. He tried to shake some of the wrinkles out of his shirt, but it was still a rumpled mess when he pulled it over his head and reached for his pants. “I have to go home. I don’t know what I’m even doing here.”

“You know exactly what you were doing here.”

Semi turned to face him, but didn’t quite look at him. “Nothing happened. I shouldn’t be here.”

A deep current of pain cut Tendou to the core. His throat felt tight, the first hint that his emotions were about to swoop in and seize him like a bird of prey. He felt like crying. 

Instead, he bundled up that pain and shoved it into a dark corner of his head.

“That’s funny, Semi-Semi,” said Tendou lightly, tilting his head with a grin. It was so forced that it stung. “I specifically remember a lot of things happening.”

“Shut up, Tendou.” Semi ran a hand through his wrecked hair. He glanced toward the door and his foot twitched toward it, as if he was desperate to escape.

That should have hurt Tendou even more.

He swallowed it down and dove into a pool of practiced bitterness.

“Why should I?” said Tendou. He lounged back on his elbows, looking up at Semi through half-lidded eyes. “You didn’t shut up all night. Especially not while I was-”

“Stop it,” said Semi. His eyes darted around the room, as if he was afraid someone would overhear. “I was drunk. I didn’t know what I was doing.”

Tendou raised a brow. “We were both a little drunk. Doesn’t mean you can use that as an excuse. I knew exactly what I was doing.”

“This didn’t happen,” said Semi again. He still couldn’t look at Tendou. “I can’t do this. I’m not… I have a boyfriend. I can’t… I _didn’t_ -”

“Woah, hang on, hold up,” said Tendou. He sat up, back slightly hunched, wide eyes stuck to Semi. “You said you broke up.”

Semi grimaced and pressed a palm against his forehead. “We did. We broke up, but we break up all the time. We do it so often I’m not sure it even counts anymore. We always just get back together a couple days later and pretend it didn’t happen, and fuck, this _didn’t happen_ , Tendou.”

Tendou’s chest felt hollow. He gave Semi a smile that was so fake it should have been plastic. “Sure, Semi-Semi. It didn’t happen. Whatever helps you sleep at night.”

Semi dropped his hands and finally looked at Tendou. “You can’t tell anyone. Please, Tendou. Not even Ushijima.”

The fake smile widened. Tendou thought his skin would split beneath the pressure. “No need to worry about that. Last night was the first time I’ve talked to Wakatoshi in five years. I doubt I’ll see him again soon.”

Semi was fidgety, uncertain. He looked at the door again.

Tendou sighed and let himself fall back onto the bed. “Just go. I won't tell anyone. Your shameful little secret is safe with me.”

The beat of silence that followed was thick and tense. Tendou wondered if this was the sort of awkward morning-after they talked about in movies. He’d never experienced one before.

“Okay,” said Semi quietly. “Okay, thanks. I’ll just... I’ll just leave.”

Tendou gave a dismissive wave of his fingers without raising his head. He closed his eyes and listened to himself breathe.

After a lingering hesitation, door of the bedroom squeaked open. A few heartbeats later, the slam of the front door followed. 

Semi was gone, and Tendou expected he would never see him again.

Tendou rolled onto his side and pulled his pillow tight over his face. He entertained the idea of suffocating himself, but gave it up when he realized the pillow still smelled of Semi. Instead he flung it across the room and let his head rest at an uncomfortable angle on the mattress.

Tendou was used to making mistakes.

Usually, though, he knew he was making a mistake the second that he decided to make it. This one had blindsided him. It had hit him like one of Ushijima’s spikes, and he’d taken the blow directly to the face. 

He wasn’t mad at Semi. He didn’t know if he was capable of being mad at Semi.

Nursing a dose of anger for himself, however, was much more reasonable.

Tendou should have known better, because good things like this didn’t happen to him. 

He yanked the sheets over his head, closed his eyes, and tucked the pain of rejection away just a little bit further.

If he pretended it didn’t hurt, that meant he didn’t have to feel it.

  
  
  
  
  
All of this Reon’s fault, in a roundabout sort of way. Reon was the one who decided it had been too long since they’d seen one another. Reon was the one who’d contacted everyone and convinced them to meet up for dinner.

Tendou had said no, but Reon had turned the situation over to Yamagata, who had harassed Tendou into grudging agreement.

There was a reason why Tendou hadn’t spoken to any of them since high school. Since then, he’d assumed they’d forgotten his existence, and was both relieved and disappointed to discover that they had not.

High school had been good to Tendou. From his second year onward, he’d been a starting player on one of the strongest teams in the prefecture. No one bullied him, the way they’d done in middle school, probably because he was always surrounded by his highly popular teammates. 

High school had been good. 

After that, not so much.

He hadn’t seen any of them for exactly five years, which was the milestone that prompted Reon to gather them together. Tendou still wasn’t sure how Reon had gotten his number. He’d changed it the day after he’d graduated high school.

Somehow, though, Reon had tracked him down. And somehow Tendou had been coerced into stepping into an unfamiliar restaurant on a Friday night, hands tucked deep in the pockets of his jeans, pulse quick with a touch of nerves. 

He shouldn’t have been anxious. These guys had been his friends, once. They were good people.

But a lot could change in five years.

Sour uncertainty had his heart racing even more quickly when the hostess led him toward the back of the building and he caught sight of them, sitting at a table in the corner, a wave of laughter crashing between them like a strong tide.

He stared for a moment too long, wanting to approach, wanting even more to leave. He was still standing there when Yamagata looked up and noticed him.

“Yo, Tendou!” he said, waving his hand in a wide sweep. 

The other four heads swiveled in his direction, familiar eyes pinning him in place. Tendou sucked in a breath, put on his smuggest smile, and swaggered over. 

“Sorry I’m late,” he said airily.

_I didn’t want to come._

“We’re just glad you made it,” said Reon. 

Tendou sat in the vacant chair next to him. Yamagata leaned across the table and extended his fist with a wide grin. Tendou reached out to bump his own against it.

“Good to see you, man!” said Yamagata.

“Welcome.” The bass rumble both doubled Tendou’s anxiety and gave him a burst of relief. 

Tendou looked at Ushijima in person for the first time in five years, and it felt a little like coming home.

“Hey, Wakatoshi-kun,” said Tendou, his smile growing more genuine. “Long time no see.”

Ushijima nodded in agreement. “You look well.”

“Healthy diet and exercise,” said Tendou with false solemnity. “You should try it. You’re terribly out of shape.”

The muscles stretching the sleeves of Ushijima’s shirt suggested otherwise.

There was a snort from directly across the table, and a voice that had cameoed in Tendou’s dreams on more than one occasion.

“You haven’t changed at all. Figures.”

Tendou mentally braced himself, took a breath, and slowly dragged his eyes to Semi.

It was like looking into an abyss of starlight; beautiful and captivating, but if he stared too long, he would be lost forever. 

Tendou propped his chin on his hand and flicked his gaze slightly to the left, over Semi’s shoulder. “Would you have me any other way, Semi-Semi?”

“I have heightened my training regimen,” said Ushijima. “I am actually in peak physical condition.”

This time Tendou’s smile was softer, with a touch more fondness than he cared to admit. “I know, Wakatoshi. You could crush my skull with your thighs.”

Ushijima frowned. He seemed to be pondering the accuracy of that. 

Before he thought too hard on it, a waitress flitted over to their table, smiling at the group. “I see the last member of your party has arrived. Can I get your drinks?”

She jotted down notes as they offered their requests. Tendou listened with a touch of skepticism. All of them ordered water.

When his turn cycled around, he said, “Get me a beer, whatever you’ve got on tap that’s cheap.” After a split second of consideration, he added, “and a couple shots of tequila, too.” There was no way he would make it through dinner without a little alcohol assistance.

The others stared at him; all except for one.

“Thank god,” mumbled Semi. Then, more loudly: “I want a beer, too. The same kind is fine.”

The waitress flicked her wrist as she finished writing and swept away to fetch the drinks.

Tendou shared a glance with Semi, who seemed a little relieved. Tendou couldn’t look at him too long, though. Instead he focused on Yamagata, who’d jumped back into whatever conversation they’d been in the middle of when Tendou had arrived.

Tendou half-followed the conversation and half-stayed inside his own head. It was a balance that he’d perfected in elementary school. Back then, being inside his head was often better than existing in his surroundings.

Yamagata chattered on about his job – he was a personal trainer, which wasn’t surprising – and when it seemed everyone was absorbed in the retelling of an incident from the week before, Tendou slid a subtle glance across the table.

Semi sat with his elbows propped in front of him, leaning forward to see Yamagata around Ushijima’s bulk. Tendou’s eyes lingered, tracing Semi’s profile, and he made himself look away. To distract himself, he glanced around at the rest of them. Five years seemed like a long time, but for the most part, they looked the same. Reon’s hair was buzzed short, and there was a ghost of stubble shading his face. Yamagata, adversely, had let his hair grow longer while still maintaining his undercut. The longer part was pulled into a tidy bun at the back of his head, and Tendou made a mental note to tease him about that. Ushijima looked the same as ever, though his muscle mass now resembled that of an ox rather than a large bull. 

Semi, though… Semi was different.

Semi had always been attractive, but the past five years had been exceptionally kind. Subtly, Tendou looked back across the table.

Semi’s jaw was stronger and his shoulders were wider. His sleeves were pushed up to his elbows, and his forearms were sturdy and solid. His hair was styled a little differently, and he’d reversed his dye job. His hair was dark, flowing into bleached-out tips. 

Semi’s head turned a little as he laughed at Yamagata, and there was a flash of silver on the upper shell of his ear, mostly covered by a sweep of hair. 

Tendou’s mouth went dry.

Semi chose that moment to glance across the table and meet Tendou’s eyes. Semi raised a brow, and Tendou belatedly noticed the black metal bar that cut through his eyebrow. 

Semi had barely even spoken to him and Tendou was already suffering. 

By some gift of fate, the waitress returned before Tendou had to try and explain away his staring. As soon as the drinks hit the table, Tendou plucked a shot between long fingers and threw it back, wincing a little from the burn. He reached for the other one and leaned into Reon with a curved grin. 

“Want a little taste?” said Tendou, swishing the tequila inside the clear glass. “I bet you’re fun when you’re drunk.”

“No thanks,” said Reon. “My team has a game tomorrow.” His eyes darted to Semi, who’d just raised his beer to his lips.

“Don’t look at me like that,” said Semi with a roll of his eyes. They were traced with black liner and Tendou had to immediately look away. “It’s just one beer. It won’t kill me.”

“You guys still play?” said Tendou, mostly directing the question toward Reon.

“Casually,” said Reon with a shrug. “We’re on a community team. We have matches and tournaments but it isn’t anything serious. Just something to stay in shape.”

“Since it’s not serious,” said Semi wryly, “it doesn’t matter if I have more than one, right?” He tipped his beer back and drained half of it in one long gulp. As he wiped his hand across the back of his mouth, his eyes caught on Tendou again. 

Tendou took his other shot.

“Do you still play?” asked Yamagata.

There was an unpleasant swoop in Tendou’s gut, but he played it off with a grin. “Nah, I quit after high school. There’s a big world out there. Greener pastures, right?”

Ushijima was staring at him, but Tendou didn’t look back.

“You and Yamagata are the only ones who don’t play anymore,” said Reon. 

“I don’t need to.” Yamagata raised his arms, grinning as he flexed. “My gym routine keeps me looking good.”

Tendou snorted, and Ushijima simply frowned at Yamagata’s pose before reaching for his water.

Ushijima still played, of course. He’d been a starter on his university team, and as of a year ago he’d been recruited to play for the national team. Tendou hadn’t spoken to him in five years, but he hadn’t failed to tune into a single match.

“Kawanishi quit too, didn’t he?” said Reon.

Semi nodded. “He played his first year of university but then gave it up.”

Tendou was disappointed to hear that, but he couldn’t disapprove without being a complete hypocrite.

“The others still play, though,” said Yamagata. “Shirabu and Goshiki make a pretty good team, huh?”

He was looking at Semi, who scowled down at his beer. 

“Goshiki is performing very well,” said Ushijima. “My manager said if he continues to excel that he will have a chance of continuing his volleyball career when he finishes university.”

“What about Shirabu?” said Yamagata. He leaned forward to look at Semi. “How’s he doing?”

Semi’s scowl deepened. He took another drink before answering. “He’s fine.”

“He’s in his last year of uni, right?”

“Yeah.”

There was a pause. It was quite clear that Semi didn’t want to talk about this, but Yamagata had never been the most tactful among them.

“How’re you guys doing, then?” said Yamagata. 

Semi winced.

Tendou looked between the two of them, hoping Yamagata wasn’t implying what it sounded like he was implying.

“We broke up,” Semi mumbled into his beer. 

“Again?”

“Shut up, Hayato.”

“Let’s talk about something else,” suggested Reon. “Ushijima, have you seen-”

“You’re dating _Shirabu_?” said Tendou, too late and too loudly. It was rude and abrupt and he shouldn’t have said it, but he couldn’t control his disbelief. 

He hadn’t even known Semi liked guys. He definitely hadn’t known Semi liked _Shirabu_.

“We broke up,” Semi said again, the words sliding through his teeth. 

“But you _were_ dating him.”

“That’s what I said.”

“But why?”

Reon nudged Tendou with his elbow, a gentle suggestion to keep his less civil thoughts to himself.

Semi’s scowl cut through Tendou like a serrated blade.

“Maybe if you’d spoken to any of us in the past five years,” said Semi, “you would know why.”

Once, during a qualifying match, Tendou had taken a volleyball to the gut. It had been a strong spike, and he’d been standing in the exact wrong place. His guessing hadn’t been very accurate that day. The ball had hit him hard, and he’d hit the ground immediately. 

Semi’s words hit him even harder than that stray ball. They cut through his chest, leaving icy regret in their wake. His breath caught, stolen by the sudden chill in Semi’s stare.

“Anyway,” said Reon, cautiously venturing into the conversational wasteland. “You have a match coming up next weekend, right, Ushijima? Are you looking forward to it?”

The attention was redirected to Ushijima, but Tendou felt only a little relief. Semi was still looking at him. 

Tendou should have said something. An apology, preferably; both for disappearing off of their social radar and for asking so many prying questions. Semi’s personal life was none of his business, and that had been Tendou’s choice. He’d cut all of them out of his life intentionally. He wasn’t allowed to be bitter over the outcome now.

Even if the thought of Semi and Shirabu together made him want to scream.

He expected the rest of the dinner to be tense, but the awkwardness faded after a couple of hours and a few more drinks. Semi even spoke to him, though it was brief and the conversations remained in safe territory.

No one mentioned Shirabu again, and Tendou tried not to think about it.

By the time they’d eaten and Ushijima mentioned heading home, Tendou had drank enough alcohol to fade out his social discomfort. He had an arm slung around Reon’s shoulders, laughing at one of Yamagata’s jokes with a little too much enthusiasm.

He wasn’t drunk, not quite, but he certainly felt much better.

Semi seemed to be in a similar state. He nursed his final beer slowly, slouched comfortably in his chair, wearing a vague smile that Tendou had never seen on him. 

When they decided to leave, they migrated to the front of the building together. Tendou felt a little floaty, but he was stable. 

“Thanks for coming, guys,” said Reon. “We need to do this again soon. It was good to see everyone.”

They all chimed in with similar sentiments; everyone except for Tendou. He hovered awkwardly at the edge of the group, waiting for them to wrap it up.

“Tendou.”

He looked up and found Ushijima watching him with an intensity he typically reserved for the volleyball court. 

“Yeah?” said Tendou, uncertain.

“Stay in touch,” said Ushijima. “Do not disappear again.”

Tendou grinned. It was easier to fake the expression through his slight inebriation. “Sure, Waka. Whatever you say.”

Reon briefly gripped Tendou’s shoulder, seconding Ushijima’s sentiment. 

He, Yamagata, and Ushijima headed off in one direction while Tendou and Semi broke away in the other.

Silence hung between them. If they hadn’t been drinking, it probably would have been uncomfortable. As it was, Tendou broke into conversation with little hesitation. “You live this way, Semi-Semi?”

“I live on the other side of town,” said Semi. “The bus stop is this way.”

“It’s kinda late to take the bus. This is when all the freaks come out.”

“Well you’re the biggest freak I’ve ever met, so I’m not worried about it.”

It wasn’t said with menace, and Tendou found himself grinning. “You don’t know that, Semi-Semi. You haven’t seen me in a long time. Maybe I’m normal now.”

Semi raised a brow at him. Tendou noticed, distantly, that Semi was slightly taller than he remembered, but Tendou still had to tilt his head down to look at him.

“No,” said Semi simply. “You’re not. It would be weird if you were.”

“That almost sounded like a compliment.”

Semi smirked. “You must’ve misheard.”

Tendou laughed. That wasn’t particularly funny, but he laughed anyway. It felt good, like the sound made him lighter. Even Semi smiled a little more widely.

“But really,” said Tendou, when Semi tried to break away at the corner. “It’s too late to ride the bus. Stay over with me for the night. My place is just a couple blocks away.”

Semi shook his head but his brow was knitted, as if he was considering it. “No, that’s fine. I’ll be alright.”

“I’m sure you will be,” agreed Tendou, “but this is easier. I’ve got a nice couch with your name on it, Semi-Semi.”

It took a little more prompting, but Semi agreed. They walked the last couple of blocks and took the elevator up to Tendou’s apartment. As Tendou unlocked the door, struggling just a little with the key, Semi stared around the hallway.

“This place is kind of a dump,” he said, as Tendou jiggled the knob and the door finally swung open. 

“If it’s not up to your standards feel free to leave,” said Tendou. He took a step back and made a grand gesture toward the door. “Or you can spend the night here in the slums with me. The cockroaches are small, I promise.”

Semi rolled his eyes and moved past Tendou, into the apartment.

Tendou caught a whiff of him as he passed; cool spice and warm leather.

It was nearly as intoxicating as the alcohol.

Semi knelt to untie his boots, then wandered into the middle of Tendou’s living room, looking around with quiet interest.

Tendou was vaguely aware that he hadn’t tidied up in a week or two, and if he hadn’t been a little tipsy he would have been self-conscious about it.

“You’re still a slob,” said Semi. It was conversational, no bite of judgment in the words. His eyes skimmed over a messy stack of manga on the coffee table. “You literally haven’t changed at all.”

“Not true,” said Tendou. “I’m much more mature and responsible. See that plant over there? I’ve kept it alive for three months now. That’s responsibility.”

Semi snorted. “Right.”

“You’ve changed a lot, though,” said Tendou. He took a step nearer and flicked at Semi’s bangs, which had fallen to conceal the piercing in his eyebrow. “You’re so edgy, Semi-Semi. When did you turn into a bad boy?”

He only realized exactly how close he’d gotten when Semi looked up at him, and Tendou could feel his breath and see his individual eyelashes. Tendou swallowed and started to move back but Semi gripped a fistful of his shirt and kept him there.

“Where did you go?” said Semi, his voice low. His eyes were a little glassy from the alcohol, but his stare was still sharp. “Five years, Tendou. Why would you just disappear like that?”

Tendou was a little too buzzed to feel guilty, but not buzzed enough to ignore the warm feeling spreading beneath his skin. The last time he’d been this close to Semi had been on graduation, when he’d forced Semi into a congratulatory hug. It had also been a farewell hug, but Semi hadn’t known that. Tendou had expected to get kicked for it, but Semi had surprisingly hugged him back. 

He still thought about that, sometimes. He thought about how, if he’d said what was on his mind instead of just grinning and turning away, things might have turned out differently.

“Well, you know,” said Tendou. He shrugged, feigning nonchalance. “Things to do, places to see. It happens.”

“It doesn’t happen.” Semi’s grip tightened in Tendou’s shirt. Normally this conversation would have turned him aggressive, but it seemed either age or those few beers had mellowed him out. “We were worried about you, Tendou. I was worried about you.”

It seemed Semi was a little closer, though Tendou hadn’t seen him move.

“Sorry, Semi-Semi,” said Tendou. He grinned, and it made his face feel lopsided. He pretended his insides hadn’t swooped following Semi’s admission. “I was okay, though. You look like you’ve been okay, too.” He reached out again, this time tucking Semi’s hair behind his ear, exposing the metal studs. 

Semi’s hair was too soft, and Tendou lingered.

“You look good,” said Tendou, belatedly continuing his thoughts. “You look really good.”

He shouldn’t have said it, but it was too late to take the words back now. They’d bubbled out on their own. Besides, it didn’t matter if Semi stormed out. It would probably be another five years before Tendou had to face him again, anyway.

Semi’s hand loosened in Tendou’s shirt, his fingers spreading and traveling upward, curling around the back of Tendou’s neck. 

Tendou’s heart was in his throat, skipping a beat as Semi kissed him.

Tendou’s drinks must have been spiked. He’d been given something that caused hallucinations, because obviously he was hallucinating. This wasn’t really happening. 

Semi pulled back, a trace of his usual scowl knitting his brow. His face was a little red. “Are you going to kiss me back or not?”

It was a hallucination, but Tendou would enjoy it while it lasted. His hands slid into a loose grip around Semi’s hips as he leaned in to kiss him. 

Tendou had thought of this before. He’d thought about it more than was probably healthy during their last year of high school, and more often than he should have in the years following. He’d thought about Semi too much, but never once had he really thought anything like this would happen.

He may have been hallucinating, but the warm press of Semi’s mouth, the softness of his lips, the force of Semi’s fingers digging into the back of his neck – it felt very real; too real.

Semi exhaled, the breath hot against Tendou’s lips. 

“Where’s your bedroom?”

Tendou’s stomach did a somersault.

“It’s, uh… just through there.”

Semi backed away from him, and Tendou’s hands felt cold when they dropped to his sides. Semi shrugged off his leather jacket, tossed it onto a messy bundle of blankets at the end of Tendou’s couch, and moved into the adjacent room.

It took Tendou too long to move. He was struggling to come to terms with the knowledge that Semi Eita was in his bedroom, and the foggy state of his mind wasn’t helping. 

Tendou rushed forward, nearly tripping over the corner of the couch. He stumbled into his room, illuminated only by the living room light glowing through the open doorway. 

Semi didn’t look as if he belonged there, amid the scatter of Tendou’s possessions. He was almost ethereal against the mundane backdrop of Tendou’s life. Semi pulled his shirt off, back muscles flexing as he raised his arms over his head. There was a tattoo sketched over his ribs, dipping into the band of his jeans. The room was too murky for Tendou to make out the shapes. 

Semi turned to face him, and Tendou forgot about the tattoo.

He’d seen Semi naked before. Everyone on the team had seen each other naked; it was inevitable. He’d never let himself really _look_ , though, because Tendou may have been weird, but he wasn’t a creep.

Now he was looking, and what he saw made him weak.

Semi’s shoulders were broader. He was solid and sturdy, compact muscle shifting beneath flawless ivory skin. 

“What’re you staring at?” said Semi. He gripped Tendou’s shirt again, tugged him closer.

“Heaven.” It was so lame that Tendou would have cringed if he’d been sober, but Semi’s cheeks darkened. 

“Shut up,” said Semi, the words muffled by Tendou’s mouth.

They kissed in a blur of lips and a slide of teeth. Semi walked backward, pulling Tendou along by his shirt, stopping only when the backs of his knees bumped the bed. Semi pushed Tendou’s shirt upward, a silent instruction, and they broke away long enough for Tendou to whisk it off. 

Semi took him in with a dip of his eyes and then he was kissing him again, lips parted, the heat of his open mouth stealing Tendou’s breath. When Semi’s tongue slipped through Tendou’s lips, something metal clicked against his teeth.

If Tendou hadn’t already been hard, that by itself would have done the job.

Semi’s fingers slid up Tendou’s ribs, leaving hot trails against his skin. He dug his fingers into Tendou’s shoulders and pulled as he fell back onto the bed. 

They landed in an awkward tangle of limbs. Tendou tried to move over so he wasn’t directly on top of Semi, but Semi sank his fingers into Tendou’s hair and yanked him back down.

They kissed, Tendou’s tongue prodding at Semi’s piercing, Semi’s teeth catching on Tendou’s lip, greedy fingers mapping out chests and arms and shoulders. Semi’s hands spread across the planes of Tendou’s back, smoothing lower, dipping into the edge of his jeans. He followed the band around to the front and pulled at the button, yanking it free, shoving Tendou’s pants down his hips.

Tendou pulled back, his breath coming in hot bursts. “Semi.”

Semi gave up on undressing Tendou; the angle made it difficult. Instead he worked at his own jeans, pulling at the zipper and struggling out of them, the task made more complicated by the cage of Tendou’s limbs. He managed, and he kicked his pants somewhere off the edge of the bed. 

Tendou’s mouth was still open. He felt that he should say something, but before he’d threaded the words together, Semi squeezed Tendou’s ass and rolled his hips up, grinding against him.

The breath left Tendou’s lungs. He dug his hands into the sheets, jaw clenching at the flare of sensation.

Semi’s palms shoved against Tendou’s chest and then he was on his back, Semi tearing off his jeans and throwing them to the floor, his nails scratching against Tendou’s hips as he peeled off his underwear.

Tendou didn’t have time to be self-conscious because then Semi was nude, too. He flung his underwear toward the foot of the bed, gave himself a single stroke as he looked down at Tendou, and then crawled away to the edge of the mattress.

Tendou pushed up on his elbows, watching as Semi yanked open the nightstand drawer and pawed through the contents.

“Next one,” said Tendou.

Semi slammed it shut and opened the second drawer instead.

He flung a condom toward Tendou with a snapped command. “Put that on.”

The foil crinkled as Tendou plucked it off of the sheets, watching with dry-mouthed anticipation as Semi drizzled lube over his fingers. 

“Semi,” he said. His voice was hoarse, and he cleared his throat and tried again. “Are you sure you want to…”

He trailed off into silence as Semi looked at him over his shoulder, dark eyes smoldering like scalding coals.

Semi didn’t bother answering. He stretched himself over Tendou again, propped himself on one elbow, and reached his other hand behind himself. 

Tendou knew when Semi had pushed in a finger because he jolted against Tendou, their cocks bumping together.

A choked sound left Tendou’s lips. Semi looked at him and then they were kissing again, grinding against each other while Semi worked himself open.

Tendou didn’t know how much time passed; a few minutes, maybe more. Semi pulled away, a thread of saliva breaking between them. He removed his fingers with a slight wince and clutched both hands in the sheets. “Put it on.”

Tendou distantly realized the condom was still in his hand. He struggled to tear it open and clumsily rolled it on, too aware of Semi’s eyes tracking him.

Semi’s hands slid up Tendou’s narrow torso, gliding over pale skin, settling onto narrow shoulders. He straddled Tendou’s hips and hovered over him, gasping more than breathing, pupils so dilated that his entire irises looked black.

They watched one another with a stare that lingered and burned.

Then Semi sank down onto Tendou, and the world stopped turning.

Tendou had imagined this before, late at night when he couldn’t help himself, but the real thing was impossibly perfect. He wondered again, briefly, if this was all part of the hallucination, but then Semi was moving and Tendou lost the ability to think of anything at all.

Semi rolled his hips in a circle, wincing a little from the stretch. He rocked up and down, slowly at first, then rode Tendou with such force that the mattress shook beneath them.

Tendou gripped Semi’s hips, head thrown back, overwhelmed by the motion and the heat and the sensation. The breath was punched from his lungs, but breathing wasn’t high on his list of priorities. 

Semi’s skin was soft, but there was firm muscle underneath. Tendou moved his hips to match Semi’s pace, pushing deeper, and a low, raspy moan slipped through Semi’s lips.

Tendou raised his head, taking in Semi with a sweep of hungry eyes. 

Semi’s eyes were closed, his breath gusting between parted lips. His hair was a mess, halfway sticking up, halfway in his face. The line of his neck was long, his shoulders wide, collarbones glistening with a sheen of sweat. His chest was broad and strong, his stomach was flat, and the cut of his hipbones was sinful. Tendou’s eyes danced a little lower, to Semi’s hard, curved cock, and he saw a glint of metal just below the head.

Tendou threw an arm over his eyes, because if he looked for even a second longer he was going to come.

Semi braced his hands on Tendou’s shoulders, shifted his weight, and started riding him at a different angle. “Tendou.” 

Tendou let his arm fall away and found Semi only an inch away from his face. Semi’s mouth was back on his again, licking at his lips and sucking on his tongue, nipping with sharp teeth.

Semi was perfect. Tendou had known it for a long time, but every second that passed was only giving him more proof.

Tendou dug his heels into the mattress and thrust his hips up, striking deep. Semi cried out, and for a horrifying second Tendou thought he’d hurt him, but then Semi ground back into him with demanding force.

Tendou gripped Semi’s hips again, more tightly, and slammed up into him. The heat between them was stifling and Tendou wasn’t sure he’d even breathed since Semi had stripped, but Tendou was absolutely entranced.

Semi tossed his head back, exposing a pale throat, a moan thrumming through his lips. He rutted back against Tendou with blatant need. Tendou dropped one hand and wrapped it cautiously, carefully, around Semi’s cock.

Semi bucked into the touch with a sound that was almost a whine. Tendou dug his heels in and thrust upward, stroking at the same time, gritting his teeth against the buzzing heat building between his legs.

He worked Semi, twisted his hand at the upstroke, and his thumb brushed against the metal piercing.

Semi’s nails dug into Tendou’s shoulders and he came with a sharp cry, spilling across Tendou’s stomach, the heat leaching into Tendou’s skin.

Tendou was only a few seconds behind, thrusting twice more before his own orgasm gripped him with typhoon force. 

He collapsed, spent, and Semi rolled away to bury his face in Tendou’s pillow.

Tendou stared at him, the mussed nest of his hair, the lean, strong lines of his body. Semi Eita was perfect, and anyone who thought otherwise was wrong.

Tendou felt he should say something. He should have said something before they’d started, and he should definitely say something now. But he could think of no words, so he peeled himself off of the bed and stepped into the bathroom to clean himself up.

When he came back, Semi hadn’t moved. He realized, when he crawled back into bed and sidled up close to him, that Semi was already asleep.

With a fond smile, Tendou shifted to his side and draped an arm over Semi’s waist. He closed his eyes, sleep tugging at the edges of his mind with hazy fingers.

Maybe this hadn’t really happened. Maybe it was an elaborate hallucination.

If so, he hoped he could just repeat the same hallucination every day, for the rest of his life.


	2. Chapter 2

The following week, Tendou ended up at the university coffee shop, sitting across from Ushijima Wakatoshi himself.

Tendou wasn’t sure how it had happened. He’d pledged to avoid them all for another five years. He’d expected some resistance from Reon and Yamagata, maybe, but he hadn’t thought Ushijima would seek out his company.

Yet there he was, sipping decaf coffee and eyeing Tendou with something like concern.

“You are strangely quiet,” said Ushijima, carefully placing his cup back on the table. “Is something wrong?”

“Nope, I’m great,” said Tendou brightly. “Right as rain. How are you, Wakatoshi?”

Ushijima stared at him. He didn’t look convinced, but he didn’t push. “I’m fine. I am pleased you agreed to meet with me.”

“Oh?” said Tendou, raising a teasing brow. “Why’s that, Waka? Did you miss me?”

Ushijima’s face didn’t change. “Yes.”

Tendou tried to come up with something witty to say, but his mind went completely blank. Instead he reached for his own drink, which was more sugar than coffee, and looked across the cafe as he took a sip.

“I have wondered,” said Ushijima, reclaiming Tendou’s attention, “if I may have said something around the time of our graduation that upset you. I have been told that I am tactless. If I did anything to wrong you then I apologize.”

Tendou almost dropped his coffee.

“You didn’t,” he said quickly, all too aware of the heat that rose to color his face. It wasn’t embarrassment. It was the heat of shame. “You’ve never done anything to me, Wakatoshi. Really. I just needed to get away for a while, ya know?”

The look on Ushijima’s face suggested that he did not know.

“I’m sorry,” said Tendou, looking down at his drink. “I should’ve kept in touch with you, at least. You were my best friend. But you had all this stuff going on, and university volleyball, and then training for the National team. I didn’t want to bother you.”

Ushijima’s brows pulled together. “You have never been a bother, Satori.”

A blend of emotions – primarily guilt – prickled at the corners of Tendou’s eyes. He pushed it away with a fake grin and said, “That’s so sweet, Waka. You should write those cute little messages they put on greeting cards.”

Ushijima didn’t respond to that, and Tendou didn’t expect him to. It wasn’t one of his most clever comebacks.

“So anyway,” said Tendou, desperate to steer the conversation to literally anything else, “tell me about your team! That one middle blocker is pretty good, but you liked playing with me better, right?”

They talked for a while, got coffee refills, and then talked some more. Tendou asked endless questions about Ushijima’s life, and artfully maneuvered the conversation away from himself when it started to veer in his direction. Ushijima must have noticed, but he was kind enough not to mention it.

Whoever had told Ushijima that he was tactless clearly didn’t know him very well.

It was an hour later when Tendou realized how long they’d been there. “I’ve gotta go,” he said. “I’m gonna be late for class.”

“Class?” repeated Ushijima, as Tendou stood and hefted a messenger bag over his shoulder. “Are you in postgrad?”

Tendou almost said yes, because that would have been easier, but he respected Ushijima too much to lie to him about something stupid.

“Oh, uh… no, just regular university. I haven’t graduated yet because… well, it’s a long story. I won’t bore you with the details.”

Ushijima did not seem satisfied by that response, but again he didn’t push. Tendou was beginning to remember why Ushijima had been his best friend.

“Did you save my number?” said Ushijima.

“Yeah, I’ve got it.” Tendou had added it to his contacts when Ushijima had called him a couple of days before. He assumed Reon had been the one to share Tendou’s number, and he couldn’t say that he minded. 

“Call me soon,” said Ushijima. “We should do this again.”

“Yeah, of course. I’ll call you,” said Tendou. Unlike all of the times he’d said it nearing the end of their high school careers, this time he thought he actually meant it.

They stepped outside, but before Ushijima could walk away, Tendou said, “Hey, Waka? Do you think you could give me Semi’s number? I need to ask him about something.”

Fluttering nerves swooped in Tendou’s stomach as Semi’s name left his lips. He’d tried not to think about That Night, but his brain refused to stop playing it on endless loop. Even so, he would have let it go and not bothered Semi at all, but he really did need to talk to him about something. That wasn’t even a lie.

“Of course,” said Ushijima, pulling out his phone. “I’m sure he would like to hear from you. He has always been concerned for your wellbeing.”

The swoop in Tendou’s stomach intensified in a mad flapping of imaginary wings. He swallowed and forced a smile as he tapped Semi’s number into his phone. “Thanks, Waka. Hey, uh… you still talk to Semi pretty often, right?”

“On occasion.”

“How’s he been doing? I mean, over the past few years in general. Has he been alright?”

“As far as I am aware,” said Ushijima, tucking his phone away again. 

“So Semi and Shirabu, huh?” said Tendou, trying to sound nonchalant.

Ushijima frowned. “They have been involved with one another for a while. They moved into the same apartment sometime last year.”

This time the pit in Tendou’s gut felt like guilt.

“Oh. I didn’t know it was that serious.”

Ushijima’s frown deepened. “Perhaps it is. I do not know. They are very private about their relationship.”

Tendou made a noncommittal noise and said, “Well thanks, Waka. I’ll talk to you soon.”

“Goodbye, Satori.”

Tendou waved and loped away, swallowing down the panicked pressure in his chest.

Semi and Shirabu lived together. 

Shirabu knew Semi didn’t come home last week. 

Had he stayed up wondering where Semi was? Had Semi told him what had happened, or had he kept their fling a dirty little secret? Judging from how badly Semi had reacted the morning after, Tendou was going to guess he’d kept it a secret.

Semi had said they’d broken up, which meant Tendou shouldn’t even be worried. This wasn’t his problem. Yet, he couldn’t snuff out a deep-rooted sense of shame. Maybe Semi really had been too drunk to know what he was doing. Maybe Tendou had coerced him into it. Maybe Semi hadn’t even wanted it.

Tendou shrugged his backpack higher on his shoulder and picked up his pace. If he didn’t hurry, he was going to be late for class.

Not that it mattered, anyway. He had a feeling statistics would be the last thing on his mind for the next hour.

  
  
  
  
  
Tendou made it through class without incident and without learning a single thing. He pretended to take notes, but mostly doodled little pictures in the margins of his notebook. He couldn’t blame that on the current distraction, though. If he flipped back through the past month of notes, they would look exactly the same.

When class ended, Tendou tossed his bag over his shoulder, slipped through the small clusters of his classmates who’d stopped to socialize, and started walking toward his apartment. He had a few hours to kill before he had to be at work. Tendou knew he should spend that time catching up on his homework, but there was something more important he needed to take care of.

It was a twenty-five minute walk home. When Tendou arrived he kicked off his shoes, dropped his bag by the door, and tossed his jacket onto the far end of the couch. Usually he would’ve thrown it on the closer end, but since the week before, that section of the couch had been occupied.

Tendou slumped onto the middle cushion and stared at the leather jacket. It probably smelled like Semi, but Tendou hadn’t allowed himself to check. He hadn’t touched it since That Night.

It was a nice jacket. Probably real leather, the silver of the zipper gleaming. It had fit Semi perfectly; Tendou had noticed that even before they’d arrived at his apartment. He’d always noticed a lot of things about Semi Eita.

Another thing he’d noticed was that Semi wanted nothing more to do with Tendou.

Tendou ignored the sting of the memory as he tapped at his phone, pulling up the contact information he’d gotten from Ushijima. It was in bad taste to go behind Semi’s back to get his number, especially when he’d made it clear that he didn’t want Tendou to contact him. Tendou shouldn’t have asked at all. He’d thought about giving the jacket to Ushijima when they met up and asking him to return it, but that would have required an explanation as to how Tendou had gotten it in the first place. He could come up with no good excuse, and despite what people said about Ushijima, he wasn’t dense. He would know something had happened. 

Tendou could have contacted Reon instead and given the jacket to him. Even if Reon hadn’t bought whatever feeble excuse Tendou came up with, he would humor him and pretend he believed it. He’d always been nice like that; too nice, on occasion. But he wasn’t an idiot, and even if he said nothing, he would still know.

Tendou couldn’t rely on anyone else for this. He had to do it himself, but out of necessity only. Not because he really wanted an excuse to talk to Semi again, despite what had happened. That had nothing to do with it.

Tendou winced as he dialed the number. He knew he was making a mistake, but that wasn’t going to stop him. It rarely did.

The ringing went on for what felt like a lifetime, although it couldn’t have been more than ten seconds. Tendou’s heart was in his throat, pattering quickly in anticipation.

Maybe Semi wouldn’t answer. Maybe he would somehow recognize Tendou’s number and ignore the call. Maybe Ushijima had even given him the wrong number by accident, and a stranger would pick up instead.

“Hello?”

Tendou’s throat tightened. That definitely wasn’t a stranger.

There was a beat of silence, and Semi repeated, more loudly, “Hello?”

Tendou had planned out what to say during statistics class, but couldn’t remember a single word of it. He took a breath and said, without pausing, “This is Tendou and if you hang up before I can talk to you, I’ll tell everyone we know about what happened.”

The silence was immediate, and so pressing that Tendou thought Semi had hung up, despite the warning. He slapped a hand over his face, the regret immediate. This wasn’t how he’d wanted to start the conversation.

There was a blur of sound on the other end of the call. Semi mumbled something, clearly meant for someone who wasn’t Tendou. There was a response, so low and distant that Tendou couldn’t make out the voice, much less the words.

Still, he had a sinking suspicion it was Shirabu.

Half a minute later, after a thudding sound that could have been a door, Semi said, “How the fuck did you get my number?”

This was not going the way Tendou had hoped.

“That’s not important,” he said. “Listen, I just-”

“It is fucking important,” snapped Semi. There was heat in his voice, a sharpness that Tendou hadn’t heard since high school. It was simultaneously painful and nostalgic. “And why are you calling me? You said you weren’t going to tell anyone. What the hell is wrong with you, Satori?”

The sound of his given name in that sharp-edged voice gave Tendou conflicting feelings. He slumped back on the couch, staring blankly at the water-stained ceiling. “I’m not going to tell anyone. I didn’t mean to say that. I just need to talk to you for a minute.”

Semi cursed under his breath. Tendou realized he’d never heard Semi curse before last week. It must have been a habit he’d picked up since high school.

“Then talk,” said Semi. “One minute.”

That was more than Tendou had expected. “Okay. Look, about what happened-”

“Not about that,” said Semi, cutting him short. “I’m not talking about that.”

Tendou swallowed his words. “Fine. You left your fancy jacket at my apartment. Do you want it or should I sell it on ebay?”

Semi hesitated. “I thought I left it at the restaurant.”

“Well, you thought wrong.” Tendou bit his tongue to keep himself from punctuating that sentence with a familiar _Semi-Semi_. “Want it or not?”

Semi hesitated, clearly torn between his desire to get his jacket back and his distaste for Tendou. Finally he said, “I’ll meet you somewhere to pick it up.”

That was more than Tendou had dared to hope for. “Sure. I’ll text you where. Is tomorrow okay?”

“Yeah, whatever.”

“Alright,” said Tendou, more brightly than was appropriate. “I’ll see you then!”

Semi ended the call without responding. Tendou tossed his phone to the side and folded his arms behind his head, hopeful despite himself. At least he’d get one more chance to see Semi in person. After That Night, he’d been convinced he would never see him again. 

Maybe it was best that he never see him again, considering it would only be more torture for Tendou. Before, he’d only had his imagination. Now he knew what it was really like to be with Semi, to touch him, taste him. Now he knew what he was missing, and it was the equivalent of being given the entire world and having it yanked away after only one perfect night. 

Seeing Semi was going to hurt, but Tendou had never cared much about his own welfare, anyway.

  
  
  
  
  
Tendou had wanted to instruct Semi to meet him for lunch, but thought that would be pushing his luck. Semi would probably grab the jacket and storm right back out, and Tendou didn’t want his embarrassment to be showcased in a public venue. Instead, he told Semi to meet him on the south side of campus at noon, during Tendou’s mid-morning break. 

Tendou didn’t absorb anything from his classes that morning. They were spent in anxious anticipation, with Semi’s leather jacket folded neatly in his lap. That’s where it remained when he dropped onto a vacant bench in the small park at the edge of campus, his leg bouncing nervously as he watched the time tick closer to twelve.

Semi had always been early to everything when they were in high school, and it seemed that pattern hadn’t changed. At 11:55, a pair of boots scuffed to a stop in front of Tendou’s bench. They were black leather like the jacket, and Tendou knew to whom they belonged even before he dragged his eyes up to that familiar scowl.

“I’m here,” said Semi. He extended one of his folded arms. “Give me the jacket.”

“Sure, Semi-Semi,” said Tendou brightly. He had to force the cheerfulness. The harshness of Semi’s face made him want to crawl beneath the bench. “Have a seat, first. Lovely weather today.”

“Satori-”

“Sit,” said Tendou. He patted the wooden slats. “Five minutes.”

Semi hesitated. He didn’t want to; that much was clear. Tendou should have been kind and handed over the jacket with a smile. But he wasn’t kind, and he certainly wasn’t about to let Semi walk away that quickly.

Semi gave in with a frown, dropping onto the bench beside him. He leaned back and folded his arms, staring resolutely ahead. “What?”

Tendou had prepared for this conversation, too. He’d gone over it in his head the night before, and that morning during class. He’d even taken a few notes about it, because this was much more important than taking notes for class.

He’d known exactly what to say before Semi had arrived, but again, those words drifted right out of his head and floated away on the breeze. He took a breath, memorized the texture of leather beneath his fingers, and placed the jacket on Semi’s lap. “Here.”

Semi put one hand on it, as if expecting it to fly away. He raised an eyebrow at Tendou, the one that was pierced. “That’s it?”

Tendou shrugged.

Semi absently refolded the jacket. “Okay. Thanks, I guess.” He stood, tucked it under his arm, and took one step.

Tendou should have let him go. It would have been easier for both of them. There was a reason Tendou had cut him out five years ago, and there was an even better reason to do the same thing now.

Still, Tendou found himself saying, “I’m sorry, Eita.”

Semi’s back was to Tendou, but he went still. “For what? Threatening to tell everyone after you promised you wouldn’t?”

“No,” said Tendou. “I’m not sorry about that. If I hadn’t said it, you would’ve hung up on me.”

Semi turned back, scowling. “Then what-”

“I’m sorry about what happened last week,” said Tendou. “I was happy to see you again. I didn’t mean to ruin it like that.”

Semi’s brow creased more deeply, but it wasn’t exactly a scowl. He considered Tendou, expression unreadable, and plopped back onto the bench with a huff. “As if it matters to you. You haven’t talked to me in years. What difference does it make if you don’t talk to me now?”

That hurt, mostly because it was true. 

Semi slid a glance sideways, studying him. “You really won’t tell, though?”

Tendou smiled. It was the fake plastic one. “Of course not, Semi-Semi. I don’t want to ruin your good reputation.”

Semi rolled his eyes, but he seemed relieved. He sat back, staring out at the small park with a much lighter scowl. He was wearing similar clothes to those he’d worn at the bar, and Tendou realized he didn’t know what Semi did for work. His appearance alone cut out most common options, because if he was walking around with those piercings in the middle of the day, then he clearly wasn’t working at any prestigious businesses or classy establishments. 

Tendou wanted to ask, but kept his mouth shut. He was lucky Semi hadn’t stormed off yet. He wasn’t going to push it.

“Why’d you want to meet here, anyway?” asked Semi, gesturing vaguely at the campus. “I’ve had about enough of college kids to last the rest of my life.”

Tendou started to answer, but cut himself off before he could speak. He’d told Ushijima he was still in school, but admitting the same thing to Semi was different. Instead of the truth, he said, “I work here.”

“Seriously?”

“Seriously.” Tendou drew an X across his heart to demonstrate his feigned honesty. “I work in the, uh… finance department. Doing finances.”

Semi’s eyes went narrow. “You hate shit like that.”

“What can I say.” Tendou shrugged. “I sold out.”

Semi glanced at Tendou’s clothes, skeptical.

“It’s casual Friday,” said Tendou, answering the unspoken question. 

Semi considered that for a minute, but let the conversation end, to Tendou’s relief. “Whatever. I need to go. Thanks for bringing my jacket.”

“No problem, Semi-Semi.” 

Semi stood, and this time Tendou tried to keep his mouth shut.

He failed.

“Are you and Shirabu back together?” asked Tendou.

Semi went stiff. His fingers sank into the leather jacket as his grip tightened. “Why?”

“No reason.” Tendou tried to say it breezily, as if the answer didn’t matter to him either way. “Just wondering.”

Semi bit at the inside of his cheek, jaw twitching. “Yeah. We are.”

Tendou’s stomach flopped onto the concrete, but he smiled through it. “Way to go, Semi-Semi. True love endures.”

Semi didn’t even look at him. He walked away, taking his jacket and all of Tendou’s crushed hopes with him.

  
  
  
  
  
Tendou’s life continued as usual. He went to class, went to work, and caught himself randomly daydreaming about Semi Eita. It was a lot like high school, minus the work.

It became even more like high school the following weekend, when Yamagata’s constant phone calls finally harassed Tendou into meeting up with him and Reon at a downtown bar. It wasn’t one of Tendou’s usual haunts. In fact, he’d never set foot in it until that night, when he followed an overexcited Yamagata through the door. If Tendou was going out to drink on his own, he stuck to gay bars; not because he was looking for a quick hookup, but because he felt more comfortable there. 

He wasn’t about to ask Reon and Yamagata to go to a gay bar, though. They probably didn’t even know Tendou was gay. He didn’t think they would have minded, considering how easily they’d accepted Semi and Shirabu’s relationship, but it wasn’t something he often brought up in conversation.

He found himself crammed into a booth beside Yamagata. Whatever had stopped him from drinking at their group dinner a couple of weeks before clearly wasn’t a factor any longer. Yamagata had ordered a half dozen shots before they’d even sat down, and was throwing them back with practiced ease. Tendou was impressed despite himself.

Reon, who had ordered one beer and was drinking it with deliberate slowness, watched him with something like disapproval.

“Don’t you work tomorrow?” asked Reon, as Yamagata reached for the next in his row of shots.

“Yeah, so?” Yamagata threw it back and slapped the empty glass onto the table. 

Reon’s raised brows said enough.

“C’mon, man. Loosen up.” Yamagata leaned across the table to punch Reon’s arm. “You’ve gotta play hard to work hard, right?”

“I think you have that backwards.”

“Nah.” There were two shots left, and Yamagata nudged one of them toward Tendou. “Cheers, dude. Didn’t think I’d see you out in public again for another five years.”

“You didn’t give me much of a choice,” said Tendou, picking up the shot glass. “You called me… how many times yesterday? Ten? Twelve?”

Yamagata shrugged. “Don’t remember. It worked though, right?” He clinked his glass against the one in Tendou’s hand. “Here’s to us, and sticking together like teammates should.”

It was said lightly, without true gravity. Still, Tendou felt a low burn of guilt that matched the burn in the back of his throat as he threw back the shot.

He shouldn’t feel guilty. It wasn’t as if he’d abandoned his team. They weren’t teammates anymore, and hadn’t been for a long time. It wasn’t as if any of them had really missed him before Reon had taken the notion to get all of them back together again. 

Yamagata gave a low whistle, his attention captured by the trio of women who’d just entered the bar. “Three of them, three of us. That’s fate right there, don’t you think?”

Reon frowned. “Hayato…”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m kidding.” Yamagata turned toward Tendou. “What about you? Feeling lucky tonight?”

“I’m never lucky,” said Tendou, waving him off. “You go have fun out there. Use protection. We don’t need little baby Yamagatas running around.”

Yamagata grinned and slid out of the booth, patting at his hair to make sure his bun was still in place before swaggering over to the bar. Tendou could have sworn he flexed as he leaned on the counter next to the women, but he hoped he was wrong.

“He’s hopeless,” said Reon with a fond smile, watching the exchange for a moment before returning his attention to Tendou. 

Tendou grinned. “You think he’ll strike out?”

“No, I think he’ll get exactly what he’s after,” said Reon. “He usually does.”

Tendou tilted his head and looked back toward Yamagata, who’d apparently said something funny. He was smiling at the women, who’d fallen into laughter that Tendou couldn’t hear from that far across the bar. 

That was interesting. Yamagata had always been embarrassingly awkward around girls back in high school. 

“What about you?” said Tendou, looking back at his tablemate with a grin. “Not interested in the women in this classy establishment?”

Reon smiled. “Not at all. I’ve been committed since my first year of college. We’re getting married soon.”

Tendou’s eyes went wide. He shouldn’t have been surprised. Reon was always the most stable among them. Still, the thought of Reon settling down was like a slap in the face.

Reon would be married, with a good job and a stable life, and Tendou would still be drifting along, trying to finish school. The most stable thing in his life was his couch.

“Congratulations,” he said, grinning as if he meant it. He did, to a degree. Reon was a good guy, one of the best people Tendou had ever met. He deserved to be happy, even if Tendou couldn’t get his life together and do the same. “Look at you, all grown up.”

Reon was still smiling, a little fond, a little proud. “Thank you. I’m lucky I found her so soon. Most people spend their entire lives trying to find their soulmate.”

Tendou couldn’t relate to that. He’d found his soulmate his first year of high school. The finding had never been his problem.

“You’re invited to the wedding, of course,” said Reon. “I hope you’ll come.”

“Of course,” said Tendou brightly, though he had no intention to follow through. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

Reon probably knew he was lying. He wasn’t stupid. Still, he let it go and asked about Tendou’s life instead.

Tendou fielded the questions to the best of his ability. He circled the conversation back around to Yamagata, only to realize he’d disappeared from the bar, and three women had been reduced to two.

“Well, we’ve lost him for the night,” said Reon, when Tendou pointed it out. “Figures.”

Tendou wasn’t disappointed. He liked Yamagata, but he could be exhausting. Reon was easier to deal with. He could have a quiet night out with Reon, go home, and ignore Yamagata’s calls for the rest of his life. Maybe he should consider changing his number again, like he’d done after high school. 

“At least Eita will be here soon,” said Reon, taking another small sip of his beer. 

It took Tendou too long to register that, because it was the last sentence he’d expected to hear. He dragged his stare over to Reon, slowly. “What?”

“Eita,” repeated Reon. “He’s usually late on our nights out because of work, but it should be time for him to show up.”

Tendou took a drink of the cheap beer he’d ordered. His mouth was suddenly dry. “Did you, uh… Does he know I’m here?”

Reon frowned. “I’m not sure. Yamagata is the one who invited us this time. Why?”

“I just remembered I have something important to do,” said Tendou. He tipped his beer back, drained it in a few long gulps, and put his glass in the middle of the table. “Really important. If I don’t leave right now, it could mean the end of the world.”

Reon eyed him with concern, unbothered by the dramatics. He’d gotten used to Tendou a long time ago. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing at all,” said Tendou airily, sliding out of the booth and hopping to his feet. “Sorry to leave you hanging. We’ll meet up again sometime, alright?” He half meant it. He didn’t like leaving Reon sitting there alone, but it was better than the alternative. 

Reon frowned. “If I’d known the two of you don’t get along, I would have asked Hayato not to invite him this time.”

Tendou laughed. It was too high-pitched, bordering on manic. “Right. That’s the problem. Don’t mention it to anyone, okay? Long story.” He turned to go, relieved that he’d made a quick escape, although it had been a messy one. It didn’t matter. Reon wouldn’t judge him for it.

It would have worked out just fine, if Tendou had been two minutes faster.

Before he’d even taken a step away from the booth, he spotted Semi slipping through the crowd. Semi saw him in the same instant and froze, directly in the path of a waiter who almost dropped a tray of drinks. Semi pulled himself together and apologized, but when he looked back at Tendou, his stare was sharp.

That wasn’t good, but Tendou could have dealt with it. What he couldn’t deal with was the sight of Shirabu trailing along after Semi, his expression as bored as ever.

Tendou felt like someone had ripped his heart out of his chest and stomped on it, probably with heavy leather boots just like Semi’s.

“Hey, Reon,” said Semi, coming to an uncertain stop by their booth. He flicked a glare at Tendou. “I didn’t know you were coming.”

“I was just on my way out,” said Tendou. He tried not to look at Shirabu, who’d taken a seat across from Reon. “After one more shot. Maybe two. Nice seeing you again.” He turned without another word, circling to end of the bar, the furthest he could get from that booth. When the bartender sidled up to him, he ordered three shots, just to be safe. He wanted to keep his brain well insulated from its bitter, self-loathing thoughts during the walk home. Alcohol seemed to be a good way to manage it.

He’d only been waiting for thirty seconds when Semi claimed the stool to his right, looking straight ahead instead of at Tendou. A different bartender swooped over, and Semi ordered a dark beer and a neat whiskey. 

Tendou said nothing. He watched the original bartender impatiently, but she’d had a couple of orders to prepare before his. It felt as if she was taking her precious time, but Tendou knew it was only because he was in a rush to get the hell away from there.

“You don’t have to leave because of me.”

The words almost blended into the constant murmur of the crowd. Tendou was half-convinced he’d imagined them, until he glanced to the side to find Semi watching him. The sharpness was gone. Semi’s scowl was still there, but that was nothing new. He seemed cautious, almost.

“Don’t worry about it,” said Tendou. “I was already leaving. If I’d known you were coming I wouldn’t be here at all.”

Semi’s eye twitched in a wince. “That’s not… I don’t want you to avoid our friends because of me, Satori.”

“They’re not our friends,” said Tendou. “Just yours. None of you are my friends anymore.”

It didn’t hurt to say it. It was true, and it had been for a while. 

“And whose fault is that?” snapped Semi. His eyes were sharp again, slicing through Tendou like a blade. 

Tendou’s brows rose. “Umm… No one’s? Things happen. People grow apart.”

“Yeah, they grow apart because assholes like you drop off the face of the planet and _make_ them grow apart.” 

Tendou scooted to the extreme edge of his stool, away from Semi. “You have a lot of anger there, Semi-Semi. That’s not healthy. You should probably see someone for that.”

“Shut the fuck up.”

The bartender returned with Tendou’s drinks, and he’d never been more pleased to see alcohol in his life. He thanked her, and threw back the first shot before she’d even walked away.

“Look,” said Semi, his voice more even. “What I’m trying to say is you can stay if you want. Hang out with Reon. And Hayato, wherever the fuck he is. Don’t let _this_ -” he gestured between the two of them- “keep you from spending time with them. I won’t make it weird.”

“Mood swings too,” said Tendou. “I can recommend some good therapists.” He took another shot as Semi gritted his teeth.

“Will you stop fucking around and listen to me?” said Semi.

“I hear you. I’m still leaving. I didn’t even want to come. Hayato wore me down, but it won’t happen again.”

Tendou picked up his last shot but Semi grabbed his wrist in an iron grip. 

“Satori.” Semi’s eyes blazed, but his voice was low, steady. “I’m sorry about what happened with us, okay? I’m sorry I freaked out. You can still hang out with the guys, even if I’m here. It doesn’t matter. We can just forget it ever happened.”

Tendou’s smile was bitter. “What a nice idea.” He transferred the glass to his other hand and tilted it back, relishing the burn all the way down his throat. He felt like he needed at least three more, but that would mean staying in this bar even longer, and he was not willing to do that. He pulled away from Semi and slid to his feet, tossing a handful of yen onto the counter. “Too bad for you, I couldn’t forget even if I wanted to.”

He left the bar, and although he didn’t look back, he couldn’t help imagining the expression on Semi’s face. He would be disgusted, maybe, at the thought of Tendou thinking about their night together. Or he would just be angry that Tendou couldn’t let it go, angry that Tendou had put him in such an awkward position.

Despite the discomfort of the situation, Tendou should have stayed long enough to get a couple more shots. The ones he’d taken weren’t enough to dull the edge of guilt and disappointment as he went home alone.


	3. Chapter 3

Tendou had gone on a few dates here and there since high school. A couple of them had been with girls, because he hadn’t been absolutely sure of his preferences. Most of them had been with guys, because it hadn’t taken him very long to figure it out.

Girls were okay. They were pretty, their voices were like birdsong, and they smelled like sunshine. 

Guys, though… guys were attractive in a different way. They were handsome as opposed to pretty. Their voices rumbled rather than warbled. Some of them smelled like sweaty armpits, but others were scented with nice cologne or coolly pleasing cleanliness. 

He’d never found a serious relationship, with either option. He’d always had a tendency to push people away before things could reach that point, whether intentionally or subconsciously. Even looking back, he knew it was for the best. Tendou was under no disillusions about himself. He knew he wasn’t quite normal, and that he was difficult to connect with. He’d seen it on his partners’ faces, when he’d revealed too much of himself and they’d started growing suspicious that he was a little too weird for them. That was always when he’d broken things off, before they had the chance to crush him.

That was part of the reason he’d broken things off with his teammates after high school, too. There were other contributing factors, many of them, but ultimately it was in the interest of self-preservation.

That self-preservation should have kept him away now, should have stopped him from agreeing to that first dinner invitation from Reon. Tendou knew better. He knew things wouldn’t end well, because they never did.

Regardless, a couple of Friday nights later, he found himself sprawled on Ushijima’s couch, his socked feet propped on the edge of the coffee table and a can of cheap beer in his hand.

“Being one of the starting players on the national team must pay well, Wakatoshi-kun,” said Tendou, taking in the high ceilings and sparkling light fixtures of Ushijima’s condo. The living room alone was the size of Tendou’s entire apartment. “You’re living in luxury here.”

“It is excessive,” said Ushijima as he sat on the opposite end of the couch as Tendou. “My manager suggested this area when I made a permanent move to Tokyo. Some of my teammates live in this building, so I assumed it would be acceptable.” He turned on the television, sifting through his DVR with a slight frown. “When my lease is up I intend to find a more reasonable housing arrangement.”

Tendou rolled his eyes at the small chandelier over his head. “My place is much more reasonable. I could talk to the landlord, see if I could get you a good deal.”

“That would be appreciated.”

Tendou bit his lip to hold back a laugh. He couldn’t picture Ushijima even walking into his apartment building, much less living there. Not because Ushijima was above it (although in Tendou’s mind he was), but because he didn’t fit into Tendou’s mental picture of his life. Anywhere Tendou lived was not the place for Ushijima. It made his head spin just thinking about it.

Then again, Semi didn’t fit into that mental picture either, and he’d certainly been in Tendou’s apartment.

Tendou shook the thought out of his head. 

“So when is this game again?” asked Tendou, although he already knew. He’d memorized the Japanese team’s schedule when the season had started.

“Two weeks,” said Ushijima. He selected a match and it stretched to fill the widescreen television. “We must win to advance to the finals. The German team is very good this year so we need to work on our strategy.”

The surround sound picked up the match, and Tendou felt like he was sitting in the middle of the arena, the cheers of the crowd engulfing him from all sides. Ushijima turned the volume down. 

“They have an excellent pair of blockers,” said Ushijima, as the camera panned toward the teams huddled on each side of the court. “This is their match from last week. Any advice you can give for my team is helpful.”

“You know I haven’t touched a volleyball since high school, right?” said Tendou, watching over the rim of his beer as the players took their places. “I’m not exactly the leading authority on blocking strategies.”

“Perhaps not.” Ushijima put the remote aside and settled back on the couch. “Your insight has always been unique, however. You see things that other people do not. If anyone can see a failproof way to break through their defense, it will be you.”

“Wakatoshi-kun, you flatter me,” said Tendou, fluttering a hand dramatically. He pretended Ushijima’s praise didn’t make him feel warm to the point of bursting. “Such a compliment coming from the great ace of Tokyo. I’ll see what I can do. No promises, though.”

Ushijima accepted that with a solemn nod and they went quiet to watch the match. It was a good one, and the only reason Tendou hadn’t seen it already was that Japan had been playing at the same time on a different station. Of course Tendou had watched them instead.

Ushijima wasn’t wrong about the German team. They’d made substantial improvements since the prior year, and Tendou was certain it was because of their two new starting blockers. He was impressed despite himself, although he’d already been prepared to dislike them on general principle for being a barrier to Japan’s success. 

The taller of the blockers, number 8, had a jump height that was inhuman. It was almost impossible to spike over him, because as soon as his feet left the ground, he was towering so far over the net that he could stop just about anything. The other one, number 11, wasn’t as strong in his jumps, but he was _fast_. Tendou had never been a personal fan of read blocking, but this guy did it like it was an art.

Tendou would have liked playing against them rather than just watching them on a screen. It would have been easier to judge their strategies, their nuances. Looking someone in the eye, taunting them to the point of breaking, had always been the best way to analyze a team. 

“What do you think?” said Ushijima.

Tendou blinked and tore his gaze away. He realized he was on the edge of his seat, and that he’d been devouring the match with such avarice that he’d forgotten where he was and what he was supposed to be doing. He took an idle sip of his beer, looking back at the screen just as one of the blockers leapt up to perform a perfect shutout, the kind that had always given Tendou immeasurable satisfaction.

He’d spent the last few years trying not to think about it, but he really missed playing volleyball.

“They’re good,” said Tendou, his level voice concealing the storm of intensity and nostalgia that threatened to overwhelm him. “Really good. You’re better though, Wakatoshi-kun. You can beat them. I want to see how they act when they get tired, but from what I can tell, their weak points are…”

The two of them discussed the match and the German players for a while, through the end of the match and beyond. Ushijima chose an older match, one from a month ago, and they talked through it, as well. The phrases and terms that hadn’t left Tendou’s mouth since high school came back to him easily, and he felt like he was on the sidelines again, watching opposing teams playing at Nationals, talking over strategies to bury them beneath the skill of Shiratorizawa.

Tendou had always felt a self-serving sort of satisfaction from a victory. It had been validating, proof that he was worth something even if he was a monster, as his middle school teammates had always called him. That was all he’d been looking for, when he chose to attend Shiratorizawa. He wanted a chance to win.

He hadn’t realized until well into his first year that he’d gotten something more out of it, something that he hadn’t expected. Ushijima was one of those unexpected things, as well as his other teammates. Tendou had expected victory, but he’d never expected to like the guys he played with.

Sitting here with Ushijima, discussing volleyball like no time had passed at all, Tendou realized just how much he’d missed it.

Ushijima’s brow furrowed in thought. “That is a good point, also. I will discuss it with my team during practice tomorrow. Thank you for your assistance, Satori.” 

Tendou grinned. “My pleasure, Wakatoshi-kun. I’m surprised you didn’t have the rest of your old teammates over. They have more experience than I do, ya know. They would’ve been helpful.”

“I have them over on occasion.” Ushijima paused the match. It was nearing the end of the second set, and it was already clear that the Germans would take an overwhelming victory. “They have good insight as well, but I wanted to hear yours. Semi often gives good advice, but Reon advised me that I should not invite him if you were coming.”

Tendou stifled a wince. “Did he say why?”

Ushijima was passive, as always. “He said you and Semi must have had some sort of disagreement. I didn’t ask any questions. It isn’t my business.”

Not for the first time, Tendou was grateful that Ushijima never pried. It was why the two of them had gotten along so well in high school. “Right. We just, uh… had a misunderstanding. Not a big deal.”

Ushijima accepted that easily. “That is unfortunate. You always were close friends back at Shiratorizawa. It is a shame you’ve grown apart.”

Tendou agreed, but didn’t say so. “Yeah, well… things happen, I guess.”

Ushijima made a vague sound of acknowledgment and rose from the couch. “Would you like some dinner? I will order in, since you agreed to take time out of your schedule to help me.”

Tendou knew Ushijima would have been perfectly fine without his help, but it was a nice offer all the same. It was also an excuse to stay longer, and Tendou didn’t care for the thought of returning to his empty apartment so soon. “Who could resist an offer like that? You’re so generous, Wakatoshi-kun.” 

Ushijima ignored the compliment and went into the kitchen, Tendou following a few steps behind. He pulled a stack of delivery menus from a drawer and spread them on the table for Tendou to look through.

Clearly Ushijima wasn’t much for cooking. Tendou guessed he was too busy, caught up in practices or flying out of town for matches.

“Hey, Waka?” said Tendou, flipping through a selection of gyudon. 

“Yes?”

Tendou shouldn’t ask. No matter what the answer was, it was going to hurt. He should follow Ushijima’s example and mind his own business. 

Regardless, he said, “How long have Semi and Shirabu been together?”

He didn’t look up, but he felt the weight of Ushijima’s stare. There were a few strained seconds of silence, and Tendou thought he wouldn’t answer.

Finally, Ushijima said, “I believe they began dating shortly after Shirabu graduated from Shiratorizawa. He enrolled at the same university Semi attended. Goshiki started there the following year, and he and Shirabu still play on the university team.”

That wasn’t difficult math, even for Tendou. Four years. Semi and Shirabu had been together in some capacity for four years. 

It felt like a knife through the heart, but Tendou deserved that. He knew he shouldn’t have asked.

“Oh,” he said weakly, tossing that menu back onto the table and selecting another at random. “Uh… good for them.”

Ushijima was still watching, but Tendou didn’t look at him. He wasn’t sure he could keep the disappointment off of his face.

Four years. Semi had said the two of them had been broken up during his night with Tendou, but if they’d been together for four years, that didn’t really matter. They’d gotten right back together, as Semi had said they would. That night had been a mistake, for both of them. Tendou couldn’t help but think it was mostly his fault. He’d spent years pining after Semi. He must have done something to coerce him into it, although he couldn’t remember it. He’d been drinking. Maybe his recollection of that night was skewed. Maybe he’d tricked Semi into it somehow and just couldn’t recall. 

He realized that the best night of his life might have been the worst night of Semi’s. It was the night he’d slept with a man who wasn’t his boyfriend, followed by the morning he’d woken up in someone else’s bed.

No wonder Semi didn’t want to talk to him.

“I don’t like putting myself into business that isn’t mine,” said Ushijima, as calm as ever, “but if you would like to talk about something, I am willing to listen.”

Tendou looked up at him. Ushijima had grown slightly taller since high school, and he was built like a brick wall, but underneath that intimidating façade he was still the same slightly awkward Ushijima that Tendou had met back at Shiratorizawa.

They hadn’t gotten along at first. Tendou had thought Ushijima was a jerk, and had put more effort than necessary into annoying him. He’d only realized a month later that Ushijima considered them friends, despite Tendou’s obnoxious attitude, and Tendou had taken the time to learn Ushijima’s stiff mannerisms. 

They’d been close, once. Closer than Tendou had let himself get with anyone. Ushijima had been his best friend. 

“Thanks, Waka,” said Tendou, dropping his gaze back to the menu in his hand. He couldn’t focus enough to know which restaurant it was for. “There’s nothing to talk about. I’m good. Which of these places are your favorites?”

Ushijima didn’t push. He stepped up beside Tendou and sorted the menus into categories based on the quality of the food, explaining his reasoning behind each one. Tendou only half-listened. He was going to make Ushijima choose, anyway. 

But the longer he dragged this out, the more time he could spend with his old best friend. 

  
  
  
  
  
A few nights later, with his mind still stuck on the strategies of the German blockers, Tendou decided to rewatch that match. He wanted Japan to win; not because he was feeling especially patriotic, but because Ushijima deserved to take his team to the championships.

He pulled it up on his phone, propped it on the counter, and slumped over to watch.

It wasn’t the opportune time to watch a volleyball match, considering he was nearing the end of his work shift. If his boss had walked in and saw him, he would catch a long lecture at best, and lose his job at worst. But it was almost midnight, and Tendou had never seen his boss in the store past eight p.m.

Tendou had worked at the convenience store for three years. It wasn’t a glamorous job, and it didn’t pay as much as he would have liked, but it had its perks. His shifts were always late, so they didn’t interfere with his class schedule, although that meant he lost a fair amount of sleep. It was just around the corner from his apartment, so the trip to and from work was brief. The job itself was extremely easy, and during the late-night lulls in business he could whip out a textbook and try to catch up on his homework. 

Or analyze every move of a ninety-minute volleyball match.

The first set was wrapping up when the bell on the front door gave a loud _ding_. Tendou had installed that bell himself, so he could ignore the store completely until it alerted him to a new customer. His boss had thought he was taking initiative, and Tendou had basked in the praise rather than admitting he was just good at being lazy.

He was supposed to call out a greeting. He’d been told that multiple times in the same nagging voice, but his boss wasn’t there to watch him now, so he kept his mouth shut. He thought it was stupid, anyway. The customers didn’t want to talk. They wanted to buy whatever garbage they needed and leave with minimal human contact. Tendou was doing them a favor, really. He was a humanitarian.

He kept his eyes on his phone screen, but tracked the customer’s progress with his other senses. The cough of the cooler door indicated they’d gone to the back corner, and Tendou assumed it was one of the regular alcoholics who frequented the store. Not many types of people needed something at midnight. 

The cooler door thunked closed, and heavy footsteps cut down an aisle, approaching the register. Tendou had quietly hoped the person would just steal the drink so he didn’t have to deal with them.

As they got closer he straightened out of his slouch, putting his phone face-down so he could resume the match as soon as he was alone again. He pasted on a fake smile, started to offer the practiced greeting that his boss had drilled into his head, and froze with the words stuck to his tongue.

Semi stared back with an equal amount of shock, his jaw going slack as he recognized Tendou.

The moment dragged on, and Tendou couldn’t think of a single thing to say. It was rare that he was rendered speechless, but Semi wandering into another part of Tendou’s life where he didn’t belong had done the trick.

It was surreal seeing him there, bathed in the ugly fluorescents. That light washed people out, made them look tired and sick, but it did nothing to weaken Semi’s appeal.

Tendou thought Semi could never look unattractive, even if he tried. 

Tendou finally cleared his throat and said, “Heya, Semi-Semi.”

Semi didn’t react. He was still staring at Tendou like he’d seen a ghost. 

Tendou tapped a finger against the counter. “You want to buy that or what?”

Semi shuffled closer, still eyeing Tendou as if he was expecting to wake up from a dream. Or a nightmare, more likely. 

“What are you doing here?” said Semi, sliding a can onto the counter.

“What’s it look like?” Tendou tapped the name badge clipped to his shirt. It was backward, because he preferred that the customers didn’t know his name, but the store’s logo was stamped onto it. “Slaving my life away. A better question is what you’re doing here, buying this heart attack in a can.” He picked up the energy drink and gave Semi a disapproving frown. “You want to die at a young age? Your mother would be devastated.”

Semi scowled and snatched it back. “Shut up.”

“Not to mention it’s midnight,” said Tendou, checking the clock on the wall. “Shouldn’t you be sleeping or something?”

Semi’s eyes narrowed. He checked over his shoulder, as if making sure they were alone in the store. When he turned back, his stare was scalding. “You said you worked at the university.”

“What?”

“The university. In the finance department.”

When Tendou realized what he was talking about, it was like a slap in the face. He’d forgotten about that lie completely.

A normal person would have been abashed. They would have told the truth and hoped for the best.

But Tendou wasn’t normal, and his first instinct was to lie _better_.

“Oh, right!” said Tendou brightly. “I do. I only work here on the weekends, for a little extra cash.”

“It’s Tuesday.”

“Right,” agreed Tendou. “I’m covering a shift for one of my coworkers. His daughter is sick and he had to stay home with her. His wife left him last year so he’s a single parent now. I try to help him out when I can.”

Semi didn’t look away from him. His scowl went sharper. “You’re fucking lying.”

“How dare you,” said Tendou, pretending to be offended. “You come into my store and accuse me of something like this? I’ve never lied to you in my life, Semi-Semi. I can’t believe you would think that of me.”

“Shut the fuck up.” Semi slammed the can onto the counter and shoved it toward him. “I’m not stupid. Everybody else always believed your dumb stories but I know when you’re lying. If you don’t want to tell me the truth then just say so. I’ll stop asking.”

Tendou was a great liar. He’d learned the craft at a young age. If Semi had learned to pick up on his lies, even a little, he must’ve really been paying attention.

Tendou chose not to think too much about that. Instead he snapped back with, “What about you? Running around on the wrong side of town in the middle of the night. Shouldn’t you be home with your boyfriend?”

Semi winced, but the heat in his voice was still blistering. “That’s none of your fucking business, Satori.”

“You’re right,” said Tendou. He swiped the can over the scanner, the _beep_ louder than usual amid the tension. “It’s not. 300 yen.”

Semi threw the money at him, grabbed the drink, and stormed away. Tendou watched him go, seething.

Semi’s attitude was infuriating. He’d always been a little snappy, but now it was ridiculous. Tendou had only asked about Semi’s situation because he was concerned. It wasn’t normal for someone like Semi to wander around that far from home in the middle of the night. Obviously Tendou was worried about him. Semi should have understood that. He should’ve told Tendou what was going on instead of being an absolute jerk.

Then again, Tendou had lied to him; at the university, and again ten seconds ago. He probably didn’t want to share his problems with a liar, especially not one named Tendou Satori. Not after the night they’d had a few weeks back, not after the problems Tendou had caused him. 

Looking at it like that, it made sense that Semi would be unwilling to give Tendou an explanation. It wasn’t as if he owed him one. Semi didn’t owe him anything.

Tendou, on the other hand… if he owed the truth to anyone, it was Semi Eita. Maybe Ushijima had been Tendou’s best friend, but Semi had always been important to him too, in a different way. That hadn’t changed, even after five years apart. Semi would always be important to Tendou, even if they would never be together, even if Semi was destined to end up with Shirabu. 

Semi was Tendou’s friend, so none of that should matter.

Tendou darted around the counter and dashed toward the front door, although he knew he would be too late. Semi would already be too far for him to find, just out of reach, as he’d always been. Tendou slammed the door open and stepped onto the sidewalk, wildly scanning the street, his heart jumping into his throat when he found Semi standing only a few paces away, bathed in the halo of a streetlight. His arms were folded, energy drink clutched in his hand, his profile bright against the dark backdrop of the city street.

He should have been in a museum somewhere, because Semi Eita was the most beautiful art Tendou had ever seen.

“Semi.” Tendou moved away from the storefront. He knew leaving it unattended could get him fired immediately, but this was more important.

Semi turned away from him, arms crossing more tightly across his chest. “Fuck off.”

“Your mouth hasn’t always been that filthy,” said Tendou, drawing closer. “When did you lose your manners?”

Semi said nothing, and Tendou didn’t blame him.

“Look.” Tendou shoved his hands in his pockets, staving off the chill in the air. “I’m sorry, alright? It’s not my business. I shouldn’t have asked.”

Semi still didn’t speak, but the tension in his shoulders seemed to soften.

“I shouldn’t have lied to you, either,” continued Tendou, although the admission made him cringe. Tendou didn’t like being honest. It made him feel as if he was exposing too much of himself. It made him vulnerable, but if he could trust anyone not to take advantage of that vulnerability, it was Semi. “I don’t work at the university. I asked you to meet me there between my classes. I still haven’t graduated and I didn’t want to tell you.”

Semi shifted, slowly swiveling to face him. “Why?”

Tendou smiled. It was bitter. “I guess I didn’t want you to know how much of a loser I really am.”

Semi’s frown sketched a deep crease into his brow. “Are you really that stupid?”

Tendou shrugged. “Yeah, apparently. If I wasn’t, I would’ve finished school already.”

“That’s not what I meant, idiot,” said Semi. “You’d have to be stupid to actually believe you’re a loser because of that.”

Tendou couldn’t think of anything to say.

Semi sighed and cracked open the energy drink. He took a sip and his nose scrunched. “That’s disgusting.”

Tendou smiled a little despite himself.

Semi took another drink, shook his head at the taste, and looked off across the street. “Shirabu and I had a fight, so I left. Reon lives nearby, and I stay with him sometimes, but I felt too guilty to go over there. He’s always cool about it, and his fiancée is as nice as he is, but it’s like… they have this perfect thing going, you know? And I’m sleeping on their couch because I can’t keep my shit together for more than a couple weeks at a time.” He sighed. “It’s embarrassing, I guess.”

Tendou expected to be pleased at the news of Semi’s struggles with Shirabu, but he just felt bad that Semi was suffering. 

“Come back inside,” said Tendou, jerking his head toward the store. “It’s freezing out here.”

He expected Semi to argue, but he did as Tendou said. The two of them returned to the warmth of the store, which was still empty. Tendou supposed he wouldn’t be losing his job after all.

“Throw that poison away,” said Tendou, gesturing toward the can in Semi’s hand. “We have hot tea that’s not half bad. I’ll get you some.”

Semi went into the bathroom, presumably to pour the drink down the drain, and Tendou filled a pair of Styrofoam cups from the hot tea dispenser. It wasn’t the best, but it wasn’t disgusting, either. He pressed one of the cups into Semi’s hand when he emerged, and they migrated toward the counter, sipping at their drinks. The tension between them had fizzled out, leaving only peace behind. It was a nice change, and Tendou wished it could last.

“What are you planning to do, then?” he asked. “If you’re not going to Reon’s.”

“Wait it out. That’s why I needed caffeine.” Semi leaned against the counter. “Shirabu leaves at six-thirty for morning practice. I can still go back and get a few hours of sleep before work.”

“That’s not healthy.”

“Right,” scoffed Semi. “Because I’m very concerned about my health.”

“Why don’t you just sleep on the couch?” said Tendou. “Isn’t that what normal couples do when they fight?”

Semi’s mouth twisted into a frown. “That’s not how it works for us. When I need to get away, I need to get the fuck away. The couch isn’t far enough.”

Tendou didn’t say anything, but apparently he didn’t have to. Semi guessed the direction of his thoughts.

“It’s not his fault,” said Semi, taking another sip of his tea. “Not always. He can be a fucking dick sometimes, but it’s me, too. This one was me. I started it.”

Tendou wanted to ask what the fight had been about. He wanted to ask a lot of things that weren’t appropriate for him to know. He settled with saying, “I always knew you were a troublemaker, Semi-Semi.”

Semi huffed under his breath, unoffended.

Time trickled by. A regular customer came in to buy a six-pack and some cigarettes. Tendou rang up the purchase and Semi stepped off to the side, out of the way. As soon as the customer left, he was right back, propping his elbows on the counter. 

“I’d kill for a pack of cigarettes right now,” he said, gazing at the selection over Tendou’s shoulder.

Tendou’s eyebrows rose. “You smoke?”

“Not anymore.” Semi sighed, wistful. “I did for a couple years. When I realized how stupid it was, I quit. Still miss it sometimes, though.”

“I should be surprised,” said Tendou, “but I’m really not. It fits the bad boy image.” He held up his hands in front of him, creating a makeshift frame for Semi’s face. “Piercings, tattoos, leather… a cigarette really completes the picture here.”

Semi slapped his hands away, but he was smiling. “Shut up.”

“It’s a definite improvement from your high school fashion taste,” teased Tendou. “You were a walking disaster, Semi-Semi. I was almost embarrassed to be seen out in public with you.”

“Look who’s talking,” said Semi. “When I went anywhere with you, you’d take off running every time you saw a manga store. You’re the embarrassment.”

“As least my clothes matched.”

“Fuckin’ nerd.”

Tendou grinned. “That hasn’t changed.”

“Yeah, I guess it hasn’t.”

Semi finished his drink, and Tendou stacked their cups together before tossing them in the trash. Tendou should have paid for the tea, but he wasn’t worried about it. Two 100-yen cups wouldn’t bankrupt the store.

“My shift ends in half an hour,” said Tendou, checking the time. “You can come to my place and get some sleep. Wandering the streets all night isn’t your best idea.”

Semi went tense, brows pulling low. “Tendou, I can’t-”

“I don’t mean like that,” said Tendou quickly. “You can just crash on the couch until morning. That’s it. Totally platonic sleepover.”

Semi’s tension eased, but he was still guarded. “Last time, I shouldn’t have… I mean, sure, technically I broke up with Shirabu the day before but… I still-”

“I know, and I’m sorry,” said Tendou, cutting Semi short before he started rambling. “I shouldn’t have come onto you, or… whatever I did.” He honestly couldn’t remember. Everything had been such a blur that he didn’t know exactly how it had started. “I won’t do anything. I swear.”

Semi frowned at him, as if trying to see straight into his head. “Are you fucking serious?”

Tendou reflected on his words. He didn’t think he’d said anything wrong. “Uh… yeah?”

Semi shook his head and turned away, and Tendou was afraid he’d destroyed the truce they’d built.

“Maybe you are stupid,” muttered Semi. “Fuck, Satori.”

Tendou thought through his words again, and then one more time, just to be sure. He didn’t know what he’d said wrong. Usually it was obvious when he was being offensive, and it was almost always on purpose. “I don’t know what you-”

“You didn’t come onto me, idiot,” said Semi. He folded his arms, still looking away. “I started it. I kissed you first.”

“Yeah, but you’d been drinking. I shouldn’t have-”

“Shut up, Satori.”

Tendou snapped his mouth shut.

“I had four beers,” said Semi. Tendou could only see the side of his face, but it was enough to notice the dark flush spreading across his cheeks. “I wasn’t drunk. I knew exactly what I was doing. Hell, I knew what I was doing as soon as I agreed to stay at your place. Maybe that wasn’t the reason you invited me over, but it was the reason I went.”

Tendou’s mouth was dry. That didn’t make sense. He couldn’t believe Semi had done that on purpose, that he’d wanted to sleep with Tendou for any reason other than a drunken mistake.

“I was the one who fucked up.” Semi lowered his head and scuffed the toe of his boot against the tile floor. “I knew better, I did it anyway, and I took it out on you. It wasn’t your fault.”

Tendou couldn’t accept that. “It wasn’t all your fault, either. I knew about Shirabu. I should’ve-”

“You thought we’d broken up,” said Semi, talking over him. “We _did_ break up. You didn’t do anything wrong. I just… I knew we’d be right back together and I did it anyway. I couldn’t _not_ do it, not after all those fucking years thinking about it.”

Tendou’s breath caught. That couldn’t mean what he thought it meant.

“Sorry I was an asshole about it.” Semi rubbed at the back of his hair, ruffling it into a mess. “Really.”

“It’s fine,” said Tendou quietly. “You don’t have to apologize.”

“Yeah, I do.” Semi sighed, and finally turned to face him. His cheeks were dusted with pink, but his frown outweighed the blush. “I have enough bullshit to deal with. I shouldn’t push any of it off on you. But yeah, I’ll sleep on your couch, if you’ll let me. I promise I won’t sneak into your room and try to take advantage of you.”

He said it like he was trying to lighten the gravity of the conversation.

Tendou barely stopped himself from admitting he wouldn’t mind that at all.

“Okay then,” said Tendou, forcing a smile. “As long as my virtue is safe.”

Semi’s mouth twitched, and though it wasn’t an actual smile, Tendou thought it still counted. 

The last half hour of Tendou’s shift passed quickly, and when his coworker showed up to take over, he and Semi left together. The walk to Tendou’s apartment was casual, lacking the awkwardness Tendou had expected. It felt natural to talk to Semi like this, without the tension of their reunion lingering between them. 

Tendou thought maybe they were becoming friends again.


	4. Chapter 4

As always, Tendou’s alarm went off at eight a.m. He rolled over, slapped at his phone screen until the beeping stopped, and slumped back onto his pillow. His first class started in thirty minutes. That gave him just enough time to throw on some clothes, grab his bag, and make the twenty-five minute walk to campus. If he didn’t get up immediately, as he knew from repeated personal experience, he would be late.

Still, he didn’t move.

The apartment was the same as always. Everything was strewn in a careless disarray. The sunlight filtered through the edges of the closed blinds to fall in stripes across his face. The sound of his upstairs neighbor’s footsteps were a distant thud overhead. 

It seemed the same, but Tendou knew it was different.

When he finally crawled out of bed, it wasn’t with the necessary urgency to get himself ready and rush off to class. He crossed his room slowly, quietly, and cracked open the door. 

Semi was still there, dead asleep, one arm dangling off the edge of the couch.

Tendou retreated into his room and eased the door shut. He stood there for a minute, awkwardly. He wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do now. The obvious course of action would be to wake Semi up so they could go their separate ways. That was inevitable, after all. Tendou knew that, just as he knew Semi would go right back to the apartment he shared with Shirabu. 

Still, Tendou didn’t like the thought of him leaving so soon.

The night before hadn’t been awkward at all, once they’d gotten to the apartment. Tendou had changed into sweatpants, offered Semi some comfortable clothes that he declined, and they’d sat on the couch together and watched tv for a while before Tendou broke away to go to bed. It had been comfortable, easy. Tendou had felt like they were back in high school, when Tendou would stay over at Semi’s place every couple of weekends. 

He didn’t want it to end.

There was rustling from beyond the door, paired with a muffled groan. Tendou went still, frozen with one ear pressed against the door. 

“Satori?”

The voice was groggy, dazed. Tendou went into the living room and was greeted by a half-awake Semi. His hair was mussed, his clothes were rumpled, and there was a red line cutting across his face from the way he’d been lying on the couch. 

Tendou’s heart swelled with fondness and he fought to stomp it down. “Morning, Semi-Semi. Sleep well?”

Semi blinked fuzzily up at him. “Yeah, I guess. Time is it?”

“A little after eight.”

Semi grumbled something that Tendou didn’t catch and pushed himself off the couch. “That’s not too bad.” He scratched at his hair. It was a tangle of ashy brown, the bleached tips curling at the ends. “Thanks for letting me sleep here.”

“No problem,” said Tendou. He tried to sound casual, like he wasn’t on the verge of a personal crisis. The last time he’d stayed over, Tendou hadn’t gotten the opportunity to deal with a half-asleep Semi. It was almost too much for him to handle. “My couch is always here for you.”

Semi grumbled something else that may have been gratitude. It was hard to tell; his words were sticky from sleep. He rubbed at his eyes and looked around, a little more aware. “I should go.”

Tendou knew he was going to say it. It was inevitable. That didn’t stop his heart from sinking. “Sure. We could get breakfast first, if you want. There’s this nice little café down the street.”

“Don’t have time,” said Semi. “I have to go home and get ready for work. Early shift today. Earlier than usual, anyway.”

“Right.” Tendou told himself he wasn’t disappointed. “Okay then.”

“Some other time, maybe.”

The disappointment that Tendou was trying to ignore vanished instantly. “Sure, Semi-Semi. Whenever you want.”

Semi went the door and leaned against the wall to pull on his boots. Tendou watched him more closely than he should have, just in case this was the last time he got the opportunity to see Semi in his apartment. Or anywhere at all.

“What do you do for work, anyway?” asked Tendou, as Semi tugged his laces tight. “I never asked.”

Semi tied off his boot and stood upright. “I should just make something up, since you lied to me about your job. Then we’d be even.”

The way he said it, with a twist of humor touching his mouth rather than true irritation, made Tendou grin. “Lie to me, then.”

Semi huffed a laugh under his breath. “I work for a digital media company. Software programming. I just sit around and code shit all day.”

Tendou tilted his head. “That sounded like the truth, but now I’m not sure.”

Semi’s smile softened his face. “It’s the truth. I’ve been doing it for three years. I dropped out of university halfway through, after I learned the basics of coding. I didn’t see the point in getting a degree if I could find a job without it. That was around the time I started smoking, too. I made a lot of bad decisions that year.” He pushed a hand through his hair, shoving it away from his face. “And that’s why I don’t care you haven’t finished school yet. At least you’re still trying. I just gave up.”

“Looks like it turned out okay for you.”

“Yeah, I guess it did. I got lucky.” Semi glanced at the door, and then back at Tendou. “Thanks again for letting me stay. I owe you one.”

“You don’t owe me anything, Semi-Semi.” Tendou waved him off. “I’ll talk to ya soon, maybe.”

“Yeah,” agreed Semi, as he exited the apartment. “Talk to you soon.”

With that he was gone, and Tendou slumped against the doorway. He thought back to the last time Semi had stormed out of his apartment. This departure was much better than the last one, overall. At least they were still on speaking terms. 

Of course Tendou wanted more – he’d always wanted more with Semi, and he always would – but he could be satisfied with this. If he could just be Semi’s friend, everything else would be okay.  
  
  
  
  
Tendou had never missed one of Ushijima’s volleyball matches, but he’d never seen one in person, either. He’d gone to preliminaries and tournaments in high school, of course, but he wasn’t prepared for the sheer exhilaration of an official National Team match. 

There was a veritable ocean of people, waves of them in every direction. The noise was deafening, the crowd was suffocating, and yet, the electrifying undercurrent of excitement was infectious. Watching a match on his ancient television was nothing compared to the real thing. He’d been missing out for _years_.

He slinked through the crowd, avoiding big clusters and screaming children. He’d never been to this stadium, but the layout was so obvious that it was impossible not to find his way through. He checked his ticket number one more time, matched his assigned seat to the numbers over the nearest entrance, and ducked through the wide doors.

The air was a little more breathable inside the stadium, once he was out of the corridors. It was still loud, and did nothing to curb Tendou’s eagerness, but he found himself relaxing a little. He traced his number to his respective seat and was pleased to find he was on the front row of the second level, with an excellent view of the court below. He shouldn’t be surprised. Of course Ushijima would have access to the best seats.

Tendou had almost declined the ticket, when Ushijima had offered. Maybe Ushijima’s other friends belonged there, but Tendou felt that he didn’t. He’d seen Ushijima three times since high school, all of them occurring within the past month. It seemed like taking advantage of his kindness, and though Tendou wasn’t above taking advantage of someone when it benefited him, he wouldn’t do that to Ushijima. 

He’d also been afraid Semi would have been invited too, and he wasn’t certain if he and Semi were friends or not. Tendou hadn’t heard from him since he’d spent the night, and that had been nearly two weeks ago. 

He hadn’t said any of that to Ushijima, but he hadn’t needed to. Somehow Ushijima had picked up on it anyway.

“Semi assured me that he does not mind if you are there,” Ushijima had said a few days before, when he’d met up with Tendou on campus. “I thought it was best to ask, because of your disagreement.”

It hadn’t been a disagreement at all, but Tendou hadn’t corrected him. He’d accepted the ticket with a thank you and a promise that he would be there.

Now that he was here, he was grateful he’d made that decision. He draped his forearms across the rail and looked down at the court, where the Japanese team had started their warmups. He easily found Ushijima among them, his jersey marked with the number 8. Tendou preferred him wearing a 1, but he thought that would come, in time. Ushijima had barely been on the team for a year. He would climb the ranks soon enough.

Tendou leaned on the rail for a few minutes, watching the practice serves and spikes, a little bitter despite himself. He had no reason to feel that way. He’d given up the sport willingly. It was too late to wonder what could have happened if he’d made different choices.

Besides, he would’ve never been on that court with Ushijima, no matter what decisions he’d made. He’d been good, but never that good.

“Tendou-senpai!”

The half-shout knocked Tendou out of his thoughts, and he was grinning before he turned around. “Well if it isn’t my favorite kouhai!”

Goshiki beamed as he rushed closer. Tendou hadn’t seen him since he was a first-year in high school, and the difference was drastic. His baby face was gone, his features stronger and sharper. He’d cut his hair into something resembling Semi’s hairstyle instead of his old bowl cut, and he’d grown taller, only a few centimeters shy of Tendou’s height. Still, the brightness of his eyes was the same, as was the air of genuineness that had always endeared him to Tendou. 

The only thing unfortunate about Goshiki’s appearance was that Shirabu was only a few steps behind him.

Tendou ignored the unpleasant twist in his gut and offered him a grin as well. “No offense, Shirabu.”

Shirabu waved him off, not looking directly at him as he went to his seat. 

“It’s been so long since I’ve seen you!” said Goshiki, reclaiming Tendou’s attention. “What have you been doing? Did you move away? Did you know we won Nationals during my third year? I was captain!”

Tendou wanted nothing more than to reach out and ruffle Goshiki’s hair, but he didn’t know if he’d outgrown that. Instead he leaned back on the rail and said, “I know, you did great that year. I couldn’t go to the match but I watched it on tv. You were a great captain, Tsutomu. I was so proud.”

Goshiki’s grin threatened to split his face. He bounced on the balls of his feet, as if resisting the urge to launch himself at Tendou.

Tendou wouldn’t have minded.

“The match is about to start,” said Shirabu, raising his voice to carry over the loud hum of conversations ringing inside the stadium. “Sit down so people can see over you.”

“Oh, right!” said Goshiki, immediately turning to do as he said. He plopped down in the seat beside Shirabu, still smiling.

Tendou was bemused until he remembered that Shirabu and Goshiki played on the same university team. Of course they got along; a setter and an ace needed to.

Shirabu gave Tendou a look, as if waiting for him to sit down, as well. Tendou glanced over the rail, realized the teams were lining up along the edge of the court, and turned to take his seat. He was at the aisle, with an empty seat beside him. Goshiki was in the next one, and Shirabu next to him. The rest of the row was filled with strangers, and Tendou assumed Reon and Yamagata hadn’t been able to make it. Ushijima had said Semi was coming, but there was no sign of him. The empty seat suggested he hadn’t made it, either. That may have been for the best, considering the Shirabu situation. Tendou had wondered all week how awkward it would be if both of them were there. Now he was spared, but still disappointed.

That disappointment only lasted until the first few seconds of the match, marked by a brutal serve from one of the German wing spikers. Semi slipped in front of him with a drink in each hand and a furrow digging between his brows. He silently gave one of the drinks to Shirabu and dropped into the seat between Tendou and Goshiki. Tendou expected Goshiki to move, or for Shirabu to tell him to, but none of them seemed to have a problem with the seating arrangement.

“Hey,” said Semi. He spared Tendou a quick glance before focusing on the court.

“Hey.”

“Glad you came.” Semi took a sip of his drink. It was in an insulated cup and Tendou assumed it was coffee. “Seems like you don’t get out much.”

Relief trickled through Tendou’s veins like fresh rain. “That’s insulting. I get out all the time. I have a very exciting social life.”

Semi snorted, and the curve of a smile touched his mouth.

Tendou was grateful they were at a game, because it gave him a pressing reason to look away.

The German team was good; Tendou already knew that because he’d spent the last two weeks analyzing their playing styles. Their entire team was skilled, but their blockers were fantastic. When Tendou wasn’t watching Ushijima, his eyes were drawn to them. He still preferred his guess blocking, but he couldn’t deny that their way was highly effective. In the first ten minutes of the match, one of them shut out a flawless spike from Ushijima, and Tendou couldn’t decide if he was impressed by the play or bitter that they’d blocked him.

“Damn,” said Semi, as the players rotated positions. “That guy’s good.”

Tendou hummed in agreement. Down on the court, Ushijima wiped his forehead with the back of his arm, watching the opposing team with tangible intensity. “Wakatoshi is better. He might lose a couple more, but he’ll figure it out quick. He knows their blocking style. He’ll adapt.”

“He said you worked on strategies with him,” said Semi. One of the German wing spikers, number 6, slapped the ball against the gleaming floor in preparation for his serve. 

“Yeah.” Tendou tossed a quick glance past Semi to confirm Goshiki and Shirabu weren’t listening to them. “Guess that’s why you didn’t get invited to the strategy session. Sorry, Semi-Semi.”

Semi shook his head. When he spoke, his voice was lower. “Shut up. I told you not to avoid anyone because of me. We’re good, alright?”

The serve sailed across the net, right toward Ushijima. He stepped deftly aside, and the ball slammed into the floor just outside the end line. A referee called it out, and Goshiki’s cheer was deafening.

“Sure,” said Tendou. He didn’t know if his smile was because of the new point on Japan’s scoreboard or because of Semi. “We’re good.”

The match was tense, as expected. Both teams were highly proficient, and both were determined to win. Japan lost the first set, just barely, and the surrounding spectators seemed devastated. Tendou wasn’t worried, though. 

Japan turned around the second set, and took it by a wider margin. Goshiki was so enthralled that Shirabu physically pulled him back into his seat after a particularly daring spike by Ushijima that achieved match point. 

Every now and then Goshiki leaned across Semi to talk to Tendou, but still Shirabu didn’t acknowledge him. He didn’t even acknowledge Semi, who seemed wholly unbothered. Shirabu had never been friendly, but Tendou had thought maybe he’d opened up since high school. Surely he’d undergone some drastic personality change, for Semi to date him. They hadn’t exactly gotten along at Shiratorizawa.

But Shirabu was the same as ever, down to his haircut. He was a little taller maybe, and had developed more muscle, but it seemed his attitude hadn’t changed at all.

Tendou had no idea how Semi and Shirabu had ended up together.

The match ended on a high note. Ushijima scored the final point, and Tendou found himself leaping out of his seat right beside Goshiki, who bounced up and down with such fervor that Tendou feared he would fly over the rail. The cheers were overwhelming, and Tendou lended his voice to the cacophony. 

The players lined up for their customary congratulatory meet with the other team, and Goshiki yanked at Tendou’s sleeve.

“The teams will meet with their fans downstairs after the match!” he said, more loudly than was necessary. “If we go now, we can talk to Ushijima-senpai!”

“Okay, sure,” said Tendou. “Let’s go.”

Goshiki was delighted. He turned to Semi and Shirabu, who’d already stood in preparation to leave. 

“We’re not going down there,” said Shirabu, before he even asked. “This crowd is ridiculous. We can talk to Ushijima anytime.”

“It’s different!” protested Goshiki. “He just won a game!”

“Congratulating him tomorrow won’t make a difference.” Shirabu started for the door, not looking back at them.

Semi gave a conciliatory shrug and said, “He’s right. I’ll see you guys later.” His stare lingered on Tendou, briefly, before he followed Shirabu out.

Tendou quashed his disappointment as he and Goshiki cut a path through the crowd. He felt as if he’d been let down somehow, and it was ridiculous. He didn’t know what he’d been expecting. Semi had left with his boyfriend, as he should have. 

Tendou needed to get over this, and fast.

Goshiki led him to the lower level with an ease that suggested repetition. Judging from the t-shirt Goshiki wore beneath his jacket, bright red and emblazoned with the same 8 that Ushijima wore on the court, Tendou guessed he was a frequent attendee of the National Team’s matches.

The meet and greet in the broad hallways outside the arena was just as packed as Shirabu had suggested. People were everywhere, clamoring close to the players, asking for autographs or pictures. The Japanese team was swamped, but the Germans weren’t short of fans, either. Many of them were foreigners who’d likely flown in for the game, but more than a few were locals. 

Goshiki spotted Ushijima first. He latched onto Tendou’s arm and dragged him along, parting the crowd with a little more force than was necessary. It wasn’t difficult for him. He was so big now, both in height and in muscle mass, that he outsized nearly everyone in the corridor.

Except for the team members themselves. Goshiki would have fit right in with them, and Tendou had little doubt that he would be among them someday.

“Ushijima-senpai!” called Goshiki when they were close, cutting in front of a pair of college-aged girls. “That was such a great match!”

“Thank you,” said Ushijima. His hair was wet, skin slick with sweat, but he still looked fit to grace the front cover of a sports magazine. “It was a tough game.”

“That last spike was so strong!” said Goshiki. “When I’m on the team, mine will be even better!”

It was such a Goshiki-typical thing to say that Tendou almost laughed.

Ushijima nodded, solemn. “I look forward to it.”

“Good game, Wakatoshi,” said Tendou at a much more reasonable speaking level. He extended a fist, and Ushijima paused before bumping his own against it. “You got the best of those blockers in the second set. They were _pissed_.”

Ushijima smiled, just slightly. “Only because you told me the best way to go about it. Thank you for your help, Satori.”

Tendou grinned. “Anytime.”

Goshiki looked back and forth between them, suspicious. 

The girls behind them were clearly growing impatient, so Tendou nudged him toward the door. “We’ll get out of your hair. Talk to you soon, Waka! Be careful signing autographs, don’t want to strain your spiking hand!”

In the same way that Goshiki had guided Tendou there, Tendou steered him back out, exhaling in relief when they reached the clear night air.

“I didn’t know you and Ushijima-senpai were friends again.” Goshiki said it with an edge of betrayal. “I didn’t think you’d been talking to any of us.”

Tendou tried to ignore the twist of guilt in his gut. He’d been feeling that far too often lately. He went up on his toes and slung an arm over Goshiki’s shoulders. It was more difficult than it used to be, when his kouhai had been smaller. “I saw him a couple weeks ago. We talked about the match a little, but that was it. I’m still a hermit, don’t you worry about that.”

Goshiki gave him a sidelong look, his bottom lip poking out. “Why, though?”

“It’s just how I am.” Tendou shrugged.

“You didn’t used to be. When we were on the same team you’d come out with us all the time.”

“Things change, Tsutomu.”

“Yeah, but they shouldn’t.” Goshiki folded his arms, pouting, but still didn’t push Tendou off of his shoulders. “You didn’t come to any Shiratorizawa games after you graduated. You promised you would.”

Tendou couldn’t ignore the guilt this time. It swallowed him like quicksand. He remembered making that promise, and remembered the exact moment he’d decided to break it.

“I know. I’m sorry.” He ruffled Goshiki’s hair the way he’d wanted to back in the stadium. “I moved to Tokyo straight out of high school and haven’t been back to Miyagi since. You’re in school here now, right? I’ll come to one of your university games to make up for it. When do you play?”

Goshiki brightened immediately. He rambled off a list of dates and times, and Tendou tried to sketch them down in his head. He was almost positive he would forget, and Goshiki seemed to think the same.

“Give me your number,” he said, pulling away from Tendou to whip out his cell. “I’ll send you reminders!”

Tendou needed to change his phone number immediately. Not only had Reon gotten it and shared it with Yamagata, but now Ushijima and Semi had it as well, and as he recited it to Goshiki, he thought this would be the worst of all. Goshiki had always been an excitable texter. 

He’d never been annoyed by that in the past, and as Goshiki gave him an overly enthusiastic goodbye, he doubted he would be annoyed by him now, either. 

Tendou felt the urge to walk Goshiki to the bus stop, because he didn’t think the boy should be trusted on the streets alone. He had to remind himself that Goshiki was an adult now, no matter how much Tendou’s brain refused to accept that.

He started walking in the opposite direction, toward the far end of the parking lot. Taking the bus would have been cheaper, but it would be packed so full that Tendou doubted he would be able to breathe. He usually didn’t spend money on taxis, but this seemed like a good occasion to break that rule. It would get him home faster, without having to share the same air as sixty strangers.

Before Tendou reached the end of the lot, where he could hail a taxi from the edge of the street, he heard a raised voice that was all too familiar. He scuffed to a stop, searching, and followed the sound to the corner of a parked bus that was still unoccupied. He should have kept walking. He knew that, even as leaned against the side of the bus to listen.

“-such a fucking asshole lately.”

That was Semi. Even if Tendou hadn’t recognized the voice, the language would have given him away.

“That’s interesting.” Shirabu’s voice was perfectly composed, as if he was discussing the weather rather than whatever had angered Semi. “I’ve been thinking the same thing about you. Are you sure I’m the problem, Eita?”

“Fuck you.” Semi spat the words with enough venom to make Tendou wince. “You don’t even care, do you? When I’m fucking upset you just don’t care. You never fucking care.”

“If you would tell me what you’re really upset about then sure, I would care. Instead you keep redirecting your anger to literally anything else. I’m getting tired of it.”

“Well I’m getting tired of your fucking attitude. You didn’t even speak to me during the match. When Tsutomu’s around, you’re too busy babysitting to talk to me.”

There was a low, airy huff, and Tendou thought it almost sounded like a laugh.

“That’s ironic, coming from you,” said Shirabu. 

“The fuck does that mean?”

“You know exactly what it means. Pretending otherwise is just insulting my intelligence.”

“Now who’s fucking redirecting?”

Tendou shouldn’t be hearing this. It wasn’t his business, and his investment in the outcome was unhealthy. Still, he couldn’t make himself walk away.

“I’m not doing this tonight, Eita.” Shirabu was still unruffled. He’d always been that way back in school too, until something triggered his temper. Either he’d mellowed out, or this argument wasn’t important enough to incite his anger. “I have early practice tomorrow. I’m going home and going to sleep.”

“And that’s what really matters, right?” said Semi, bitter. “Volleyball. Always just volleyball.”

“You’ve never had a problem with it before,” said Shirabu. An edge crept into his voice, hardening his words. “It’s almost as if you’re looking for a reason to be angry with me.”

“I don’t have to look for one. You always give me fucking plenty.”

“Fine then. Go sleep on Reon’s couch again if that’s what you want. Spend the evening complaining about how terrible I am. I couldn’t care less.”

There was the bite of a jacket zipper being yanked, and Tendou ducked behind the rear bumper of the bus just as Shirabu stepped around the side, hands in his pockets. He appeared perfectly calm, and the only indication of conflict was the dusting of red across his cheeks and the bridge of his nose. Though his hair covered it, Tendou knew the tips of his ears would be red, too. They’d always gone that way back in school when he’d gotten irritated.

He paced off toward the sidewalk, and a minute later, Semi emerged from the cover of the bus, too. He hesitated in the middle of the lot, as if uncertain about which direction to go. He ran a hand through his hair, pushing it away from his forehead, and finally started in the direction Goshiki had gone, toward the bus stop.

Tendou should have let him go. Interfering right after his fight with Shirabu would be a mistake.

But, like many mistakes in Tendou’s life, he chose to make this one anyway.

“Hey, Semi!” Tendou jogged after him, catching up after only a few strides. “You look lost. What’s up?”

Semi seemed relieved to see him. “Oh, hey. I, uh… I was trying to figure out which bus to take.”

“Oh?” said Tendou, feigning ignorance. “Where do you live?”

“Just down the street,” said Semi, gesturing vaguely south. He chewed at his lip and said, “I’m not going home, though. I haven’t really decided where I’m going.”

“Did something happen with you and Shirabu?”

“Yeah, we, uh… Yeah.” Semi pulled the collar of his jacket higher around his neck. It was leather, the same one he’d left at Tendou’s apartment after their night together. 

“Wanna talk about it?”

“No.” That answer was solid, unshakable. Semi fiddled with the zipper of his jacket, twisting it between his fingers. Without looking at Tendou, he said, “Do you think it would be okay if I stayed with you again? It’s fine if you don’t want me to, I can-”

“I told you,” said Tendou, “you can sleep on my couch anytime. I haven’t changed my mind.”

Semi half-smiled, but the crease remained between his brows. “Thanks, Satori.”

Tendou waved him back toward the street, and they fell into step together. Tendou tried not to think about how easily Semi had fallen back into the use of his given name, about how it made him feel to hear _Satori_ in Semi’s voice.

Tendou really, _really_ needed to get over this.

The ride across town was quiet. Semi stared out the window, lost in thought, and Tendou tried not to stare at him. When they arrived at the apartment, Semi insisted on spitting the taxi fare. They walked up the stairs together, and when Tendou unlocked the door, Semi stepped inside as if he belonged there. He pulled off his boots, placed them neatly beside Tendou’s shoes, and stripped off his jacket. He hung it by the door and slumped onto the end of the couch with a sigh. 

“Thanks for letting me stay again,” said Semi. He frowned, as if he was still thinking hard about something. “Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize to me, Semi-Semi,” said Tendou, trying to lighten whatever strange mood Semi had fallen into. “I don’t mind at all.” He plopped down on the couch too, because it was too early to exile himself to his bedroom. “Wanna watch something?”

“Yeah, sure. Whatever you want.”

Tendou chose an old movie, one that they’d both enjoyed back in high school. He had a vague idea of what was going on, but couldn’t devote his attention to it entirely because he couldn’t ignore the tension swelling between them, seemingly from nowhere. He wanted to think he was imagining it, but the stiffness of Semi’s posture suggested otherwise.

Tendou didn’t know what he’d done wrong. He replayed every interaction they’d had throughout the evening, from the stadium back to the apartment. He hadn’t said anything weird, and hadn’t acted any differently than usual.

Maybe Semi was just stressed about the Shirabu situation. It probably had nothing to do with Tendou at all.

Tendou told himself that, but still couldn’t help worrying.

When the movie was about halfway through, Semi said, “Can I use your bathroom?”

“Of course. Straight through the bedroom.”

Semi nodded in acknowledgement and rose, slipping through the open doorway. Tendou tried not to think about the last time Semi had been in his bedroom.

He thought about it anyway.

When Semi came back his hair was mussed, as if he’d pushed wet fingers through it. He hesitated by the end of the couch, brows still tucked together. 

“Something wrong?” asked Tendou, dreading the answer even as he posed the question.

“No,” said Semi. He moved, sitting closer to Tendou than he had before. “Nothing.”

Tendou didn’t believe him, but he didn’t push. He went quiet and fixed his stare on the tv, although he couldn’t focus his eyes enough to make sense of the moving shapes. He was hyperaware of Semi beside him, so close that he could hear him breathing.

“Hey, Satori?” Semi’s voice was quiet, nearly lost in the blare of the tv.

“Yeah?”

Semi didn’t respond, and Tendou tore his gaze away from the screen to look at him. Semi was closer than he’d thought, every line of his face visible, intensified by his frown. His eyes were dark, not only in color.

Tendou leaned back a little. “Semi?”

“Why do you call me that?”

“It’s your name,” said Tendou. It sounded more like a question than a statement.

“You used to call me Eita, when you weren’t using that stupid nickname.”

“We were closer back then.”

Semi’s mouth pulled down a little further on one side. “Yeah,” he agreed. “We could be close again, though.” He raised a hand, slowly, and brushed a piece of hair away from Tendou’s forehead. It must have fallen down; Tendou hadn’t noticed. Semi smoothed his fingers over Tendou’s temple, lingering at his cheekbone. 

Tendou’s heart burst into a breakneck pace. He felt the warmth rising in his face but could do nothing to fight it back. 

Semi licked his lips and leaned close, eyes fluttering closed, breath gentle against Tendou’s face. There was a twist of anticipation deep in Tendou’s gut, just before Semi kissed him.

Tendou felt like he was falling, like the taste of Semi’s mouth was the only thing keeping him from hitting the ground. He slipped a hand into the back of Semi’s hair, the texture like silk. One of Semi’s knees hooked around Tendou’s as he swiveled, turning further into him, bracing one hand against Tendou’s chest. He was up on one knee, one bare motion away from seating himself in Tendou’s lap.

Tendou wanted that. He wanted Semi on top of him, wanted his hands on Semi’s hips. He wanted to pull Semi closer, to create friction between them, to taste Semi’s gasp on his tongue. He wanted to do many things, and it seemed Semi was more than willing.

Tendou nipped at Semi’s lip, lightly, and dipped down to kiss his neck. He mouthed at the skin there, teased it with his teeth.

“ _Satori_.” Semi breathed the name directly into Tendou’s ear.

Tendou wondered if Semi said Shirabu’s name like that, too.

Shirabu.

The thought of him was like ice, flushing out the heat that surged through Tendou’s veins. He pressed a hand against Semi’s shoulder and pushed him away.

Semi sat back with a huff, his eyes hazy, bottom lip red from Tendou’s teeth. His hair was messed up, the side of his neck was damp from Tendou’s mouth, and Tendou had never seen anything more beautiful in his life.

“What?” said Semi. His voice was low, husky. “Want to move to your room?”

Tendou did. God, he did.

“Eita,” he said. He didn’t know if the use of Semi’s name was a good thing or not, but it slipped out before he could think better of it. “We can’t do this.”

Semi blinked, his eyes coming into sharper focus. “Why not?”

“What about Shirabu?”

Semi flinched as if he’d been slapped. He shifted back, putting more distance between them. “What about him?”

“He’s your boyfriend.”

“No, he’s not.” Semi glanced off to the side. “We broke up. In the parking lot, just before you found me. I told him I’m done.”

“Eita.” This time the name was soft, almost a whisper. “You don’t have to lie to me.”

“I’m not!” snapped Semi.

“I heard the two of you,” said Tendou. “That’s how I found you. You argued, but I know you didn’t break up with him.”

“What the fuck?” Semi pushed himself off of the couch, scowling down at Tendou. “You were eavesdropping on us? That’s fucking creepy, Tendou.”

Tendou remembered what Shirabu had said in the parking lot, about Semi redirecting his anger to avoid his true problems, about looking for reasons to be mad.

Tendou had assumed Shirabu had been wrong, because he was naturally inclined to take Semi’s side. Now he was second-guessing that.

“What are you doing here?” asked Tendou. “Of course I don’t mind, but… Shirabu wasn’t angry with you. You could’ve gone home. Why?”

Semi tried to stay offended, but there was a flicker of something else behind his eyes, something that made Tendou’s chest ache. “It’s none of your business. You don’t know anything about my relationship.”

“I know you’re here with me instead of at home with your boyfriend,” said Tendou quietly. “That says a lot about it.”

Semi opened his mouth, and Tendou thought he would start yelling. His face was burning and his eyes were flashing and Tendou braced himself for an onslaught.

Instead Semi struggled for words, failed to find them, and turned away from Tendou. He pushed a hand through his hair, gripping too hard before he let it fall away. 

“You can talk to me,” said Tendou. He pressed a thumb to his lip, where Semi’s mouth had just been. If Tendou hadn’t said anything, they would still be kissing. They could have moved onto something more. This had been the worst possible time for Tendou to realize he had a conscience. “About anything. You know that.”

“Maybe back in high school, when we were close,” said Semi, throwing Tendou’s words back at him. “Not anymore.”

“Eita.”

Semi turned back, and though he was still scowling, it looked forced. 

Tendou stood too, but didn’t move closer. “Tell me what’s wrong. I know there’s something. I’m not _that_ stupid.”

Semi wanted to argue. It was clear in the lines of his face. He looked like he’d been backed into a corner, and he needed to fight his way out. 

Tendou eased closer and reached out, slowly. He gripped Semi’s shoulder, squeezing lightly, trying to comfort him without crossing any lines. The fire in Semi’s eyes sputtered, burned out. He sucked in a breath, and it looked like it hurt. He wrenched away, but not before Tendou saw the quiver of his bottom lip.

“Why did you have to do this?” said Semi. “You fucked me before, right? I thought you liked it.”

“Stop.”

“If it wasn’t good enough for you, I can try harder. I have some tricks. Give me another shot and I-”

“Eita, _stop_.”

Semi went quiet, so quiet that the sound of the television was deafening. 

“Tell me what’s wrong,” said Tendou.

“Or what? You’ll kick me out?”

“No, you can stay here no matter what. I’d just like to know why you tried to lie your way into fucking me.”

Semi didn’t answer.

Tendou should have stayed quiet too, but he couldn’t stop himself. “Was this like last time? You knew this was what you came here to do as soon as you agreed to it. You’d already decided in the parking lot. That’s why you were so tense. You were working up to making a move.”

He expected Semi to deny it, to get angry all over again, but he didn’t.

“I’m sorry,” said Semi quietly. He folded his arms tightly, back still turned. “I shouldn’t have done it.”

“Then why did you?” Tendou didn’t mean for it to sound so harsh, but he didn’t take it back.

“I don’t know.”

“That’s not good enough.”

“I don’t _know_.” Semi said it with more force, but there was nothing angry about it. His voice was edged with desperation, and when he spun to face Tendou, it was reflected in his eyes. “I don’t know, Satori. I don’t know what I’m doing here. I should be home with Kenjirou, I know I should, but… _Goddamn it_.” He pressed a palm to his forehead, eyes scrunching closed.

Tendou realized Semi was trying not to cry, and he felt like he’d been punched in the gut. “Eita, wait.” He started to reach out, but made himself stop. “I wasn’t trying to upset you.”

“Shut up.” Semi glared at him, but the sheen of tears lessened the heat of it. “Kenjirou didn’t even do anything to piss me off. We were great until we got to the match. Even during the match, because I wasn’t thinking about him. Just you.” 

Tendou would have been pleased to hear that if this conversation wasn’t hurting him so much.

“That’s the problem,” said Semi. He wiped at his eyes with the heel of his hand. “That’s been the problem since the first night. When I broke up with him the day before, it was for something stupid. I didn’t think about it at the time, but… but maybe it was because I knew I might see you. Maybe I was already planning to go home with you even then. I don’t know. I wasn’t thinking it, but subconsciously… shit. I don’t know what I’m doing, Satori. I have no idea.”

He sounded broken. Tendou wanted to touch him, to hold him, to do anything he could do to put him back together. But this wasn’t the sort of thing Tendou could fix. His interference would only make it worse. 

“You’ve been together for years,” said Tendou carefully. “If the two of you break up that often, why do you stay together?”

“We fight a lot,” agreed Semi, “but it’s always about pointless bullshit. That’s why it’s easy to make up again. We never argue about anything serious, and we… Sure, I didn’t always get along with him. I hated him in high school, at least for a while, but now…” Semi trailed off. He didn’t seem in danger of crying anymore, but he didn’t look any less miserable. “When we started dating I wasn’t expecting much, but he’s different than I always thought. I care about him. Of course I do. We’ve been through a lot together, but…” Semi shook his head, eyes stuck on the floor. “I’ve always wanted to be with you, Satori. Since our second year of school. I was never brave enough to do anything about it, but I always wondered what could’ve happened.”

Tendou’s emotions were chaos. If he’d heard that before today he would have been thrilled, but now that he knew how much it was hurting Semi, it only caused him pain.

“Then you dropped off the face of the fucking planet,” said Semi, “and I never got a chance to find out. I’ve always thought about it. Even after you ignored me for five fucking years. That was the first thing I thought, when I saw you at the restaurant. I thought, oh look, Satori grew up damn well. If only I’d fucking confessed to him when I had the chance.” Semi laughed, but there was no humor in it. It was bitter, derisive. “How fucked up is that? I’ve got Kenjirou, and I love him, but I still never stopped thinking about you.”

Tendou felt like his heart was being ripped straight out of his chest. “Eita…” 

“I guess that’s the whole problem,” said Semi. He pushed a hand through his hair again, gripped it so hard that it must have hurt. “I love Kenjirou, but I’ve never felt the same way about him as I feel about you.”

That drove a knife straight to Tendou’s core. He wanted to say something, but he couldn’t speak, couldn’t move.

“I’m sorry,” said Semi. He covered his face with both hands, exhaled, and turned away. “I shouldn’t have unloaded all this bullshit on you. I shouldn’t have come over at all. I’ll go.”

“Eita, wait.”

Semi stopped, one hand braced against the wall by the door. His head was down, and he looked as if the weight on his shoulders was driving him into the ground.

“You can stay here,” said Tendou, “if you still want to. If you’d rather patch things up with Shirabu, then go. If you’re planning to find somewhere else to crash for the night, then stay.”

Semi kept his head down as he asked, “On the couch or in your bed?”

That stung, for a number of reasons. “The couch.”

Semi peered up at him. The lines of his face were expressionless, but his eyes reflected pain. 

“I can’t, Eita.” Tendou couldn’t believe he was doing this. Semi was all he’d ever wanted. Now that he was here, Tendou should be accepting him with open arms, in whatever way Semi wanted him. That was how he’d always imagined it would go, when he’d allowed himself to imagine it. He should take anything he could get. 

But knowing everything that Semi was going through, he couldn’t. Tendou was selfish, at times, but he wasn’t selfish enough to do this to Semi.

“You would hate me for it tomorrow,” said Tendou. “You know you would.”

“I don’t hate you after last time.”

“It’s different,” said Tendou, “and you know it.”

Semi didn’t answer. He still hovered beside his boots, as if on the brink of snatching them up and leaving.

“I care about you. I’ve always cared about you, more than I’ve ever cared about anyone.” Tendou had never thought he would admit that out loud, but now that he’d started, he couldn’t stop. “I was in love with you in high school. I thought about you all the time. Whenever I thought about what I wanted my future to be, you were always in it with me. I wanted you so much, Eita. That hasn’t changed. I still do. I would do _anything_ for you, but I can’t do this.”

Semi’s grip tightened around the corner of the wall, his nails digging into the plaster. He bit his lip so hard that Tendou wouldn’t have been surprised if it had dripped blood.

“I can’t let you bounce back and forth between me and Shirabu whenever it’s convenient for you,” said Tendou. “Not because of me, but because of you. You’re a good person, Eita. It would rip you apart. It’s already ripping you apart. I can see it. You need to figure out what’s best for you. If it’s Shirabu, then I won’t bother you anymore. I won’t call. I’ll stop talking to Wakatoshi and everyone else, so you can go back to how things were. I can live without them, but I can’t live like this, knowing you’re miserable.”

“I would never ask you to do that,” said Semi. His voice was strained, on the verge of cracking apart. “I wouldn’t ask you to throw away your friends again.”

“I know, and you wouldn’t have to ask. I would do it anyway.”

Semi closed his eyes. His eyebrows twitched into a shaky frown. When he spoke, he sounded lost. “Satori, I don’t know what to do.” 

“I know,” said Tendou, “and I can’t help you with that. You have to figure it out. This is your choice, Eita. Make it for you, not for me or for Shirabu. Just for you.” 

Semi bit his lip again, but couldn’t swallow back a sob. He covered his face, fingers shaking.

Tendou wanted to go to him, wanted to comfort him, but knew he couldn’t. Not now. “I’m going to my room, and I’m going to shut the door and stay in there until morning. If you want to sleep here, go ahead. I don’t mind. If you want to leave, I won’t stop you.”

Semi nodded, face still hidden, and Tendou left the room. He shut himself in his bedroom and slouched into the floor, his back against the door, his emotions swelling so high that he thought he would drown in them. 

Tendou closed his eyes and listened past the bedlam in his head. There were a few muffled sobs from the living room, but they tapered off quickly. Semi had always considered these sorts of emotions to be a weakness. Tendou remembered that from high school. Semi’s father had died during their third year, and he’d refused to let himself get upset over it. He’d pretended he was fine all the way through the funeral, and until Tendou had come over to spend the night. Semi had cried then, tears full of sorrow and shame, and Tendou had felt completely helpless.

He felt that same sort of helplessness now.

Beyond the door, there was sudden silence. Tendou didn’t understand why, until he realized the tv had been turned off. He’d forgotten it was even on. It had become all too easy to ignore. The silence lingered, and then there was the low squeak of the couch. A sniffle followed, but after that, everything was quiet. 

Semi was staying, but Tendou didn’t know if that was good or bad.

He sat in the floor for a while, long enough that his legs were numb when he finally dragged himself upright to get ready for bed. He soaked in the silence for too long, aware that he wouldn’t get much sleep, wondering if Semi was awake, too.

Most of all, he wondered if he’d said the right things to Semi.


	5. Chapter 5

The following morning, Tendou woke up alone in his apartment.

He’d been afraid to go into the living room, in case Semi was still there. When he’d worked up the nerve after twenty minutes of uncertainty, it was only to discover that he was gone. 

Tendou didn’t know if he was disappointed or relieved. Maybe both.

There was a note on the counter, penned in Semi’s meticulous handwriting. It was written on the back of a receipt for two coffees, from the stadium the night before. 

_I’m sorry._

Somehow it sounded like a goodbye. 

Tendou threw the note away, but retrieved it from the garbage only a minute later. He tucked it into a drawer instead, aware even as he did it how stupid it was.

Semi was gone. Tendou had known that would happen, and he wasn’t upset about it. It wasn’t as if he’d lost anything. Semi had never been his at all.

Tendou got ready for his early shift at work, his body moving on autopilot. It was fortunate that he didn’t have to think too much about getting dressed or walking down the street to the store. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have made it. His brain was distinctly separate from his body, operating on a different plane, one filled with fog and regret.

Distantly, he thought Semi probably didn’t work on Sundays. His job sounded like a weekday-only kind of thing. Which meant if Semi hadn’t gone to work, he must have gone back home to Shirabu.

To Tendou’s surprise, he wasn’t mad about that, either.

He wanted Semi to be happy. That was the bottom line, the top priority. Of course Tendou wanted to be happy too, but Semi was more valuable to him. If only one of them could live a good life, he wanted it to be Semi. He deserved it, even if it was with Shirabu. That was fine. Tendou could live with it.

It stung a little, but he could live with it.

  
  
  
  
  
As days passed, first a handful and then more, it started to sting a little less. Tendou’s mind was still on Semi more than it should have been, but he was so busy with finals that he didn’t have time to obsess over him. He volunteered for extra shifts, so he wouldn’t have the chance to sit at home alone and think about Semi. He called up Ushijima and went out to dinner with him, and even met up with Yamagata for drinks. He’d told Semi he was willing to cut all contact with their old teammates, and it had been the truth. He would have stopped talking to them in an instant, if there was even a chance that it would lead him to cross Semi’s path. As long as he spent time with his friends individually instead of in a group, there didn’t seem to be any danger.

It had been two weeks since Tendou had seen Semi, then three, then a solid month.

Tendou was over it. He had to be. Hanging on wouldn’t get him anywhere.

A new semester started, and if Tendou kept himself on track, it would finally be his last. One day he came home late from class, went straight to the kitchen, and took the receipt with Semi’s last message out of the drawer. He read it too many times, let himself hurt for a few minutes, and threw it away. 

This time he didn’t dig it out of the trash.

He went to one of Goshiki’s games at the university across town, despite his reluctance. Of course he wanted to see his kouhai, but he was afraid of who else would be there. He convinced Ushijima to go with him, as a social buffer.

There was no need. Semi wasn’t there.

Shirabu was though, which was unavoidable.

When Goshiki rushed over to Ushijima and Tendou after the game, chattering excitedly about some of his best spikes, Shirabu walked past and gave Tendou a look that was so detached and indifferent that Tendou felt like fleeing.

Instead he poured himself into the conversation with Goshiki, praising him for his performance, offering to buy him a drink for his win. Goshiki grudgingly declined, because his coach had forbidden him from drinking alcohol during their season. Apparently there had been an incident at the beginning of the year, one that Tendou desperately wanted to know about.

But Shirabu was still around, and Tendou’s need to escape outweighed his curiosity. He and Ushijima left, and Tendou barely felt disappointed that he hadn’t seen Semi there.

At least, not until later when he was at his apartment alone, with plenty of time to think. 

He needed to come to terms with never seeing Semi again. That was the only way he could get past the twist of anticipation he felt every time his phone rang, or every time he saw someone on the street with silver piercings or a leather jacket. It wasn’t healthy. It was pathetic, if anything. 

Tendou had done what was best for Semi, and he didn’t regret that. The sooner he accepted that Semi was out of his life for good, the sooner he could move on. He’d gone five years without a single word from Semi. Going five more, and then ten more, and then twenty… he could do it. He knew he could do it. To prove it to himself, he deleted Semi’s number from his phone, as a symbolic gesture. He was over it, and he refused to waste more time sulking.

That Saturday he went out with Ushijima, who had a couple of days free from his team obligations. There was another big match coming up the following week, this one against the Venezuelan National Team. Ushijima would be flying out in a few days, and Tendou quietly lamented that he wouldn’t be in attendance. Still, that wouldn’t stop him from helping Ushijima prepare for the game. They had dinner at an izakaya down the street from Ushijima’s condo, and after they’d eaten, Tendou followed Ushijima home to rewatch the Venezuelan team’s best matches of the season.

“I saw them play against USA about a month ago,” said Tendou, idly kicking his heels against the couch as Ushijima chose the most recent match. “They were good. Like, really good. Their captain is an excellent wing spiker. And their libero is fantastic. You should watch out for that, Waka. If anyone can pick up your serves, it’s him.”

Ushijima didn’t quite frown, but a crease dug into his brow. “He is skilled. He must have a weakness, however. I can deal with him just fine, but I want my teammates to have every advantage that they can get.”

“You’ll be a great captain for the National Team, Wakatoshi,” said Tendou, reclining back with a grin as Ushijima selected a match. “I give it a year before they ask you to step up, maybe less.”

“I am satisfied where I am.”

“But if they asked,” said Tendou, “would you say yes?”

Ushijima considered that. “I suppose I would, if it was in the team’s best interest.”

Tendou laughed to himself and settled in, eyeing the Venezuelan team before they took their positions on the court.

Everything about this had become comfortable for him. Analyzing opponents had always been one of his interests, especially when the players were on the high caliber of a National Team. Over the past few months he’d gotten comfortably reacquainted with Ushijima, and it was relaxing to lounge in his condo like this, talking about volleyball and, on occasion, their personal lives. Neither of them had much to say about that, though; Ushijima was too busy with his team to do anything else, and Tendou rarely set foot outside his apartment except to go to school and work. And, more recently, to meet up with his old teammates.

Tendou liked being there. It was cozy, safe.

At least, until the beginning of the second set of the match.

Venezuela had won the first one easily. Tendou was watching the libero so closely that he’d fallen into a perpetual squint, trying to pick out any flaws in his gameplay. So far it seemed to be perfect, and it was frustrating. 

He was so focused that he hardly noticed the distant sound of the front door opening, or the jangle of keys that approached from the entryway. When he realized Ushijima was still beside him, he immediately assumed someone had broken in and they were about to be robbed. 

When the new arrival stepped into the room, Tendou wished it had been a burglar instead.

“I picked up some stuff for breakfast,” said Semi, hefting a paper bag as he struggled to shove his keys in his pocket. The tv was loud, but Tendou had no trouble hearing him. He could have heard Semi’s voice with crystal clarity through the rage of a typhoon. “Chicken was on sale at that place a couple blocks over. I thought we could have oyakodon and…” He’d looked to Ushijima, but found Tendou instead. His eyes went wide with the exact sort of surprise that threatened to suffocate Tendou.

Tendou had come to terms with giving Semi up. He was okay with it. He’d accepted that Semi would have a long and happy life.

With _Shirabu_. Not with Ushijima, not with the best friend that Tendou had reconnected with, not with the man that everyone wanted but no one could have.

Tendou had thought he was okay, but he definitely wasn’t okay with _this_.

“Thank you,” said Ushijima, speaking through the smog-thick tension. “If you will leave it in the refrigerator, I will begin some meal preparation later tonight.”

If Semi heard that, it was ignored. He didn’t move from his spot in the middle of the room. Slowly, he dragged his eyes away from Tendou to address Ushijima. “I thought you were going out with Reon.”

“I did not say that.”

“No, but I assumed…” Semi trailed off, looked at Tendou again, and hugged the paper bag closer to his chest. “I’ll just put this up and get out of your way.” 

“Don’t worry about it,” said Tendou. He felt like he was falling apart, but his voice was surprisingly steady. “I’ll go. I don’t want to impose.” He pushed himself off the couch, not looking at either of them as he crossed the room with the blare of the forgotten match in his ears. “Thanks for having dinner with me, Waka.”

“Tendou, wait,” said Semi. “You don’t have to go.”

“It’s fine. I didn’t know about… this.” He gestured vaguely, still looking at no one. “If I had, I wouldn’t have come.”

“No, that’s not… Listen…”

Tendou ignored him. It was easier than enduring whatever excuse Semi was about to scrape together. He reached the door that led to the entryway. Down the corridor, the slanted glow of city lights shone through the panels of the front entrance. That was Tendou’s escape. All he had to do was get to that door and he would be fine. He would forget that this had even happened and-

“ _Satori_.”

Ushijima’s booming voice cut straight through Tendou’s shock, replacing it with a different kind of surprise. He turned back, startled. He’d rarely heard Ushijima raise his voice, and all of those times had been on a volleyball court. Here, in close quarters, the sound of it was downright intimidating.

Ushijima had risen to his feet. He was imposing; he always had been, but Tendou had never been on the receiving end of that commanding aura.

“You are not leaving this apartment,” said Ushijima. His voice was no longer loud, but that made it no less authoritative. “You are my guest. There is no reason for you to go.”

Tendou glanced at Semi. There was one very good reason. “I know, Waka, but I don’t want to-”

“Do not,” said Ushijima, “finish that sentence. Whatever you are about to say is wrong.” He moved toward Semi and took the bag out of his hands. “I do not know what happened between the two of you, but I do know that you need to discuss it. I will put up the groceries and step onto the terrace to give you privacy. Talk about whatever is wrong. Remember that you were teammates, once. More importantly, you were friends. Do not throw that away.” Ushijima gave the pair of them a stern look and left the room. There was noise from the kitchen, the clink of jars and a rustle of paper. Then he passed back through the living room and disappeared down the hallway. Distantly there was the sound of a sliding door, and then silence.

Tendou wondered if Semi was looking at him. He couldn’t work up the nerve to check.

“I think he did this on purpose,” said Semi quietly. “He always tells me when you’re coming over, so I can go somewhere else. I didn’t think it bothered him, but… I guess I was wrong.”

Reluctantly, Tendou turned toward him. Semi stood with his arms folded, frowning down at the carpet. He’d seemed out of place the first time he’d been in Tendou’s apartment, and he looked the same here in Ushijima’s. 

“Sorry,” said Tendou, matching his low tone. “I didn’t know. I won’t come over anymore.”

“We’re not together, if that’s what you’re thinking.”

Tendou glanced up and accidentally met Semi’s eyes. “What?”

“Me and Wakatoshi,” said Semi. “We’re not together.”

There was no reason for Tendou to feel relief. It wasn’t any of his business if they were dating, not really. Still the relief was there, washing through him in a soothing wave. “Oh.”

“I’ve been living here.” Semi scratched at his hair as he explained, his interest in the carpet renewed. “I was only staying while I looked for a place, but Wakatoshi said I didn’t have to move out. It’s a big condo. He thinks it’s wasteful for only him to live here.”

That did sound like Ushijima, but the rest of the story didn’t make sense. 

Tendou didn’t want to ask, because he shouldn’t care. But he had to know. It was the only way to make sense of this. “What about Shirabu?”

Semi’s face didn’t change. His slight frown endured as he said, “We broke up. For good this time. It’s been a month now. The longest we ever stayed apart after a breakup was three days, so… I know this one is permanent.”

Tendou wasn’t pleased by the news. He didn’t feel anything in particular. Semi and Shirabu breaking up may have been good for him a while back, but considering Semi still hadn’t spoken to him, there was nothing to be pleased about. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah. I am now, anyway. I wasn’t when it happened.” He smiled to himself, ruefully. “Kenjirou was too calm about it. I wanted him to be pissed, you know? I wanted to fight so I’d feel better about breaking it off, but he just told me to do whatever made me happy. He said…” Semi slid a glance at Tendou and quickly looked away again. “He said a lot of things. Things that made me realize what a complete fucking dick I’ve always been to him. I didn’t realize how shitty I was until then. I don’t know why he stayed with me so long.” Semi’s regret was muted, but it was there, a low undercurrent that painted his voice in shades of murky gray.

“I’m sorry, Semi-Semi.”

“Don’t be,” said Semi. “It was for the best, for both of us. I haven’t seen him, but… I hear he’s doing well. His team won their last game. They’ll be playing in the championship match.”

“Yeah, I was there. He played really well.”

Semi’s frown twisted deeper.

Tense silence lingered between them. Tendou was the one to break it. “Look, if you ended things with him because of something I said-”

“Don’t, Satori.”

Tendou swallowed back the rest of his words.

“I did it because it was the right thing to do.” Semi shoved his hands in his pockets. He was wearing that same leather jacket. “I was out with someone else when I should’ve been with him. He deserves better.”

Guilt rose in Tendou’s throat like bile. This was his fault. “I didn’t mean-”

“I said don’t. You told me it was my choice to make, and it was. It was mine, and I made it.”

“But I-”

“You didn’t do anything, okay?” Finally Semi looked at him, unflinching. “Yeah, part of it was because of you, but it was my problem, not yours. It wasn’t anything you did, just the way I thought about you. That wasn’t your fault.”

Tendou didn’t care what Semi said. He knew he was at least partially responsible for this. He hadn’t intended to drive a wedge between them, but-

“Don’t think so hard,” said Semi. “You’ll hurt yourself.”

That was such a Semi-typical thing to say that Tendou found himself smiling a little. “Sorry.”

“If you apologize one more time, I’ll kick your ass.”

Tendou almost did, just to prove that Semi wouldn’t follow through, but now didn’t seem like the time for teasing. 

“I need some air,” said Semi. “Want to step outside?”

“Oh, uh… sure.”

“I’ll text Ushijima that it’s safe to come back in. He’s out on the fancy ass balcony outside his room.” Semi pulled his phone out of his pocket and tapped at the screen as he moved toward the front door. Tendou followed, idly wondering if Semi had deleted his number the same way Tendou had deleted Semi’s. “He scared me for a minute. I’ve never seen him get frustrated like that.”

“Yeah,” agreed Tendou. “Me too.”

“He’s a great roommate, though. Has he ever cooked for you?”

Tendou thought back to the first time he’d been at Ushijima’s apartment, and the spread of takeout menus. “No. I didn’t think he cooked.”

“He doesn’t have time to go shopping, but if the stuff is here, he’ll make it. His gyudon is amazing. You should come over sometime and try it.” 

Tendou didn’t know what to say to that. He wasn’t sure how their conversation had progressed from awkward tension to Semi inviting him over for dinner. 

They slipped into their shoes and stepped outside. It was about eight o’clock, so the traffic in the busier parts of the city would still be heavy. Here, though, there was hardly any traffic at all. Tendou supposed that was a perk of living in one of the best neighborhoods in Tokyo. Semi leaned against the rail of the stairwell and lit a cigarette, the smoke trailing away on the wind.

“I thought you quit,” said Tendou.

Semi shrugged, flicking away a flutter of ash. “I started again.”

“That’s not good for you, Semi-Semi.”

“I’m not doing it because it’s good for me.” He took another drag, and exhaled a smoky breath. “It’s a stress reliever.” 

Tendou couldn’t help but think part of that stress was his fault, too.

Semi must have sensed the direction of his thoughts. “I swear if you apologize again I will throw you off of this fucking stairwell.”

Tendou slouched over to lean his elbows on the rail, hiding his grin. “Sure you will.”

They fell into silence again, but this time it wasn’t uncomfortable. Semi finished his cigarette and lit up another one. He offered the pack to Tendou, who declined. 

“You know,” said Semi after a few minutes, “I was going to call you, after it happened, but it was harder than I thought. I wasn’t ready.” He stared out at the city. Ushijima’s condo was on the seventh floor. It was a great view. “I’m still not ready.”

“That’s okay,” said Tendou. “I understand.”

“I don’t know how long it’ll take,” said Semi. He ground out his cigarette and flicked it over the edge of the stairwell. Normally Tendou would have made a comment about littering, but now wasn’t the time. “There’s so much I need to come to terms with, you know? It could be weeks, or months. Longer, maybe. I don’t expect you to wait for me.”

That was laughable. Tendou would have waited his entire life for Semi, and it would have been time well spent. Saying that didn’t seem appropriate, so he settled with, “Okay.”

“Don’t stop hanging out with Wakatoshi.” Semi reached for his cigarettes, seemed to think better of it, and tucked his hands in his pockets instead. “Not because of me. He likes having you around. He’s missed you, since high school.”

Tendou ignored the way that made him ache. “Yeah. I missed him, too.”

“If you want…” Semi trailed off. He chewed at his lip, as if weighing his words before he said them. “Maybe we could all go out sometime. With Wakatoshi and Reon and Hayato. If you feel weird about it that’s fine, but… We’re still friends, right?” The question was soft, uncertain.

Tendou didn’t think he could handle any more emotions. He’d reached his limit for the night. “Of course, Semi-Semi. We’ll always be friends.”

Semi smiled a little. “Good. You should get back to Wakatoshi. He’s been thinking about the Venezuelan team for the past week. I haven’t had time to watch their matches with him.”

“Do you have time now?” asked Tendou, before he could second guess himself. “We can watch it together. We were always good at coming up with strategies, back in the day.”

“Yeah, we were,” said Semi. He stared off in the distance, the city lights throwing a soft glow across his face and glinting in his hair. His features were different now than they’d been in high school, his jaw stronger, cheekbones more prominent. Still, he was just as beautiful as he’d been back then. More beautiful, maybe. “Sure, I have time for a match or two.”

When they went back inside, Ushijima gave them a look, but said nothing. They settled in to watch the match, and for the first time in a long time, Tendou felt like he was home.

  
  
  
  
  
The following weekend, Tendou went out to the same bar that he’d visited with Reon and Yamagata a while back. Ushijima was in Venezuela, so he couldn’t join them, but shortly after the three of them claimed a booth, Semi slipped through the crowd and plopped down beside Yamagata. 

Tendou didn’t get that anxious lurch in his gut that he’d developed over the past few months. He greeted him with a grin, and Semi smiled back.

It was a good night, with a distinct lack of awkwardness. Semi’s arrival had trapped Yamagata against the wall, and every time a pretty woman wandered by and he tried to get up, Semi refused to move. Reon had been out with his fiancée all day, visiting wedding venues and tasting cakes. Semi had just gotten off of a long shift, but the only indication was the way he rubbed at his eyes every few minutes. He was in a better mood than usual, laughing along with Yamagata’s jokes, sipping at a beer that had been delivered by a waitress so attractive that Yamagata had stuttered his order. 

It was normal, like they’d never been separated at all. If only Ushijima had been there, the night would have been complete. 

When a couple of hours had gone by, Semi got up to go to the bathroom. Yamagata was out of his seat immediately, going straight toward the group of women who’d been laughing across the bar for the past half hour. Tendou stood too, to stretch out his legs and give Reon some room. He dropped down on the opposite side, sprawling out more comfortably. That booth had not been created with a man of his height in mind.

Reon took the last drink of his beer – only his first, Tendou had never seen him drink more than one – and said, “You and Semi seem to be getting along now.”

Tendou remembered the last time they’d been there, when he’d made a not-so-graceful exit when Semi had arrived. “Yeah, we’re good. We made up, thanks to Wakatoshi.”

“It’s good to see,” said Reon. “He’s been more distant since he and Shirabu broke up. I think he only agreed to come out with us tonight because you were coming, too.”

Tendou didn’t read too far into that. “Oh yeah, I heard something about that. It’s too bad, huh?”

Reon raised a brow at him, as if he could see straight through Tendou’s feigned disappointment. He probably could. Reon had never been fooled by Tendou’s bullshit. 

Before he could respond, Semi returned. Tendou started to get up, but Semi simply nudged Tendou’s thigh with his knee and said, “Move over.”

Wordlessly, Tendou obeyed. The conversation resumed as if nothing was wrong, and Tendou supposed it wasn’t. He was just surprised that Semi was comfortable being that close to him when there were other options. 

Yamagata drifted over to tell them goodbye, because he’d found someone to leave with. Shortly after that, Reon decided it was getting late, and Semi and Tendou followed his example. They said their farewells to Reon at the door, and Semi leaned against the brick wall to light up a cigarette. Tendou zipped up his jacket against the cold and stood beside him, unbothered by the wafting smoke. He was worried that his company would be unwelcome, but Semi didn’t seem to mind.

“You going to Reon’s wedding?” said Semi, as a group of revelers passed by with a burst of laughter.

“He said something about it a while back, but I don’t think I’ve been officially invited.”

Semi snorted. “Don’t be stupid. We’re all going. Reon’s brother is his best man, but Wakatoshi is one of his groomsmen. He bought a new suit last week.”

“I’ve never even owned a suit.”

“You can rent some pretty nice ones for cheap,” said Semi with a shrug. “There’s a good place downtown. I can give you the details later if you want them. Just don’t go out and buy one, especially not the kind Wakatoshi got. That fucking suit is worth more than three of my paychecks.”

“He’s out there living the dream,” said Tendou, grinning. “I always knew he’d be rich and famous.”

“I guess.” Semi dropped his cigarette and ground it out beneath the heel of his boot. “His match is tomorrow. Think they’ll win?”

“Of course they will. We gave Wakatoshi our professional advice. There’s no way he could lose.”

“I hope so.” Semi mimicked Tendou and zipped up his jacket, popping the collar against the wind. “You can come over and watch it with me, if you want. Wakatoshi’s tv is way nicer than the shitty one at your place.”

Tendou slid a sideways glance at him. 

“I don’t mean it like that,” said Semi. “Just to watch the match.”

“Sure,” said Tendou. He was relieved that Semi had clarified. If he’d been left wondering, his anxiety would have made a mess of him by the following evening. “I can pick up food on my way over. I’ll go by that sushi place you like.”

Semi’s smile was dazzling. “Great.”

  
  
  
  
  
Tendou tried not to worry about watching the match with Semi. Their night out with Reon and Yamagata hadn’t been awkward at all. Nothing between them had been weird since Ushijima had forced them to talk to each other.

Still, they hadn’t been alone together for any long amount of time since then, either.

Tendou woke up the next morning thinking about Semi. He worked a midday shift, and when he wasn’t distracted by the store, he was thinking about Semi. He went home and changed into a pair of jeans and one of his least ragged t-shirts, called in the sushi order, and took a taxi across town, all while thinking about Semi.

For a while he’d gotten over it. He’d gone hours at a time without letting Semi cross his mind. But now that they’d talked, now that he knew Semi hadn’t just discarded him, things were different.

Semi answered the door of Ushijima’s apartment dressed in sweatpants and an old Shiratorizawa t-shirt. It was casual, as was the way he invited Tendou inside. They sat cross-legged on the couch and ate sushi as the match started, and after that, Tendou didn’t have the luxury of feeling awkward. He was too caught up in the game, his eyes darting back and forth with the ball as if he was really there instead of watching it from thousands of miles away.

“Nice save, Wakatoshi!” he said, bouncing in place as Ushijima dove to receive a particularly sharp spike. Ushijima was on his feet instantly, running toward the net, getting into position just in time for the setter to send the ball his way. No one on the opposing team had expected him to recover that quickly, and it sailed past the blockers untouched.

“Yes!” Tendou pumped a fist in the air. “That’s our boy! I’m so proud!”

Semi laughed, but he was on the edge of his seat, too. “He’s doing really well tonight. He always does, but I think he’s better than usual.”

“He can feel our supportive energy from all the way across the world,” said Tendou. “We’re the ones who are really winning this match. He’s just a pawn.”

Semi snorted. “That’s stupid.”

Tendou didn’t take that personally, because Semi was still smiling.

It was a close match. Even with Ushijima at his best, the Venezuelan team was amazing. Tendou held his breath all the way through the last set, flinching every time the ball hit the floor on Japan’s side of the court. 

The last point wasn’t scored by Ushijima. He made a strong run-up to the net, and Venezuela’s blockers flocked to him, prepared to jump. 

Instead of tossing the ball to Ushijima, the setter calmly dumped it over the net. 

Three people dove for it, but the reaction was too delayed. It bounced against the floor, and Tendou yelled.

“They did it!” He lunged across the couch, shaking Semi’s shoulder. “Semi-Semi, they won!”

“I know, I saw it. I’m sitting right here.” He slapped at Tendou’s hand, but the curve of his mouth was unmistakable. “That was a bold fucking dump shot. I don’t know if I would’ve had the balls.”

“Sure you would! You’re a great setter. Way better than that guy.”

Semi raised an eyebrow at him. “That guy is on the National Team.”

“My statement still stands.”

Semi rolled his eyes, but he seemed pleased all the same. 

Tendou settled back onto his side of the couch, eyes returning to the tv. Ushijima’s team was lining up to speak with the Venezuelan team; or at least shake their hands, since the language barrier would prevent them from actually speaking. Ushijima would at least be capable of saying “good game”. Tendou had looked up the translation for him the week before. Ushijima’s pronunciation wasn’t perfect, but it would get the point across.

That was another reason, among many, that Ushijima would make a great captain for that team someday.

“Hey, Semi-Semi?”

“Hmm?”

“Did you play when you were in university?”

Semi reclined against the couch, stretching his legs out. “During my first year. I quit after that.”

“Why?”

Semi’s glance was sharp. “Why didn’t you play at all?”

Tendou wished he could take the questions back. This wasn’t the way he’d wanted this conversation to go. “I just didn’t want to.”

“You love volleyball.”

“Yeah. Doesn’t mean I wanted to keep playing.”

Semi was unconvinced. “You know you would’ve done great on a university team.”

“Maybe, maybe not.” Tendou shrugged. “I don’t get along with people very well, you know. It’s hard finding teammates who will put up with me. After playing with you guys, I knew I’d never find a better team. Best to quit while I was ahead, you know?”

“No, I don’t know. That’s stupid, Satori.”

The insult didn’t bother Tendou. He couldn’t even argue Semi’s point. “Why’d you quit playing?”

“I didn’t technically quit. I’m still on the community team with Reon.”

“You know what I mean.”

Semi huffed. “It wasn’t a good fit for me. I had a hard time keeping up with everything. My grades started slipping, and I wasn’t doing so great on the team anyway, so I quit to focus on school. Clearly that went well.”

“Sorry.”

“Nothing to be sorry about. It’s over now.” He stood, stretching his arms overhead. “I’m going to grab a beer out of the fridge. Want one?”

Tendou did, but he thought it was best that he leave. “Nah, I should head home. Thanks, though.” He peeled himself off of the couch and mirrored Semi’s stretch.

“You don’t have to,” said Semi. “You can stay over, if you want. Ushijima’s couch is more comfortable than any bed I’ve ever owned.”

“Thanks,” said Tendou, “but I should go. I had fun watching the match, though. We should take Wakatoshi out to celebrate when he gets back.”

“Yeah, sure.”

Tendou spared one final glance at the tv. The focus had shifted to the crowd. Most of them were disappointed that their team had lost, but one distinct section was excitable for Japan’s victory.

“Hey, Satori?”

He turned to find Semi watching him from across the room. “Yeah?”

“Why’d you disappear after high school?”

If Tendou hadn’t wanted to engage in the previous conversation, he definitely didn’t want to have this one. “Why’re you asking?”

“Because I can’t figure it out. I couldn’t back then, and I can’t now.” Semi folded his arms. “For a long time I thought it was just me. My calls wouldn’t go through and I thought you’d blocked my number or something. Then Reon said he couldn’t get you, either, and I realized it was all of us.” 

Tendou wondered if he could just calmly walk out of the apartment and avoid this. 

He had a feeling it wouldn’t be that easy.

“So then,” continued Semi, “I thought maybe you just didn’t want to be friends with us. Maybe you’d been faking it through high school just so we’d all get along, but secretly you hated us. Because why else would you pretend we didn’t exist? Friends don’t do that.”

Tendou sighed. “It wasn’t like that.”

“Then what was it like?” asked Semi. He’d been composed up to that point, but now his voice went sharp. 

“I don’t want to talk about this.”

“Well I do,” said Semi. “I need to know, Satori. It’s important to me.”

Tendou could have disputed any argument except for that one. “You won’t like it.”

“I didn’t like being ignored for five years, either. I don’t think hearing your excuse will make me any more bitter about that.”

Tendou winced. He didn’t know how their calm, companionable evening had turned into this. It was like an ambush, and he would have felt betrayed if he’d actually believed Semi had planned out this conversation in advance. He didn’t think Semi had meant to ask. Tendou had started it, prying into Semi’s college years, dredging up the past. 

“It seemed like the best thing to do, at the time,” said Tendou. He didn’t want to talk about it, but he couldn’t deny that Semi deserved to know. “I was going off to a different university than the rest of you, so I knew I wouldn’t see you guys again. It seemed easier than just drifting apart.”

Semi squinted at him. “How is cutting all of your friends out of your life easier?”

Tendou moved to push a hand through his hair, realized he would tear down the spikes, and dropped his arm to his side again. “It’s complicated.”

“I might be a college dropout, but I think I can keep up.”

Tendou couldn’t come up with a good, tactful way to address it, so he resorted to awkward honesty. “I didn’t want to bother any of you. You were stuck with me when we were on the same team, so you all had to be nice to me. There wasn’t an option. It was easier for everyone to be friends.” He took a breath, held it, and continued. “I thought that was the only reason you guys put up with me. Because it was better for the team. I wasn’t pretending to like any of you. I thought it was the other way around. I thought all of you were just pretending to be my friends so we’d be a better team.”

Semi’s mouth was slightly open, creases cutting across his brow. “What?”

“So when you didn’t have to pretend anymore, I thought you’d all tell me how you really felt, since there was no reason to keep being nice.” Tendou glanced toward the tv screen again. The broadcast had given way to a commercial for a local department store. “Or you’d keep pretending, to spare my feelings, and that was even worse. I didn’t want to annoy anyone and I didn’t want to get hurt, so I just changed my number and moved on.”

“What the fuck, Satori.”

Tendou shrugged. “It seemed reasonable at the time.”

“It seemed reasonable,” repeated Semi. He stalked across the room, his glare moving closer and closer. “What was reasonable about it? We were fucking worried about you. _I_ was fucking worried about you. When I found out you weren’t talking to anyone else I thought you’d died or something. I went to your house to ask your mom if you were still alive.”

Tendou hadn’t known that. His mother had never told him.

“You ran away from us because you thought we didn’t like you?” snapped Semi. He grabbed a handful of Tendou’s shirt and shook him. “Why the fuck did you think that? Was it because we always asked you to hang out with us? Or because we sat with you at the lunch table every day? Or because I invited you over to my house every other weekend to sleep over? I can see how you’d get that idea. We were fucking terrible to you.”

Tendou couldn’t look directly at him. He focused on a point somewhere to the left of Semi’s shoulder. “I thought you were just being nice because you felt sorry for me. I didn’t want your pity anymore.”

Semi’s grip tightened, wrinkling Tendou’s t-shirt, before slipping away completely. “You thought we felt sorry for you,” he repeated.

Tendou shrugged again. “I’d never really had friends before. That seemed logical to me.”

Semi looked like he was thinking about punching him. Tendou wouldn’t have minded. He deserved it. “You fucking idiot.”

“Yeah, I know,” said Tendou quietly.

“Why didn’t you say something?”

“I didn’t want everyone to think-”

“I’m not talking about everyone,” said Semi, cutting him short. “I’m talking about me. Why didn’t you say something to _me_?”

Tendou tried to step back, to put some distance between them, but there was a wall directly behind him. “What was I supposed to say? ‘Oh, by the way, I think you’re just pretending to be my friend. You probably hate me like everyone else does.’ That would’ve been a normal conversation.”

“It would’ve been better than you sitting around thinking that!” Semi shoved a hand through his hair, setting it to disarray. He huffed a breath and said, a little calmer, “Do you really think I would’ve judged you for saying something like that? For _thinking_ something like that? We were friends, Satori. You were my best friend. When I lost you it fucking hurt.”

“I’m sorry, Eita.” Tendou’s voice was so low that it was almost a whisper. 

“Fuck you.” It was said without heat, without venom. “Shit. Now I wish I hadn’t asked.”

Tendou said nothing. He didn’t think another apology would make anything better. 

Semi breathed a sigh. He squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head, slowly. “I’m sorry.”

Tendou blinked. “Huh?”

“I should’ve known it was something stupid like that,” said Semi. “I was sitting around thinking you didn’t like us, but I should’ve known better. You’ve always spent too much time in your head. I’m sorry I didn’t track you down and slap some sense into you.”

“That’s the dumbest apology I’ve ever heard.”

“No dumber than you abandoning your friends because you thought we were just being fake.”

Tendou couldn’t argue with that.

“Listen to me.” Semi’s stare was hard. “I don’t care what’s going on in your head. I know it’s a crazy fucking place in there. But you have to know we’re really your friends, all of us. We were back then, and we are now, and we always will be. Me, especially. It doesn’t matter what happened with us, or what might happen later. We’re friends first, alright? Don’t you ever disappear like that again.” Tendou swallowed. His throat was tight, but he wasn’t about to let himself cry in front of Semi. “Sure.”

Semi placed a hand on Tendou’s shoulder and squeezed, gently. “Okay. Don’t fucking forget it.”

Tendou wanted to put his hand over Semi’s, to hold it there, but he kept his arms at his sides until Semi stepped away.

“We’ll go out next weekend,” said Semi, “with Wakatoshi.”

Tendou nodded. 

“Text me when you get home, alright?” said Semi. “So I’ll know you made it.”

Tendou swallowed again, harder. “Sure, Semi-Semi. If I don’t get kidnapped on the way there, I’ll text you.” He slipped out of the room toward the front door, pausing only long enough to pull on his shoes and his jacket. When he stepped outside, he didn’t immediately descend the stairwell. He leaned on the rail for a while, the wind pulling at his hair, his mind a buzz of twisting thoughts, both old and new.

Tendou had been wrong before, when he’d tried to convince himself he didn’t need Semi. He did need him, and badly. Not in the way he’d been thinking, with romantic or sexual connotations. He could live without that, if he had to.

He needed Semi as his friend though, and if he lost him again, Tendou wasn’t sure if he’d survive it.


	6. Chapter 6

They went out the following weekend as planned, with Ushijima in tow. Tendou had assumed they would go get dinner, or pile up in Ushijima’s condo and rewatch the Japan vs. Venezuela match.

Instead they ended up at the local university’s championship game, with Tendou cheering for Goshiki more loudly than he’d ever cheered for anyone.

“That’s my kouhai!” he shouted, hands cupped around his mouth. “Look at that spike! I taught him everything he knows!”

Semi jabbed an elbow into his ribs to shut him up, but he was smiling. He was proud of Goshiki too, even if he wasn’t yelling along with Tendou.

Tendou had thought this might be awkward, considering Shirabu was on the team, but Semi had shown no signs of discomfort. He seemed perfectly at ease, clapping every time the team scored a point, muttering criticisms of the opposing players into Tendou’s ear. It felt like they were back at high school nationals again, sitting on the sidelines and trash talking the other teams. Tendou hadn’t realized how much he’d missed that.

Goshiki launched into the air for a cross spike, and Tendou slapped Ushijima’s shoulder to get his attention. It was like slapping a brick. “Wakatoshi, did you see that? His angle was just like your cross! Looks like little Tsutomu picked up a few things from you after all.”

Ushijima grunted. “He is doing quite well. He has improved since last year.”

“Look at their libero, fumbling the ball like he’s never been on a real court before,” said Semi, gesturing to the opposing team. “How’d he get a spot on the starting roster? Just throw a reserve player out there, it’s not like they could be any worse.”

Tendou grinned. “I like when you’re bitter, Semi-Semi. It makes my heart sing.”

Semi rolled his eyes, but his response was drowned out by a deafening cheer as one of Goshiki’s teammates scored another point.

Their team was good - really good - but the opposing one was too, no matter what Semi said about their libero. That was to be expected of the championship match, but still Tendou gripped the edge of his seat every time a point went up on the wrong side of the scoreboard.

Goshiki’s team won the first two sets, lost the third, and got caught in a gridlock point exchange during the fourth. Every time they got a point through, the other team took one right back. The rallies were getting longer, the players were getting tired, and Tendou thought he would jitter out of his own skin.

“They just need one more point!” shouted Tendou, although the commentary was unnecessary. He tugged at Semi’s sleeve, eyes never straying from the court. “I think they’re gonna do it. I think they’re gonna win.”

Semi didn’t shake him off. “They’d better fucking win.”

The woman sitting in front of them turned around with a disapproving glare. It wasn’t the first time she’d looked back at them. Semi didn’t seem to care enough to filter his bad language.

The opposing team served, and the libero picked up the ball easily. It arced neatly to Shirabu, who waited by the net with his hands raised. He was more composed than he’d been in high school. His temper had only slipped out a couple of times during the four sets, and he’d reigned it in quickly.

Goshiki started from the back of the court and took a powerful run-up toward the net. His thighs flexed as he leaped, his form perfect, waiting for a quick toss.

It never came. Shirabu jumped up and calmly dumped the ball across the net.

The other team scrambled for it, but it was too late. They’d been watching the spikers, not the setter. The ball thumped against the court, and the crowd _screamed_.

“Wow,” said Tendou, his voice nearly drowned out by the cheers. “That was a bold move. I’m impressed.”

He only realized after he said it that maybe he shouldn’t talk about Shirabu with Semi. He glanced over, uncertain, but Semi didn’t appear offended. He nodded, eyes still on the court. “Yeah, he’s good,” said Semi. “He’s better every time I see him.”

There was a fondness in his voice that was unmistakable, and Tendou wasn’t sure how to feel about it. 

The crowd began filtering out of the gym, and the three of them hung back until most of their section was empty. They made their way to the court, where the players had spread out to talk to their friends, family, and fans. Goshiki was nearby, and Tendou went straight for him.

“Tsutomu!” he said, wrapping an arm around Goshiki’s sweaty shoulders. “My little kouhai grew up so fast. Look at you, leading your team to victory just like a real ace.”

“You came to my match!” shouted Goshiki, vibrating with excitement. “Tendou-senpai, did you see my cross in the third set?”

Tendou grinned. Goshiki’s enthusiasm had always been contagious. “Of course I did! It was just as good as your super-straights. Even Wakatoshi said it was a good one, didn’t you, Waka?”

Ushijima nodded. “You have developed very strong form.”

Goshiki blinked at him, shocked, but when he smiled again, it lit up his whole face. “Thank you, Ushijima-senpai!”

Tendou stayed with him for a few minutes, listening to an endless verbal replay of Goshiki’s best moments. When Goshiki’s mother approached, her smile identical to her son’s, Tendou peeled himself away. “Hello, Goshiki-san! We’ll go out soon, alright, Tsutomu? No alcohol. I’ll get you ice cream or something.”

“Yes! Thank you, Tendou-senpai!”

Tendou gave him a final grin and turned to find Semi, who’d been strangely quiet. He understood why when he glimpsed him a few paces away, engaged in conversation with Shirabu. Semi was wearing that half-smile of his, and though Shirabu’s face was neutral, as usual, he somehow seemed pleased.

But maybe that was just Tendou’s imagination.

Semi gripped Shirabu’s shoulder, said something to him that Tendou couldn’t hear amid the buzz of the crowd, and broke away to congratulate Goshiki instead. Goshiki’s mother patted Semi’s head fondly, as if he wasn’t 30 centimeters taller than she was. They’d become familiar with each other’s parents during their high school years. Goshiki’s mother had always been particularly accommodating. 

Ushijima was still standing with them, nodding at something Goshiki-san said, and Tendou considered waiting for the pair of them outside. Before he moved that direction, he realized Shirabu was watching him.

Tendou still thought he should turn around and walk off. That might be for the best. But Shirabu had been his kouhai too, no matter what had happened between him and Semi.

Tendou strolled up to him, trying to keep his smile as genuine as possible. “Good game, Kenjirou-kun! What a way to end your university career.”

“Thank you,” said Shirabu, his tone as polite and detached as ever. 

“That dump shot at the end was a bold play,” said Tendou. “It was just like the one from Ushijima’s setter last week, during the Venezuela game.”

“I know. I saw it.”

Of course he did. There was no doubt he’d been keeping up with Ushijima’s games, too. 

“Right.” Tendou glanced off to the side, awkwardly. Semi and Ushijima were still talking to the Goshikis. “You wanting to play for the national team after this?”

“I would like to, but I doubt I’m good enough.”

“Sure you are!”

“Don’t patronize me, Tendou-san.”

“C’mon, Kenjirou-kun.” Tendou propped an elbow on his shoulder, trying to regain the casual climate they’d shared in high school. It was best to act like nothing had happened with Semi. Shirabu probably didn’t know Tendou had been involved at all. “Don’t sell yourself short. You were a strong player out there and you know it. If you wanna do it, then do it. You won’t lose anything by trying.”

Shirabu’s eyebrows pulled together, just barely. He looked toward Ushijima, or Semi. Tendou couldn’t tell which. At least, not until he spoke. “Are you together yet?”

Tendou’s arm slipped off Shirabu’s shoulder. “What?”

Shirabu’s stare was flat. “You heard me.”

Tendou didn’t know what to say, because he didn’t know what Semi had told him. Was their hookup supposed to be a secret? Did Shirabu even know Semi had stayed over at Tendou’s place? “Uh… no, we’re not together.”

“Why?”

Tendou tried not to wince. This was not a comfortable conversation. “We’re just not.”

Shirabu was unimpressed by that answer. “I know you want to be. You always have, even when we were in school. He was stupid not to see it.”

“You don’t… I mean, I-”

“He wanted to be with you too,” said Shirabu. He looked at Semi again. “It was pitiful, watching the two of you tiptoeing around each other. You’re both idiots.”

Tendou felt so awkward that he couldn’t even take offense to that.

“Even when he asked me out, I knew I wasn’t his first choice.” Shirabu didn’t sound angry, or sad. There was no emotion in his voice at all. “That was always you.”

Tendou couldn’t stop the wince this time, the guilt throbbing in his skull like a migraine. “I didn’t even know you guys broke up until a couple weeks ago. We hadn’t talked for a while. I wasn’t trying to-”

“It doesn’t matter.” Shirabu talked over him. “It’s done. I knew it would happen eventually, if you ever came back around.” Shirabu gave him a look, long and hard, cold emotion shining behind his eyes. “Take care of him.” He turned on his heel and approached one of his fellow teammates, who’d stepped aside to get some water. 

Tendou stared after him. He hadn’t expected Shirabu to even mention Semi to him. He would have never imagined their conversation going like that.

“Satori. Are you ready to leave?”

Ushijima’s voice cut through his stupor, and Tendou turned with a forced smile. 

“Sure!” said Tendou. “I’m right behind you.”

Ushijima nodded and threaded his way through the crowd. He was a good person to follow; his size made most people move aside. Semi drew even with Tendou as they made their way to the door. 

“Everything okay?” asked Semi.

“Of course. Everything’s great.”

Semi didn’t seem convinced, but he let it go. 

The university was a twenty minute walk from Ushijima’s apartment, but Tendou would have to catch a bus back to his side of the city. Ushijima offered to let him stay for the night, but Tendou declined. He and Semi were friends now, but he thought spending the night in the same apartment would still be awkward.

“I’ll see you later, then,” said Ushijima, nodding in farewell. He stepped away from them to start down the sidewalk, slowly, so Semi could catch up.

“Text me when you get home, alright?” said Semi.

“Sure, Semi-Semi. When I set foot in my apartment, you’ll be the first to know.” Tendou turned to go, but Semi’s voice pulled him back.

“Hey, Satori?”

“Yeah?”

Semi shifted his weight to one foot and then the other, the perpetual crease between his brows sharp. “Do you want to get dinner sometime next week?”

“Yeah, sure. I’ll check my work schedule.”

Semi’s frown deepened. “But… not just getting dinner like usual.”

“Okay…? You want to go somewhere different?”

Semi huffed a breath. When he looked up at Tendou, his face was dusted with color. “I’m trying to ask you on a date. If you don’t want to, it’s fine. We can still go as friends.”

Tendou’s heart jumped into his throat. His eyes went wide, surprise sending a static tingle to his fingertips. “Are you sure?”

Semi rolled his eyes, but he seemed more nervous than annoyed. “Of course I’m sure. I wouldn’t ask you if I wasn’t.” He stuffed his hands in his pockets. “I know some shit has happened with us, so if you don’t want to, I won’t be mad. I won’t make it weird either, we can still hang out.”

The thought of Tendou refusing was ridiculous. Tendou felt the urge to tease him about it, but Semi was so serious that Tendou kept those comments to himself.

“I’d love to go out with you, Eita.” 

Some of Semi’s tension eased. He expelled a breath and said, “Cool. Good.” He seemed relieved, like he’d actually entertained the possibility of Tendou saying no.

“I’ll check my work shifts when I get home,” said Tendou, “and we’ll pick a day.” 

Semi nodded. “Sure. Whenever you want.”

“Hey, Semi-Semi?”

“Yeah?”

Tendou bumped his shoulder against Semi’s. “Stop acting like you’ve never been on a date before.”

Semi scowled and shoved against him with an elbow. “Well I haven’t, with you.”

“It’s just like any other date.”

“No, it’s not.”

Warmth swelled in Tendou’s chest. He wanted to insist that they have the date right now, because waiting until next week seemed like torture. He gave Semi a lingering grin and said, “We’ll see. Be safe on your way back. Don’t let the muggers get you.”

Semi rolled his eyes. “As if anyone would be stupid enough to jump Wakatoshi.”

“Doesn’t look like you’ll be walking with Wakatoshi. He went off without you.”

Semi looked back and realized Ushijima was so far down the sidewalk that he was barely visible amid the pedestrian traffic. If he hadn’t been so tall, it would have been impossible to pick him out. “Shit. I need to catch up with him. See you later, Satori.”

“Bye, Semi-Semi.”

Semi turned and jogged toward Ushijima, deftly dodging the people in his way. Tendou watched him go, but only for a moment. He knew if he didn’t move quickly, he would miss the next bus. 

The ride home was stifling from the number of people packed onto the bus, and the walk from the corner to his apartment was colder than he would have liked. Still, when he climbed the stairs and sent Semi a text as he entered his apartment, the warmth in his chest remained.

  
  
  
  
  
Tendou had thought Semi’s nervousness about asking him out had been amusing, but he changed his mind the following week, on the day of their date. He’d thought about nothing else since the moment he’d woken up, all through his classes, and during his short shift at the store. Now, as he approached the restaurant he and Semi had agreed on, he thought the anxiety would eat him alive.

He shouldn’t be nervous. This was just Semi. They’d known each other for years.

But that was the problem. Semi was the only person with the ability to make him this nervous.

“Hey, Satori.”

Tendou nearly jumped out of his skin. He whirled to find Semi behind him, eyeing his reaction with a raised brow. “Oh! Semi-Semi. Didn’t see you there.”

“I just walked up. Ready to go inside?”

“Sure, after you.”

Semi gave him another look, but stepped past to enter the restaurant. It was a nice place, but not to excess. Going somewhere fancy would have been awkward for both of them.

The host seated them at a booth and they sat on opposite sides of the table. Tendou knew he was fidgeting, but he couldn’t stop.

“How’d your exam go?” said Semi as he flipped open his menu.

“My what?”

Semi glanced up at him. “Your exam. Economics or something?”

“Oh. Right.” Tendou had barely given the exam a thought, even when he’d taken it that morning. “It was fine, I guess. There’s only a seventy-thirty chance I failed.” He looked at his own menu, though it was hard to focus on the words.

“Wait. You think there’s a seventy percent chance you failed it? How is that fine?”

Tendou shrugged. “When I took the class last year it was a one hundred percent chance. I’m improving.”

“You failed the class?”

Tendou hummed and pretended to scan the menu. “Not the first one I’ve failed.”

“You’re smart, though.”

Tendou glanced up at him. Semi’s mouth was turned down at one side, as if he was trying to puzzle through the source of Tendou’s failure.

“You give me too much credit.”

“No, I don’t. You never failed anything in high school.”

“High school was easy.” Tendou flipped a page. “University is too much effort. I’ve failed a few classes. That’s part of why it’s taking me an extra year to graduate. I’ve switched my major about four times too, so that hasn’t helped.”

“What did you decide on?”

“Business,” said Tendou with a wry grin. “The most boring option.”

“When we were in school you wanted to be an artist.”

“I was a kid.” Tendou ran out of pages to flip. He propped his chin in his hand and smiled at Semi. “I didn’t understand how unrealistic that was.”

“It’s not unrealistic.” Semi frowned. “I think you could’ve done it. You could still do it.”

“That’s interesting. I didn’t know you’d switched parties and become an optimist.”

Semi scowled, and he likely would have snapped a reply if their waitress hadn’t wandered over. He must have given the menu more attention than Tendou, because he ordered without issue. Tendou hadn’t absorbed a single word from the laminated pages, so he just asked for the same thing as Semi. The waitress whisked away, and Semi said, as if they hadn’t been interrupted, “I just think you should do what makes you happy. That’s all.”

“Living in a better apartment will make me happy. If I have to get a boring business job to do that, I’ll survive.”

Semi sighed, but didn’t argue. He asked about Tendou’s job instead, Tendou countered by asking about Semi’s, and the conversation became less strained from there. It should have been just like any other outing they’d been on. Technically, nothing had changed. Nothing, except for the heart-fluttering knowledge that this was a _date_.

“You sure you’re okay?” said Semi. It wasn’t the first time he’d asked. “You’re being kind of weird.”

“I’m always kind of weird.” Tendou bared his teeth in a grin. “I thought you knew that.”

“You know what I mean.” Semi had almost cleared his plate by then, but Tendou had barely made a dent in his. 

Semi scrutinized him from across the table, eyes narrow. He looked the same way he had when Tendou had first seen him again, during their dinner with their teammates. He’d folded his leather jacket beside him on the booth, and the shirt he wore beneath was a v-neck, just low enough to show his collarbones. Every time he turned his head, the light caught the row of silver studs along the shell of his ear. He’d put on a touch of eyeliner too, just enough to make his eyes even darker. 

Just the sight of him made Tendou’s pulse kick faster.

“Do you regret agreeing to the date?” asked Semi, his voice dropping. “It doesn’t have to be one, if you’ve changed your mind.”

Tendou was still baffled that Semi could think Tendou wouldn’t want to date him.

“Of course I want it to be a date,” said Tendou, idly pushing some rice around his plate. “I’m just… nervous, I guess.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. Why were you nervous when you asked me out?”

Semi frowned. “Because I thought you would say no.”

Tendou put his chopsticks aside and propped his elbows on the table. “You’re too smart to think that. Why would I possibly say no?”

“Because of all the shit that happened with Kenjirou.” Semi folded his arms and sat back against the padded booth. “And because I didn’t tell you about any of it, or even talk to you after it happened. And a few weeks ago I said I wasn’t ready. I thought since I took so long, you might’ve changed your mind about me.”

“I’ll never change my mind about you, Eita.”

The raw honesty of that should have embarrassed Tendou, but it didn’t. His feelings for Semi were one thing he’d never be ashamed of.

Semi’s brow creased more deeply. His stare burned into Tendou, but not for long. Semi rose from his seat, and for one terrible, gut-wrenching second, Tendou thought he’d said something wrong and Semi would leave. Instead, Semi dropped onto Tendou’s side of the booth, scooting close.

“It’s just us,” said Semi. He didn’t have to talk loudly at all, now that there was barely a breath of space between them. “It’s stupid for either of us to be nervous.” He took Tendou’s chopsticks and scooped a bite off of his plate. “And if you’re not eating this chicken, I’ll eat it for you.”

Tendou grinned and leaned into him, his anxiety draining away. “Take all you want. You’ve gotta keep your strength up for your new community team.”

“You could play with us, you know,” said Semi. 

“Thanks, but I’ll pass.” Tendou propped his chin in his hand and watched Semi eat. “I don’t have the time for it right now.”

“Maybe some other time, then.” He offered a bite to Tendou, who took it after a slight hesitation. “We’d be a lot better with a blocker like you.”

Tendou’s face felt a little warm, and he changed the subject with less tact than he would have liked. Judging from the smile on Semi’s face, he noticed.

  
  
  
  
  
They left a short time later, and Tendou was only disappointed that dinner hadn’t lasted longer.

“You can pick next time,” said Semi. He shrugged on his jacket as they stepped outside. “Something you like better.”

“I liked it okay. I just wasn’t that hungry.”

“You’re never hungry. Some day you’ll just wither away and die.”

Tendou grinned. “You can’t get rid of me that easily.”

Semi shook his head. They lingered outside the restaurant, awkward tension blooming between them. Tendou didn’t know what he was supposed to do now. This felt like it should be the end of the date, but he wasn’t sure.

“I would invite you over,” said Semi, “but I don’t put out on the first date.”

Tendou laughed, relief making him feel lighter. “I respect that. Your purity is safe.”

“Do you want to go out again sometime?”

“The sooner the better.”

Semi gave him a half smile, shifted like he was about to walk away, then said, “Hey, come here.” He curled a hand around the back of Tendou’s neck and pulled him down. The kiss was chaste, a firm, lingering press of Semi’s lips. Tendou found himself unable to breathe, even when Semi pulled away. 

“I’ll call you tomorrow, alright?”

“Okay,” said Tendou.

“Text me when you get home.”

“You too.”

“Bye, Satori.”

“Bye, Eita.”

They turned away from each other at the same time, branching in opposite directions on the sidewalk. When he’d made it about a dozen paces, Tendou looked back. Semi had done the same, and their eyes met, briefly, before the crowd pushed them farther apart.

Tendou felt more like he was floating than walking as he returned to his apartment. Much like the beginning of his day, he couldn’t stop thinking about Semi. Now, though, his thoughts were without the gray jitter of nerves that had plagued him all morning. When he thought of Semi now it was with warmth, and with the keen desire to see him again.

  
  
  
  
  
Unfortunately, that chance didn’t come for two solid weeks. A big project came up at Semi’s office and he was forced into long hours of overtime. Tendou was disappointed, but he tried to convince himself it was for the best. He’d fallen behind on his homework again, so he used the extra time in his schedule to try and catch up. When he got bored of that, he called Ushijima and spent time with him, instead.

The days dragged on. Semi texted him often, even when he was working, but it wasn’t the same as seeing him. He wanted to hear his voice, to watch the way Semi’s eyebrows rose with fond skepticism every time Tendou said something weird. 

Five years hadn’t been as hard as those two weeks.

Finally, Semi got his first early night off. He called Tendou as he left work, suggesting they go out since he was finally free. Tendou wanted to, but he could hear the ragged edges of exhaustion pulling at Semi’s voice. Semi was too tired to go out, whether he would admit it or not.

Tendou made an alternate suggestion, and an hour later found himself on Ushijima’s couch, a movie of Semi’s choice playing on the flat screen. He’d picked up takeout on the way over, for the two of them as well as Ushijima. 

“Thank you for the meal,” said Ushijima, as he popped open his takeout box. “I will pay you back.” He was on one end of the couch. Semi was on the other, with Tendou trapped between them. It wasn’t the ideal situation for a second date, but Tendou didn’t mind. He’d just wanted to spend time with Semi. Ushijima’s company wasn’t unwanted. It wasn’t as if he and Semi had planned to make out on the couch.

He slid a sideways glance toward Semi, who dug into his food with avarice. 

If Semi had wanted to make out, though, Tendou wouldn’t have said no.

“Don’t worry about it, Waka,” said Tendou, returning his attention to the screen. “It’s on me. I got my paycheck yesterday.”

Ushijima frowned down at his food, but didn’t say anything. He was probably thinking that Tendou made significantly less money than he did, but he was too polite to point it out. 

“Hey, hand me my drink,” said Semi, gesturing toward the coffee table in front of them.

“It’s literally right there, Semi-Semi.”

“Yeah, but I’ll have to move.” He was bundled up comfortably, legs curled beneath him. “Your arms are longer, you can just reach over and get it.”

Tendou sighed, feigning exasperation, but snatched up the drink and passed it over. Semi smiled, and it would have been worth going down to the corner store and buying a new drink just to see that smile.

“What is this movie about?” asked Ushijima. He leaned forward and grabbed his own drink. “There’s a lot of fighting.”

“It’s about the samurai.” Semi gestured with his chopsticks as he spoke. “It’s a modern take, but it’s based on real history. I thought you’d like it, since you’re into that kind of stuff.”

Ushijima hummed to himself and said nothing else. 

Tendou finished picking at his food and put it aside. Semi gave him a look, but didn’t comment. He didn’t have to. Tendou knew exactly what he was thinking. 

Tendou grinned as he settled back, arranging his long limbs so his knee nudged against Semi’s thigh. 

They sat like that for a while, in companionable peace. Ushijima was intent on the movie, his attention unwavering. When Tendou glanced to his left about halfway through the film, he realized Semi had fallen asleep. 

He’d readjusted, with his knees hugged against his chest and his head lolling sideways onto the back of the couch. When his face was slack, devoid of a scowl, he looked a lot like the Semi that Tendou had met back in high school. Tendou watched him sleep for a few minutes, realized that might be weird, and refocused on the movie.

When it ended a while later, Ushijima checked the time and stood. “I am going to bed. I have practice in the morning. You are welcome to stay over, if you’d like.”

He always offered, but Tendou always declined. “Thanks, but I’ll probably head out in a few.”

Ushijima nodded toward Semi. “Should I wake him?”

“Nah, I’ve got it,” said Tendou. “Night, Waka.”

“Goodnight.” 

Ushijima paced down the hallway that led to his bedroom, steps muted by the carpet. Tendou waited until he was gone before turning toward Semi, and was surprised to find a pair of dark eyes watching him.

“Oh,” said Tendou. “You’re awake.”

“You should’ve woken me up sooner.” Semi jammed his toes into Tendou’s thigh. “I wanted to spend time with you, not sleep.”

“You’ve worked too much lately. You needed it.”

“What I needed was to see you.” Semi uncurled, stretching so hard that his bones popped. “I’ve missed you.”

Tendou’s heartbeat fluttered. “I’ve missed you, too.”

“Is that kind of dumb?” asked Semi. “We went years without seeing each other, but waiting the last two weeks was fucking terrible.”

“No, it’s not dumb. I feel the same way.” He curled a hand around Semi’s ankle lightly, just to touch him. “I like seeing you.”

“Are you really leaving?”

“Yeah,” said Tendou. 

“Why? Tomorrow is Sunday. You don’t have class.”

“I still don’t think I should stay over. It’s easier to go back home.”

Semi frowned as if he disagreed, but he didn’t argue. “Stay a little longer, then. Now that I’m actually awake.”

“Sure.” Tendou would have probably agreed to anything Semi asked of him. “Whatever you want.”

Semi pulled his legs back and shifted forward, pushing against Tendou’s shoulder. It took Tendou a few seconds too long to realize what he wanted, but when he did, he laid back against the couch. Semi stretched out beside him, pressing close to keep from falling off the edge. He slipped a leg between Tendou’s and flung an arm over his waist. When he settled in, his head was on Tendou’s shoulder, hair tickling Tendou’s jaw. He was warm. Tendou felt his face going red, but he didn’t think that was because of the heat.

“Sure you don’t want to stay?” mumbled Semi. “I think I could sleep better like this.”

Slowly, Tendou curled an arm around Semi’s shoulders, holding him close. “You’re giving me second thoughts.”

Semi huffed a laugh. “That’s what I was hoping for.”

“Is your work project finished, then?” asked Tendou. “Are you a free man, now?”

“That depends.”

“On what?”

Semi’s fingers moved against Tendou’s ribs, stroking lightly. “I’m free from them. I don’t want to be completely free, though.”

“So… you’re picking up another project?”

“If that’s what you want to call it.” There was humor in Semi’s voice, humor that Tendou didn’t understand. Semi pushed himself up on his elbows to stare down at him. “I won’t have any more work projects for a while, just normal stuff. I don’t want to be a free man, though. Free men are single. And I…” He glanced away, though he was still entwined with Tendou. “I only want to be with you. The last two weeks proved it. You’re all I thought about. I probably would’ve finished the damn project a lot sooner if I hadn’t been sneaking away from my desk to text you every fifteen minutes.”

“That wasn’t very responsible,” murmured Tendou. He reached up to tuck a stray piece of hair behind Semi’s ear. His fingertips brushed against metal. 

“But if you don’t want to be exclusive-”

“Shut up, Eita.”

Semi’s face cracked into a smile. “Okay. But seriously, if you don’t want to call it official, or if you want to wait, just tell me. I’m not trying to push you into anything. It hasn’t been very long, I just… I just want you around.”

When they’d been in high school, Tendou had spent many sleepless nights imagining how he would say similar things to Semi, if he ever worked up the nerve. Not once had he imagined that one day Semi would be saying these things to him instead.

It didn’t matter what had gone on with Semi and Shirabu. Nothing that had happened over the past five years mattered. All Tendou cared about was this, what he had right now, and what he planned to keep.

He smiled and said, “Are you asking me to be your boyfriend, Semi-Semi?”

Semi scowled, but it was half-hearted. “Obviously.”

“After only one date, too,” Tendou teased. “What happened to the virtuous Semi who doesn’t put out easily?”

“If you say yes,” said Semi, “I’ll put out whatever you want tonight.”

If Tendou had been warm before, he was on fire now. 

“You don’t have to-”

“I know,” said Semi. “I want to. I wanted to when we went out to dinner, I just… It didn’t feel like the right time.” His eyes were piercing, any vestiges of sleep gone. “It does now.”

Tendou traced long fingers across Semi’s cheek, slipped them into the back of his hair. “Of course I want to be official, Eita. And not just so you’ll sleep with me. Although I admit that’s a nice bonus.”

“Even if you’d said no, I would’ve offered anyway, so no pressure.”

Except the pressure between Tendou’s legs, when Semi shifted his thigh upward.

“You’re good to go on the second date,” said Tendou, grinning through the pulse of heat that shot to his groin. “Interesting.”

“Technically we fucked before we had any dates at all. We did the whole thing backwards, so there aren’t any rules anymore.”

Tendou thought back to that night, to the sight of Semi in his bed, the taste of his mouth, the white flashes of ecstasy as Semi rode him.

At the time he’d never thought it would happen again, and he was thrilled that he’d been proven wrong.

“That’s good,” said Tendou vaguely, as Semi ducked closer. “I don’t like rules.”

Semi’s breath dusted over his face, a bare instant before his lips found Tendou’s. Semi kissed him slowly, at first. They moved in tandem, the dry slide of their mouths gentle, comforting. Tendou slipped a hand beneath Semi’s shirt, spreading his fingers over his spine. Semi pressed a palm against Tendou’s jaw, his thumb brushing over Tendou’s cheekbone. They were flush together, chest to chest, Semi’s thigh shifting gradually higher between Tendou’s legs. 

Semi’s tongue flicked at Tendou’s lips, coaxing them apart. He licked into Tendou’s mouth in a gentle sweep, then slipped further, his piercing clacking against Tendou’s teeth. 

It was all Tendou could do to keep himself from moaning. He curled his tongue around Semi’s and slipped his hand lower, lingering over the curve of Semi’s ass beneath his jeans. 

Semi pulled away from Tendou’s mouth and moved to his ear instead, licking along the edge, nipping lightly. “I’m going to fuck you so good,” said Semi, his voice husky in Tendou’s ear, “that you won’t be able to leave this apartment, even if you want to.”

Heat scorched a trail down Tendou’s spine. “I don’t believe you,” he said, grinning through his haze. “Guess you’ll have to prove it.”

“Fine. I will.” He pressed a finger beneath Tendou’s chin, tilting his head back, before descending on Tendou’s neck. The suction of his mouth was divine. Tendou’s breath caught with every scrape of teeth.

Tendou’s hips bucked upward, and Semi rolled a thigh against him, dragging a low moan from Tendou’s throat that was sheer need.

“Eita,” he said, barely scraping together the coherency to speak. “We should move off Wakatoshi’s couch.”

Semi murmured an agreement against Tendou’s throat. He left one last, lingering lick before pulling away. “Yeah. This isn’t enough space for what I’m going to do to you.”

The noise that slipped from Tendou’s mouth was almost a whine. He seized the back of Semi’s neck and pulled him down, the force of the kiss bruising. Neither of them cared. Tendou melted into the hot twist of Semi’s tongue, his hands roaming higher, pushing Semi’s shirt up to his shoulders. He felt along the slope of Semi’s back, dipping his fingers beneath the waistband of his jeans. Semi ground down against him, and their gasp was mutual.

“We need to move,” said Semi, abruptly pulling back. “If we keep going I won’t be able to stop and we’ll fuck up the couch.”

“Right,” said Tendou. His entire body was burning. 

“Let’s go to my bed.” Semi pushed himself upright. He started to say something else, but his eyes caught across the room and he went still, the hand on Tendou’s shoulder seizing into a tight grip.

Tendou twisted his head around to follow his gaze, and shock drained some of the heat from his blood. 

Ushijima stood in the doorway with a glass of water in his hand, staring at the pair of them. It was always hard to read his expression, and just then it was impossible. Tendou had no idea what Ushijima was thinking, had no idea if he would shrug this off or take offense.

Tendou’s first instinct was to explain it away, but he knew that wouldn’t work. There was no point in trying. Besides, he and Semi had just agreed to make their relationship official. Ushijima would have found out sooner rather than later. Tendou cleared his throat and took the dive so Semi didn’t have to. “Yes,” said Tendou, pretending his pulse wasn’t skittering away from him. “This is exactly what it looks like.”


	7. Chapter 7

Ushijima wasn’t angry that they’d been making out on his couch. He was disappointed that they’d kept their relationship a secret from him, but when they explained in vague detail what had happened between them, he understood. He again extended an offer for Tendou to stay the night, only requesting that the two of them do nothing to defile his furniture.

Half an hour later, Tendou was bundled up in Semi’s bed. He’d never been in Ushijima’s guestroom, but he was unsurprised to find that it was twice as big as the bedroom at his own apartment. Semi had supplied a bed and other assorted furniture and items, but it was largely bare of decoration. Tendou didn’t know if that was because Semi had only lived there for a couple of months and hadn’t found time, or if he wasn’t much for decorating. Tendou didn’t mind. He’d never decorated his apartment, either.

“You know,” said Tendou, nudging closer to Semi, “I’m kinda disappointed. I’ve never told Wakatoshi I like guys and he wasn’t even shocked.”

Semi snorted. “Yeah, right. As if something like that would surprise him. He’s unshakable.”

“Guess we should’ve just fucked on the couch after all,” said Tendou with a grin. “Maybe that would’ve gotten a reaction from him.”

Semi kicked him, but gently. “Shut up. I don’t want him to walk in on us fucking. That would be so weird.”

“So you’re not into voyeurism. Noted.”

Semi moved, and Tendou thought he was about to be kicked again, but Semi simply draped himself further over Tendou. “You’re gross.”

“Why’d you let me in your bed, then?”

“Guess I don’t mind gross.”

“Also noted.”

Semi pushed himself up on his elbows to look at Tendou. The room was dark, and Tendou could only make out the shape of Semi’s face and the dull gleam of his eyes. Semi was a blur of shadow as he ducked down to kiss Tendou, the wet slide of their lips loud in the silent room.

Tendou felt his way beneath Semi’s shirt again. He’d changed into an old band tee, soft from excessive wear. “You know,” said Tendou quietly, “I’ve never wanted anything more than I want you right now, but knowing Wakatoshi is probably lying awake, thinking about what we’re doing in here, is kinda turning me off.”

Semi dropped his face into Tendou’s shoulder with a groan. “Fuck. I was thinking the same thing. It’s so damn quiet in here. He’d probably hear us.”

“Which wouldn’t be a problem for me, but since you’re not into voyeurism-”

“Shut _up_.” Semi shoved at Tendou’s shoulder and rolled on top of him, knocking the breath from his lungs. He was sturdier than he’d been in high school and it made him heavy. Tendou didn’t mind. He wrapped his arms around Semi’s waist and let himself be crushed.

Semi rolled to the side after a minute, leaving them lying face to face. His hand slipped down to trail over Tendou’s knee, stopping on his bare thigh. Tendou had stripped down to his underwear since he didn’t have a change of clothes, but now he wished he was wearing even less.

“Thanks for staying tonight,” said Semi quietly. “I really did miss you.”

“Yeah.” Tendou left a soft kiss on Semi’s mouth. “You too.”

They stayed like that, wrapped up in each other, until Semi fell asleep. It didn’t take long. Despite his nap, he was clearly exhausted. Tendou closed his eyes and listened to Semi breathe, basking in the tranquility. It didn’t matter that they hadn’t done anything more. Lying there with Semi was all he needed. It was perfect.

Tendou let himself relax, and fell asleep more quickly than he had in a long, long time.  
  
  
  
  
When he woke up the next morning, the early light was already creeping in through the edges of the blinds. They’d moved during the night, but they were still close. One of Semi’s legs was hitched around Tendou’s, keeping him tethered. Carefully, Tendou extracted himself from the nest of limbs, trying not to jostle him.

Semi didn’t even twitch. He was still out cold.

Tendou slipped into his clothes and left the room as quietly as possible. He padded down the hallway toward the bathroom, and then headed back toward Semi’s room, but stopped at the door. 

A metallic clang came from farther in the condo, followed by a clink of dishes. Tendou moved away from the guest room and followed the noise. The kitchen tile was cold on his bare toes as he paused on the threshold, watching Ushijima adjust a skillet on the cooktop. A carton of eggs was open on the counter, and the red light on the rice cooker suggested it was in use.

“Morning, Waka.”

Ushijima glanced over his shoulder, unsurprised. “Good morning. Did you sleep well?”

Coming from anyone else, Tendou would have expected a suggestive undertone. Ushijima, however, posed it as an innocent question. “Yeah, I did,” said Tendou. “It was nice not hearing the neighbors stomping around all night.”

“The walls here are quite well-insulated,” said Ushijima. He reached for an egg, studied it, and carefully put it back in the carton. “Satori, may I speak with you?”

Uncertainty twisted in Tendou’s gut. “Uh… Sure.”

Ushijima gestured to the table, and Tendou reluctantly dragged out a chair and sat. Ushijima took the seat across from him, as expressionless as ever.

The curtains over the sink had been pulled back and the morning sun filled the room. It was a clear day, and the ambiance would have been cheerful, if Tendou’s nerves weren’t clawing at the inside of his skull.

Ushijima didn’t immediately speak, and Tendou’s anxiety peaked. 

“Sorry about making out on your couch,” he blurted. “It was kind of an accident. We won’t do it again.”

Ushijima’s brows rose, just slightly. “There is no need to apologize. This is Eita’s home, too. He can do whatever he’d like on the couch, although I would prefer if he kept it clean.” He paused and added, “You may consider this your home, as well. You know you are welcome here anytime.”

Tendou shed his anxiety like a second skin. Relief rose to take its place, as warm as the sunlight on the windowsill. “Thanks, Waka.”

“I wish to speak with you about something different.” Ushijima folded his hands together on the table and stared down at them, his brows pulling together. “I’ve been reluctant to discuss it, but considering what I’ve learned about you and Eita, it feels necessary.”

“Sure, we can talk about anything you want.”

“I would prefer if you didn’t mention it to Eita. At least, not until it is resolved.”

That brought back a touch of Tendou’s anxiety. He didn’t like the thought of keeping secrets from Semi, but he trusted Ushijima not to ask for something that would damage their relationship. “Okay.”

Ushijima nodded slightly, more to himself than Tendou. A few seconds dragged by, then a few more. Tendou didn’t think he’d ever seen Ushijima so hesitant.

Finally, when Tendou had started to fidget in his chair, Ushijima spoke.

“A few weeks ago,” he said, voice low, “Shirabu contacted me to request a meeting.”

Tendou’s muscles tightened at the mention of Shirabu, but he said nothing.

“I went to his university to speak with him, a few days before their championship match.” Ushijima’s stare was still fixed on his intertwined fingers, his brows cutting together more deeply. “He said that he had been reluctant to initiate contact, because he did not want to make things uncomfortable for me, but that he was unable to put it off any longer.”

Tendou didn’t know what he was expecting Ushijima to say next. Maybe Shirabu had told him something to try and keep Tendou and Semi apart. Maybe he’d leaked details of his relationship with Semi, something that would make Ushijima want to kick him out of his condo. Tendou hadn’t thought Shirabu would try to sabotage him, especially not after what he’d said at the match, but Tendou’s thoughts were building theories so quickly that he didn’t have time to weigh them for believability.

Ushijima glanced up. “Again, I would request that you do not repeat this. For Shirabu’s sake more than my own.”

Slowly, Tendou nodded.

“He asked if I would be interested in seeing him,” said Ushijima, again looking at his hands. “Romantically.”

Tendou hadn’t known what to expect, but it definitely hadn’t been _that_.

“Shirabu did _what_?” asked Tendou, a bit too sharply. 

Ushijima frowned at him, confused by his tone. “Is there a problem?”

Tendou thought about that. Semi and Shirabu had dated for a long time, but Semi was moving on, so it would make sense for Shirabu to do the same. Tendou had never gotten confirmation, but back in high school, he’d been certain Shirabu had nursed a massive crush for Ushijima, one that he’d never mentioned or acted on. 

That wasn’t much different from Tendou pining after Semi back then, if he thought about it that way.

“No,” said Tendou, after a moment of thought. “I guess there’s not.”

Ushijima seemed satisfied by that. “He seemed quite uncomfortable. I believe he was worried I would be angered by the suggestion.”

“What did you say?”

Ushijima hesitated again. “I told him that it was too abrupt for an immediate response. I asked for time to consider.”

It took extreme effort for Tendou to resist a dramatic facepalm. That was such a typical Ushijima thing to say. “Please tell me you’re kidding,” he said, although he knew better.

“I am serious.”

Tendou sighed. “I know. So we went to the championship match together a few days after he asked you?” He thought back to the match. Ushijima had gone with them to speak with Goshiki, but he hadn’t approached Shirabu. Tendou hadn’t given it much thought at the time, but this explained it. “You could’ve said something.”

“I didn’t know if it was appropriate.”

“What did you tell him later, then? After you had time to think about it.”

“I haven’t spoken to him again. I still have not decided.”

“That was three weeks ago.”

“I am aware.”

Tendou took a deep breath and released it on a sigh. “You can’t leave him hanging that long, Waka. After the first week he would’ve assumed it was a no, and that you just didn’t want to shut him down in person.”

Ushijima’s frown became more pronounced. “That was not my intention.”

“What was it, then?” asked Tendou. “Do you want to go out with him? Are you even into guys?”

“I don’t know.”

Tendou didn’t know which question he was answering, but he had a suspicion it was both. “What are you planning to do, then?”

“I don’t know,” Ushijima repeated. He transferred his hands from the table to his lap. He looked more lost than Tendou had ever seen him. “I have always enjoyed Shirabu’s company. He is quiet, yet insightful. I wouldn’t mind spending time with him, but I know this isn’t that simple.”

When they’d reconnected, Tendou hadn’t asked any prying questions about Ushijima’s life over the past five years, but this conversation alone filled in a lot of the blanks. “Have you never dated anyone, Waka?”

“I have never wanted to waste time on a relationship.”

“What about, uh…” Tendou didn’t know how to ask, so he just pushed through and said it. “What about sex?”

“I have never been interested.”

Maybe Tendou should have been surprised, but if he stacked up all the things he’d learned about Ushijima since the day they’d met, this fell into perfect order. “You could’ve asked me about this earlier,” he said quietly, “instead of worrying over it for three weeks.”

Ushijima stared down at his lap. “I did not know how to approach the conversation.”

Silence lingered between them. A low hum came from the rice cooker, but it was the only sound in the condo. Ushijima had been right; the walls were extremely well insulated.

“It’s fine if you’re not interested in sex, you know,” said Tendou. “That doesn’t mean you can’t still date.”

“It seems to be an integral part of a relationship.”

Tendou wondered if Ushijima was thinking about walking in on Tendou and Semi the night before. “Not always.”

Ushijima didn’t respond to that, but Tendou didn’t expect him to.

“Some people are really invested in sex,” said Tendou, “but some people don’t care as much. Other people don’t care at all. It varies from person to person. I don’t know how Shirabu feels about it, but… I think, if he knew you weren’t interested in that part of a relationship, he would be okay with it.” It felt awkward to say nice things about Shirabu, because he’d always gotten the impression that people were supposed to dislike their partners’ exes. Still, Tendou couldn’t say anything bad about him, especially not in regards to this. It would be a lie. “He likes you because of you. I don’t think the sex thing would be a deal-breaker for him.”

Ushijima put his linked hands on the table again. It was the closest to fidgeting that he’d ever been. “I do not wish to be disappointing to him, or anyone else, as a partner. I feel that my lack of interest in sex disqualifies me from pursuing a romantic relationship.”

“That’s not how it works, Wakatoshi.”

Ushijima frowned down at his hands, unswayed.

“The point of dating is companionship.” said Tendou. He didn’t have the best history with relationships, and he was not qualified to give this sort of advice. But he was willing to try, for Ushijima. “A relationship is to learn about someone, and let them learn about you. You have their back, and they have yours, and sure, it might be tough to get along sometimes, but if you care about each other, that doesn’t matter.” Tendou paused, thinking over his words before he said them. “Sex is good, but it’s not what it’s all about. Not for real relationships. It’s just a bonus, for people who are into it. If you’re not, you can still have just as much of a relationship as anyone else. If that’s what you’re unsure about, don’t let that stop you. Maybe you’ll decide you want to do that later, or maybe you won’t. Either way, it’s your decision, and it won’t be the wrong one.”

Ushijima’s shoulders sank a little. “I have never asked, but I am quite certain that Semi and Shirabu were involved in a sexual relationship. If I agreed to date Shirabu, he would expect the same from me.”

Tendou had never seen a single ounce of vulnerability from Ushijima until now. He felt guilty, like he should have known about this, like he should have talked to Ushijima sooner. 

If he hadn’t gone off the grid for five years, maybe he could have helped.

“All relationships are different, Waka. When someone goes into a brand new one, they don’t expect it to be the same as the one that just ended. It shouldn’t be. If you don’t want to go out with him, that’s fine, but you should tell him so he doesn’t keep thinking about it. If you think you might want to, just call him up and talk about all this. He’ll understand. He’s a good kid.”

“Shirabu is not a kid. He is barely younger than we are.”

Tendou shrugged. “He's my kouhai. He'll always be a kid to me.”

Ushijima rose, his chair scraping against tile. He went to the cooktop and adjusted the heat, but made no move to begin cooking. He turned back toward Tendou and said, “Do you think it would be inconsiderate, since he and Eita were in a relationship?”

“You would have to ask Eita about that,” said Tendou, “but I think it would be okay.”

Ushijima nodded, reached for an egg, and expertly cracked it into the pan. “Breakfast will be ready in about twenty minutes, if you would like to eat with us.” He sounded perfectly at ease, as if the heavy conversation had never happened. 

Tendou wondered if Ushijima had already made up his mind about what he was going to do, but refrained from asking. Ushijima would tell him when he was ready.

“I’ll go see if Eita is awake,” offered Tendou. “If he’s not, I’ll drag him in here anyway.”

That was a lie, but Ushijima let him go without comment.

Semi was still in bed, but the lump of sheets shifted when Tendou opened the door. He pulled it shut behind him and crept to the edge of the bed, reaching out to comb a hand through a mess of dark hair. The bleached peaks slipped like between his fingers like silk.

“Rise and shine, Semi-Semi,” he said, singsong. “Our maid is making breakfast as we speak. Don’t want it to go to waste.”

Semi grumbled something unintelligible, rolling toward Tendou and cracking his eyes open. “The thought of Wakatoshi in a maid outfit is not what I wanted to wake up to.”

“I never said what he was wearing,” said Tendou, “but it’s good to know where your head’s at.”

Semi groaned and rolled back over, but Tendou crawled onto the bed and chased after him. He draped himself over Semi and nuzzled against his jaw. It was rough with stubble. “What would you rather wake up to? I’ll see if I can fix it.”

Semi huffed and flopped onto his back, staring up at Tendou. He raised a hand and slipped his fingers through the long strands of hair framing Tendou’s face. It had fallen down during the night.

“This is perfect,” said Semi.

Warmth bubbled in Tendou’s chest. “You’re a sap when you’re sleepy.”

Semi’s mouth quirked into a half-grin. He pushed up on his elbows to kiss Tendou and slipped his legs off the edge of the bed. “We shouldn’t keep the maid waiting. It’s not polite.”

Tendou laughed and followed him to the kitchen, his grin unshakeable. 

  
  
  
  
  
“I’ve told that asshole fifty fucking times not to touch my computer,” said Semi, scowling as he recounted the story. “He gets his greasy fingerprints all over it. He should’ve fucking listened.”

Tendou was doubled over the table, fighting back his laughter. Usually he would’ve cackled, but they were in public, and he didn’t want to make a scene that would embarrass Semi. He took a steadying breath and said, voice cracking with humor, “So you poured glue on his computer?”

“Only on the keyboard.” Semi shrugged, unconcerned. “When it hardened up overnight the keys got all stiff and stopped working. He told the boss on me, but no one can prove I did it, so I didn’t get in trouble. Fuck him.”

A giggle slipped out of Tendou’s mouth. He slapped a hand over it and leaned back, grinning behind his fingers. “I had no idea you were so vengeful, Semi-Semi.”

Semi’s mouth pulled into a smirk. “It’s karma.”

They were on their second dinner date, a few days after Tendou had slept over at Ushijima’s. This time, the outing was much less tense. Tendou hadn’t been worried at all. He’d felt a quick flutter in the brief instant he’d spotted Semi in the crowd, but only because he was so stunning that Tendou’s mind couldn’t quite comprehend it. He had a feeling he would always have that reaction to Semi. He didn’t want it to go away.

They’d already cleared their plates – Semi had, at least, and Tendou had eaten enough that Semi wasn’t judging him – but neither of them were in a rush to leave. Tendou was content to sit in the warm atmosphere for a while longer, simply enjoying Semi’s company before he lost it. They both had an early morning, so spending the night together wasn’t part of the plan. 

Tendou was disappointed by their schedules, but grateful that he’d gotten to see Semi at all.

The waitress came by to pick up their dishes. She balanced them in one hand and used the other to place their receipts on the edge of the table. She’d printed off one for each of them. Tendou thought if they’d been a straight couple, she would have only brought one.

Tendou reached for his, but Semi snatched the slip of paper from beneath his hand. 

“I’ve got it,” said Semi, tucking the two receipts together. 

Tendou leaned across the table to grab it back, but Semi held it out of reach. “C’mon, Semi-Semi. Give me it.”

“I said I’ve got it.” Semi leaned over to fish his wallet out of his back pocket. “I asked you out, so I’ll pay.”

“We split it last time.”

“Yeah, because I wasn’t fast enough to get your receipt.” Semi put the tickets on the extreme corner of the table, as far away from Tendou as possible. He slapped a debit card on top of them, keeping a finger planted on the stack until the waitress came by to pick it up. 

“Who knew you were such a romantic?” said Tendou. He was already making plans to pull the same trick the next time they went out. He wouldn’t let Semi outdo him. 

“Stick around and I might even buy you flowers or some shit.” 

Tendou laughed. It was easy to laugh when he was with Semi. Everything was easier with Semi.

The waitress returned with Semi’s card, and he signed the receipt with a flourish. 

“Ready to go?” he asked, as he tucked his wallet away. 

Tendou wasn’t, but he nodded anyway.

They stepped outside, and Tendou pulled his jacket closer against the chill. Semi moved off to the side to light up a cigarette, and Tendou followed. He watched Semi smoke, trying to remember the last time he’d witnessed it. He was fairly sure Semi hadn’t had a single cigarette the night Tendou had been at Ushijima’s. Maybe he was cutting back, or trying to quit again.

A minute slipped by and Semi said, “Hey, you still like ice cream?”

Tendou did. They ended up at an ice cream shop a few streets over, seated at a high table by the large front windows, watching the pedestrians pass by on the sidewalk beyond. They’d scooted their chairs closer than was necessary, elbows brushing every time one of them moved.

“Oh, by the way,” said Semi, “Reon wanted your address to send you an official wedding invitation. Probably so you won’t have a reason to not go. Technically he sent them out months ago, but you weren’t around back then. I told him not to worry about it, that you’d be my plus one.”

Tendou paused with the plastic spoon tucked between his lips. He returned it to the bowl and said, “You want me to go to Reon’s wedding with you?”

Semi raised a brow. “Isn’t that what I just said?”

“I just… wasn’t sure if you were telling people.” Tendou gestured between them. “About us.”

“I thought we agreed it was official.” Semi’s brow creased. “I thought you were okay with it. If you wanted to keep it a secret-”

“No, it’s fine!” Tendou waved a hand, trying to clear away Semi’s worries. “I don’t mind if anyone knows. I _want_ them to know. I’m happy about it. I just didn’t know if you would tell them yet. Because of Shirabu, I guess.”

That was only part of the reason. He’d also wondered if their old teammates would judge Semi for dating him. Tendou knew he was a little different. He wasn’t exactly the ideal boyfriend. 

Semi propped his chin in his hand and stared out the window. “Well, I did tell them. Reon was happy for us. He thought there was something more to our disagreement, but he didn’t want to say anything. Hayato didn’t believe me at first because he swore you were into girls, he but came around. He said the gay must be contagious. He’s worried he’ll catch it next.”

Tendou grinned around another bite of ice cream.

Semi sighed. “I haven’t talked to Kenjirou about it, but he probably knows anyway. When I broke up with him, he knew why I was doing it. I didn’t even have to tell him.”

Guilt twisted in Tendou’s gut. He still felt bad for coming between Semi and Shirabu’s relationship. He’d never meant to be a home wrecker. But as bad as it was, he thought he’d do the same thing again. He’d gotten Semi, after all.

“Do you still talk to him?” asked Tendou.

“Yeah, here and there.” 

Tendou thought about what Ushijima had said, about Shirabu asking him out. It hadn’t been mentioned again, and Tendou didn’t want to make Ushijima feel awkward by asking.

“Does that bother you?” asked Semi.

Tendou blinked, realizing he’d gone quiet. “What, Shirabu? No, of course not. You can talk to whoever you want.”

Semi studied him, as if weighing his honesty. When he looked away, he seemed relieved. “We were together for a long time. I don’t want to just forget about that, you know? I still want to be his friend.”

Tendou imagined Semi going to hang out with Shirabu, to get dinner or drinks. Maybe it should have made him uncomfortable, or jealous. Maybe Semi would change his mind again, and leave Tendou the same way he’d left Shirabu.

Maybe, but Tendou didn’t think so. 

Even if that happened, it was Semi’s choice. Tendou couldn’t force him to stay in a relationship he didn’t want. If Semi ever chose to leave, Tendou would let him go.

He just hoped he would never have to.

“I think that’s nice, Semi-Semi,” said Tendou. He leaned close to scoop a bite of melting ice cream out of Semi’s bowl. “He’s lucky to have you.”

A shadow fell over Semi’s face, turning his expression into something almost pained. He cradled his forehead in his palm and said, quietly, “Yesterday Wakatoshi told me Kenjirou asked him out.”

Slowly, Tendou pushed his mostly empty bowl away and rested his elbows on the table. “Are you okay with that?”

Semi’s shoulders rose with a heavy breath. “I should be. I want him to be happy, but it’s…” He trailed off, and abruptly looked up at Tendou. “Wait. You’re not even surprised. Did you already know?”

Tendou floundered for a response.

“You fucking did,” hissed Semi. He shoved Tendou’s shoulder and collapsed onto the table, head buried in his arms. “Oh my god.”

“I’m sorry,” said Tendou. He reached out, but didn’t know if he should touch Semi when he was mad. “Wakatoshi told me the other night, but he asked me not to say anything. He didn’t want it to be weird. He was worried about upsetting you. I told him to talk to you about it. I didn’t-”

“Shut up, Satori.”

Tendou did, his ramble trailing into silence. He’d messed up. As soon as Ushijima had said he couldn’t tell Semi, he should have backed out of the conversation. He didn’t want to keep secrets from Semi, didn’t want him to think he was hiding anything else. 

“Eita, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean-”

Semi reached out, blindly, and pressed a hand against Tendou’s jaw. He’d probably been aiming for his mouth. “I said shut up. I’m processing.”

Tendou bit his tongue and said nothing else.

A minute dragged by, and Semi emerged from his arms, that crease digging between his brows. “Like, I shouldn’t even be surprised. We dated forever. I knew he had a thing for Wakatoshi. I just never thought he’d do anything about it, you know? Wakatoshi has always seemed…” He gestured vaguely. “Unattainable, I guess. I’ve never even seen Wakatoshi go on a date before. Does he even date?”

It took Tendou too long to respond. He was still expecting to be snapped at for keeping secrets. “Uh… no, he doesn’t. Well, he hasn’t, up until now. Apparently he never wanted to waste time on it, but he… Aren’t you mad at me?”

“Huh? No, why would I be?”

“For… not telling you about this?”

Semi shrugged him off. “Wakatoshi asked you not to say anything. It’s probably the first time he’s ever wanted to keep anything to himself. Of course I’m not mad.”

Tendou nearly deflated with relief. “Oh. Good.”

Semi frowned at him. He reached for Tendou’s hand and slipped their fingers together. “I’m not going to get mad about something like that. I’m a dick, but I’m not that much of a dick.”

Tendou squeezed his hand, gently. Usually he enjoyed making people angry. It was fun to watch them reach their tipping point, to see them boil over. He didn’t want to see Semi that way, though. Especially not because of something Tendou had done.

“What did you tell Wakatoshi?”

Semi sighed and stared down at their linked hands. “I told him to do whatever he wants to do. Kenjirou and I aren’t together. What he does isn’t my business anymore.”

“Did you say that because it seemed like the right thing to say,” asked Tendou, “or because you really meant it?”

It took Semi longer to answer this time. He toyed with Tendou’s fingers, grazing his thumb along pale knuckles. “Both, I guess. That was obviously the right answer, but… I want Kenjirou to find someone to be with. Someone who’s better for him than I was. I never thought it would be Wakatoshi, and it’s weird, but… maybe it’ll work out for them. I don’t know.”

“So Wakatoshi is gonna go out with him?”

“I think so. He didn’t talk too much about that part. He just wanted to know how I felt about it, before he did anything.”

Tendou tilted his head, trying to imagine the two of them together. He couldn’t. “It really is weird.”

Semi snorted, and finally grinned. “Right? Can you picture them going out? It would be so fucking awkward. Shit, I love them, but they both need some serious help with their social skills.”

The word _love_ tugged at Tendou, but he shrugged it off. Semi had grouped Shirabu in with Ushijima, as if he loved them in the same way. Maybe he did, or maybe it was different. Tendou shouldn’t care, as long as Semi cared about him, too.

“It’s getting late,” said Semi a few minutes later. “We should go.” 

Tendou agreed, although reluctantly. They tidied up their table and left the shop. The wind had gotten colder. Semi popped up the collar of his leather jacket, but didn’t reach for a cigarette this time.

“We’ll go downtown one day, if you want,” said Semi. “I’ll show you where to rent a suit for the wedding.” He paused, and added, “If you want to go with me. I guess I didn’t even ask.”

“I’d go anywhere with you, Semi-Semi.”

“Come back to Wakatoshi’s with me, then,” said Semi. “We’ll skip work tomorrow. Fuck it.”

Tendou grinned, savoring the idea of that. He looped his arms around Semi and pulled him close, oblivious to the people passing by. “That would be nice, except I’ll get fired and have to live in the gutter when I can’t pay for my apartment.”

“Just move in with Wakatoshi,” said Semi, the words muffled into Tendou’s shoulder. “I’ll quit my job, too. He can afford to feed us.”

Tendou huffed a laugh into Semi’s hair. “I’m not so sure how he’d feel about that.”

Semi wrapped an arm around Tendou’s neck and looked up at him. “Who cares? We’d be together every day.”

Tendou smiled as Semi kissed him, more briefly than he would have liked. “You’d get sick of me real fast.”

“I doubt that.” Semi kissed him one more time before pulling out of the embrace. “I’ll see you soon, alright? Text me.”

“Okay. Bye, Eita.”

The ice cream shop wasn’t far from Tendou’s apartment, so he chose to walk rather than take the bus. It was chilly, but he wasn’t bothered. Spending time with Semi made him so warm that he was immune to the weather.

They’d only been dating for a couple of weeks. That was nothing, compared to the time they’d spent apart. The relationship was still new and fragile, and things could change at any time.

Still, Tendou knew without a doubt that he loved Semi, more than he was capable of loving anyone else. It was too soon to tell him, and Tendou was worried about scaring him off. 

He would tell him some day though, and he only hoped Semi would love him back.


	8. Chapter 8

When Tendou heard the phrase “Bachelor Party”, he thought of alcohol fountains, illicit drugs (primarily cocaine), and strippers. He’d never attended one, and figured his view was tainted by mainstream Americanized media. Still, when he got a call from Reon asking if he would like to come, he had expected at least one of those elements to be present. What he hadn’t expected was a usual night at the bar, although he should have seen it coming. Even if other men went overboard on such occasions, Reon had always been too down-to-earth to enjoy something so extreme.

It was exactly three weeks before the wedding. Tendou had been under the impression that bachelor parties were held the night before, leaving the groom to show up with a hangover and a handful of regrets the next day, but maybe that was just media misinformation, too.

Regardless, he stared up at the façade of the local bar, hesitant to enter.

“Maybe I should’ve told him I was busy,” said Tendou, wavering. Reon would have enough friends here; he didn’t need Tendou, too. “I can text him and say I got called into work.”

“You will fucking not.” Semi glared at him through a sheen of smoke as he exhaled. “It won’t be bad. Reon isn’t making a big event out of it. He just wants to hang out with everyone.”

“He can still do that if I’m not here.”

Semi rolled his eyes. “You’re fucking ridiculous.” He tapped his cigarette out on the brick wall and tossed it into the trash bin nearby. “It’s just us. There might be a few people you don’t know, but you don’t even have to talk to them.”

“It just feels like it’s gonna be awkward.”

“It’s not. We’ll sit with Wakatoshi and Hayato. Just pretend no one else is there.”

That was comforting, but still Tendou hesitated. “Are we, uh… Are we together tonight?”

Semi had been checking his reflection in the window. He turned to face Tendou, combing fingers through his hair. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, are we…” Tendou gestured unhelpfully. “Together. Like, publicly. I know our friends already know, but… I don’t know how to act around strangers.”

That was the true source of his uncertainty, the subject he’d been avoiding even when he’d admitted to Semi he wasn’t sure about coming. Tendou had gone on dates before, but they’d never turned into real relationships. When he was alone with Semi everything was fine, but he didn’t know how he was supposed to behave in front of other people.

Semi had scoffed at his reluctance all the way there, but he finally seemed to understand. His face went softer, a slight frown pulling at his mouth. “Oh. I didn’t think about that. I guess I’m used to…” He didn’t finish that thought, but Tendou assumed it would have been something like _being with Kenjirou_. “Whatever you’re comfortable with,” said Semi. “If you want to be open about it, I’m okay with it. If you’d rather keep it quiet, I’m fine with that, too. Some people are fucking assholes, so sometimes it’s easier to be subtle.”

Tendou tried to remember watching Semi and Shirabu interact in public, before they’d broken up. He could only recall seeing them at Ushijima’s game, at which they had barely spoken, and at this exact bar a few months before. They’d only walked in together before Tendou had bolted, so he hadn’t gotten a good feel for them. He tried to remember if they’d been holding hands and couldn’t.

He wanted to ask, so he would know what Semi was expecting, but stopped himself. He thought of the conversation he’d had with Ushijima in his kitchen, about each relationship being different. New relationships shouldn’t be compared to old ones. They should be fresh, unique. 

“I’ve dealt with assholes since I was a kid,” said Tendou. It may have been for a different reason, but all assholes were the same. “They don’t bother me.”

Semi’s frown curved upward, and when he held open the door to the bar, Tendou didn’t hesitate again.

On the phone, Reon had promised that the occasion would be casual. When they stepped into the small back room, which was always reserved for such events, Tendou was relieved to find it was the truth. 

Several tables had been pushed together to form a single larger one. Reon was seated in the direct center, Ushijima on his left, men to his right and across the table that Tendou didn’t recognize. Some of them must have been the friends he’d made in university, or at work. Others were clearly his family, and Tendou saw the similarities from a mere glance. They had the same strong features, broad shoulders, and warm smiles. Tendou found himself on the receiving end of one of those smiles when Reon caught sight of them.

“Hey guys, come on over!” he said waving them closer. The music thumping in the main area of the bar was still audible, but much more subdued. This was a more socially intimate setting, and that made Tendou nervous all over again. “Thanks for coming! This is Semi and Tendou, my friends from way back. These are my brothers-”

Reon rambled off the names of his other guests, all of which Tendou forgot the moment the words left Reon’s mouth. He awkwardly waved at the group of them when Reon was finished, and followed Semi around the table. Semi took the seat beside Ushijima, leaving Tendou on the end, furthest away from the crowd. He was quietly grateful.

Yamagata wandered in a few minutes later and sat across from Tendou, which put him at ease even more. When Tendou was half an hour and two beers into the party, and none of Reon’s friends had spared him more than a polite question or two, he settled back into his chair with a sigh. He should’ve known he was overreacting. Of course anyone close to Reon would be decent, but meeting new people made Tendou antsy regardless.

People who mattered, anyway. He’d learned a long time ago to ignore the opinions of strangers, but Reon’s family didn’t quite fit into that category.

“Here, try this,” said Semi, pushing a plate of greasy food toward Tendou. Someone had ordered a selection of appetizers and the selection was making its way around the table. “It kind of tastes like curry, only not.”

“That’s enlightening, thank you, Semi-Semi.”

Semi scowled at him, but it was forced. His smile eclipsed it only a second later. Tendou tried the food, to appease him, and pushed the plate across the table to Yamagata.

Nothing about the informal party was uncomfortable. Tendou was hesitant to even classify it as a party. There were no toasts or obnoxious stories about Reon from his youth, no jokes about his soon-to-be-lost freedom. Everyone just talked and laughed among themselves, like any other night out. Some of the men Tendou didn’t know tried to persuade Reon into taking a line of shots, but when he declined, they shrugged it off and split the drinks among themselves instead. 

This was nothing like the bachelor parties Tendou had seen on tv, and he was never trusting movies again.

“You sure you don’t want some of this?” asked Semi a while later, when they’d ordered their individual meals. Semi had gotten something resembling a hamburger, but the shape was all wrong. He seemed to be enjoying it anyway. He took another bite and said, through a mouthful, “It’s fuckin’ amazing.”

His manners would have been better if he hadn’t been four beers in, but Tendou didn’t mind. 

“Nah, I’m good,” said Tendou with a grin. “Thanks, Semi-Semi.”

Semi shrugged. There was a smear of sauce at the corner of his mouth, and Tendou wiped it away without thinking. He only realized after he’d done it that the gesture may have been a little too intimate for their current company. He glanced to the side as he wiped his hand on a napkin, to see if anyone had noticed. One of Reon’s friends was looking at them, but he appeared more bewildered than offended.

Someone else had definitely noticed, though.

“It’s weird,” said Yamagata flatly. He gestured between the two of them, as if they could mistake what he meant. “Like… Yeah, I get it with you, Eita. You’ve been getting dick for a long time, but I expected more from you, Satori.”

Tendou slapped a hand over his face, already feeling himself going red. He wanted to blame the lack of discretion on the shots Yamagata had just taken, but he was fairly sure he would have said the same thing sober.

Maybe he would’ve said it a bit more quietly, though.

“Fuck off, Hayato,” said Semi. He flipped a piece of food across the table. “Mind your fucking business.”

“You guys are my business,” said Yamagata with a grin. “That’s what being friends is all about.”

Semi rolled his eyes and returned to his food, unbothered. Tendou tried to do the same, and though he kept his head down, he still felt curious stares from the other end of the table. 

Semi scooted his chair closer, his knee knocking against Tendou’s. “Hey, you alright?” His eyes were a little glassy, but there was no slur in his voice. He wasn’t quite drunk.

“Yeah, I’m good.”

Semi tilted his head. “You sure? You got quiet.”

“I thought if I kept really still, Hayato would forget I was here and go away.”

“Hey!” snapped Yamagata.

Tendou grinned at him from across the table, some of his tension ebbing. 

They stayed for a while, longer than they would have if it had just been the five of them. Yamagata was fidgety, but to his credit, he didn’t take off after the waitress or try to slink into the main area of the bar to flirt. Tendou had a couple more beers, enough to leave him with a pleasant buzz. 

Ushijima was the first to excuse himself from the table, because he had a team meeting early the following morning. He hadn’t ordered anything alcoholic, and Tendou realized he’d never seen Ushijima drink anything stronger than root beer. 

Once he was gone, the rest of the party began trickling away. Everyone gave Reon a slap on the shoulder and a heartfelt round of congratulations, and Tendou and Semi did the same before they left, too. 

“You’re coming to the wedding, right?” asked Reon, before Tendou could walk away. Reon had had a few beers, which was more than Tendou had seen him drink, but he was still remarkably composed. “Eita said you were.”

Tendou glanced at Semi, who was steady on his feet despite the last beer he’d just downed. “Sure. I’ll be there.”

“Great.” Reon reached up to pat Tendou’s arm. “Thanks for coming out. It means a lot.”

Tendou was suddenly glad he’d dragged himself there. “Yeah, no problem.”

After a stop by the bathroom, he and Semi were on their way down the street, pausing only long enough for Semi to light a cigarette. He pushed the pack into Tendou’s hand and said, “Don’t let me have any more of these. I’m trying to quit, and I smoke way too much when I drink.”

Tendou tucked them away in his pocket. “Your cigarettes are safe with me.”

They were less than a block away from the bar when Semi reached for Tendou’s hand. A few people on the sidewalk gave them looks, but Tendou tried not to notice. He would get used to it. He was practiced in the art of dealing with other people’s disapproval.

“That wasn’t so bad, right?” said Semi, as they stopped at the crosswalk. “The party?”

“Nah, it wasn’t bad.”

Semi smiled around his cigarette. “Told you.”

“I should have listened. The great Semi Eita could never be wrong.”

Semi laughed. He’d done more of that over the past couple hours than Tendou was used to. It must have been the alcohol. “Remember that when we have our first fight.” He tilted nearer, walking so close that his thigh brushed up against Tendou’s. “You want to come home with me?”

Tendou did. He’d wanted that for _weeks_. 

“It’s kind of weird, with Wakatoshi there,” said Tendou. As badly as he wanted Semi, he didn’t want the thought of Ushijima floating around in his head when they were alone.

“Invite me to your place, then.”

Tendou squeezed Semi’s hand, lightly. “I don’t know if that’s the best idea, Semi-Semi. You’re a little drunk.”

“I am fucking not.”

“You had like… six beers? Seven?”

Semi came to a stop, their linked hands forcing Tendou to do the same. Semi squinted up at him. “Do you want to fuck me or not?”

People passed by them on the sidewalk, closely enough that they must have heard. Tendou couldn’t bring himself to care. “Eita, that is the dumbest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

“Let’s go, then.”

“I don’t want to take advantage of you.”

“We’re dating!”

“It doesn’t matter. It’s still-”

“Fuck.” Semi flicked his cigarette away and rubbed a hand over his face. “How far is your apartment?”

“About thirty minutes, if we walk.”

“I’ll be sober by then. I swear.”

“Eita-”

“If I’m not we’ll just go to bed and fuck in the morning.” Semi started walking again, tugging Tendou along. “Fuck. I should’ve stopped before those last couple beers. I didn’t think about it.”

“Of course you didn’t think about it,” said Tendou with a slight grin. “You were drunk.”

“Fuck you,” Semi mumbled.

Tendou didn’t take offense to that. Semi’s language seemed to get worse when he was drinking. Tendou was already so used to it that it hardly even registered.

That night was warmer, or maybe the few beers Tendou had drank were insulating him against the cold. Either way, it was a comfortable walk across town. The foot traffic thinned out the closer they got, and he didn’t have to ignore so many people staring at the pair of them, still holding hands.

He watched Semi closely as they climbed the stairs, looking for any clumsiness or instability that would bely his drunkenness. When they stepped into the apartment Semi was as coordinated as ever, leaning against the wall to tug off his boots. He tossed them aside rather than putting them neatly beside Tendou’s shoes, but Tendou didn’t know if that was because of intoxication or impatience.

Semi shrugged off his jacket and threw it over the back of the couch, in the exact spot he’d left it the first time he’d spent the night there. Tendou slipped out of his jacket too, but before he could put it anywhere, Semi caught his wrist and pulled him close. 

Tendou realized, distantly, that Semi was shorter without his boots on. He wore them so often that Tendou hadn’t noticed.

“Hey,” said Semi. He pressed his palms against Tendou’s chest, slid them upward to cup his neck.

“Hey.” Tendou dropped his jacket in the floor and rested his hands on Semi’s hips.

“I’m not drunk,” said Semi. The words were clear, as was his stare. “I swear. Maybe a little buzzed still, but definitely not drunk.”

“Eita-”

“I have been fucking dying,” said Semi, “thinking about you. It wouldn’t matter if I was stone cold sober or three sheets to the fucking wind, I would still want you.” 

The declaration was unshakable, and heat simmered in Tendou’s blood. “I don’t want you to do something you’ll regret.” He didn’t want to bring up the first time they’d done this, but he wondered if Semi was thinking about it. 

“The only thing I regret is that I didn’t tell you how I felt in fucking high school,” said Semi. “I was so stupid.”

“No judgment here. We were all stupid back then.”

Semi went up on his toes, his breath sweet against Tendou’s lips. “We don’t have to fuck if you don’t want to, but at least kiss me.”v That was a request that Tendou couldn’t refuse. He dipped down to taste Semi’s mouth, and Semi melted against him. It felt right, as if they’d done this hundreds of times instead of a small handful, but the eager burn beneath Tendou’s skin suggested it was something deliciously new.

Semi hummed into the kiss, hands traveling higher to curl into Tendou’s hair. He was going to pull it down. Tendou could already feel it happening, but didn’t have the capacity to care. He pulled Semi closer by his hips and slipped an arm around the small of his back. His hand tipped beneath the edge of Semi’s shirt and slid up his spine, and Semi gave a low moan that made heat spiral in Tendou’s gut.

“Fuck, Satori.” Semi pulled back to look at him with dark eyes. His liner was smudged and his hair was a mess from the wind. Tendou thought he was perfect. 

Tendou moved his hand higher, Semi’s shirt rising to reveal the cut of his hipbones and the curl of the tattoo on his ribs. Tendou wanted to see more, wanted to see _everything_.

“You sure you’re not drunk?” said Tendou, knowing even as he asked that he’d already lost his resolve.

“Yeah,” said Semi. His voice didn’t waver, nor did his stare. “I’d tell you if I was. I wouldn’t lie to you, Satori.”

Tendou believed him. It was impossible not to. “Okay.” He pulled Semi’s shirt over his head and tossed it aside, pulling him back into a kiss. He curled his arms around Semi, spreading his hands over his bare shoulders, lean muscle flexing beneath his palms. 

Semi’s tongue slipped into Tendou’s mouth, bringing the muzzy memory of his drinks. The taste was faint, barely there. Semi’s piercing nudged against Tendou’s tongue, and heat rushed to Tendou’s groin.

He’d never realized he was into piercings until he’d seen Semi with them. Then again, he thought he would be into anything if it involved Semi.

Semi’s teeth caught at Tendou’s lip, lightly, as he pulled away. “Can we go to your room?”

“Yeah,” said Tendou, breathless. “Whatever you want.”

Semi took Tendou’s hand and tugged him past the couch, straight into Tendou’s room as if he belonged there. He did belong there, now. This wasn’t like the first time they’d done this. Semi was still too beautiful to exist, but unlike last time, he was no longer out of place.

Semi pulled Tendou’s shirt off and dropped it, sliding his hands up Tendou’s bare chest as he leaned in for his lips. They fell into an awkward pile on the bed. Semi’s mouth was on Tendou’s neck, his fingers working at the front of Tendou’s jeans. He struggled, but huffed a satisfied breath when the button popped free. He straddled Tendou’s hips and went up on his knees to unhook his own jeans, staring down at Tendou with smoky intensity. He was backlit by the glow from the living room, light curling around his shoulders and playing at his hair. 

Tendou had never seen anyone so beautiful.

Semi shoved his pants down and rolled to the side to kick them off. Tendou did the same, trying not to be self-conscious about his near nudity. The last time they’d done this, it had been such a rush that he hadn’t had time to be embarrassed. 

Tendou knew he wasn’t as attractive as Semi. Anyone could see that. He was awkward and gangly as opposed to lean and athletic. He was too pale, his face was strange, and the first impression he tended to give other people was that of a creep.

Semi must have known those things, but if he did, he didn’t seem to care. He grazed fingertips from Tendou’s knee up to his hip, grasping it lightly as he ducked down to kiss him. He touched Tendou as if he was something tempting, valuable, and Tendou pulled him closer.

Semi slipped a knee between Tendou’s thighs as he licked the ragged breath out of Tendou’s mouth. “Fuck, I’ve wanted you for _weeks_.”

Tendou shivered. “Well I’m right here.”

Semi kissed Tendou’s jaw, then his neck, and his shoulder. “I know.” He traced a light trail up Tendou’s ribs and pulled back to look at him. “The first time didn’t count, okay? I fucked up and I’m sorry.”

“That’s funny,” said Tendou, trying to keep his voice even. “I seem to recall enjoying myself.”

“So did I, but I went about it the wrong way. It was stupid. I’ll make it up to you.” He nosed at Tendou’s neck, left a light scrape of teeth down to his collarbone.

Tendou gripped Semi’s shoulders. “You’re doing a good job so far.”

Semi huffed a laugh against Tendou’s skin. He rolled away and reached for the table by Tendou’s bed, ignoring the first drawer and going straight for the second.

Clearly he hadn’t been drunk the first time they’d done this, either. If he had been, there was no way he would have remembered that. When he shuffled close to Tendou again, he sat back on his heels, tucking a thumb into the band of his underwear and tugging them down, smoky stare intoxicating.

Tendou propped himself up on his elbows and brushed his fingers across Semi’s ribs, tracing the lines of his tattoo. He hadn’t gotten a good look at it the first time, but now, even in the darkened state of the room, he could make out the shape. It was a trio of chrysanthemums, each curling petal inked with extreme finesse. The first one reached midway up Semi’s ribs, the last stretching down to the curve of his hip. It was shaded mostly in gray, with a touch of scarlet inked along the edges. 

“Did this hurt?” asked Tendou, tracing the lines.

“Not really.” Semi closed his eyes, sighing beneath the light touch.

“I like it.”

“Thanks. I want more, but I don’t want to look like a fucking thug.”

Tendou grinned up at him. “You’d look good either way, thug or not.”

Semi smiled. He pushed his underwear the rest of the way off and kicked them into the floor. His fingers tucked into the edge of Tendou’s and lingered, as if waiting for permission.

Tendou nodded and raised his hips, letting Semi strip him bare. Semi’s eyes were on him, a dark sweep that left Tendou in a state of self-conscious squirming until Semi swooped down to kiss him. With Semi’s tongue in his mouth and a click of metal against his teeth, Tendou was too distracted to be insecure. 

He didn’t realize, until a fractured moan drizzled from Semi’s mouth into his own, that Semi had started working himself open.

Tendou pulled back, etching every line of Semi’s face and shoulders into his memory. “Let me do that, Semi-Semi.”

Semi shook his head, just slightly. “You’ll be too careful.”

“And that’s bad because…?”

“Because it’ll take longer and I want you right fucking now.”

Tendou bit his bottom lip to keep in the embarrassing sound that threatened to squeeze out of his throat. A surge of heat lit him up from the inside out, like the flickering flame of his arousal had been doused by kerosene. He hooked an arm around Semi’s waist and rolled to the side, pushing Semi with him, stopping when Semi was flat on his back with Tendou’s arms caging him in. Semi made a low noise, and the furrow of his brow suggested he was about to argue, but Tendou spoke before he could.

“Don’t let me stop you,” said Tendou lightly. He brushed long fingers along the curve of Semi’s jaw, down the line of his neck, and lower, slipping down Semi’s body as he went. “Keep doing what you’re doing. Don’t mind me.”

Semi’s tongue darted out to wet his lips, a flash of metal glinting in the darkness. When Tendou crawled further down, breath gusting over the tip of Semi’s cock, Semi dropped his head back with a groan. “Satori.”

“I thought you were doing something, Eita.” Tendou licked at Semi through a grin.

Semi mumbled something under his breath, and though Tendou couldn’t make out the words, the hard edges sounded like swearing. Semi bent one knee and reached behind himself, picking up where he’d left off, bucking up into Tendou’s mouth every time his fingers slipped deep. 

Semi’s head was tilted back, so Tendou couldn’t see his face from that angle, but the view of his chest rising and falling with his hitching breaths, and the way his stomach tightened every time he twitched in Tendou’s mouth, was mesmerizing. Tendou sank onto him deeper, spreading his tongue across every inch of Semi he could reach, soaking in the little broken noises from Semi’s mouth as if they were just as crucial to his survival as the air filling his lungs.

And maybe they were, because now that Tendou had finally gotten Semi, he couldn’t picture his life without him.

“Okay,” said Semi, breathy. He pushed his foot against Tendou’s shoulder, gently, and pried him off. “That’s good, I’m… I’m good.”

“You sure?” asked Tendou with a grin. “I could do this all night.”

The room was dark, but not quite dark enough to hide the low flush across Semi’s cheeks. He tried to disguise it with a scowl as he kicked a leg around Tendou’s waist and flung him to the side, rolling them over in a struggle of limbs that ended with Semi sitting perched over Tendou, knees spread wide on either side of Tendou’s hips. Tendou took in the sight of him, silhouetted against the light streaming in from the living room. Even with his face cast into shadows, the shape of his features was clear. His hair was rumpled, and his eyes were darker than Tendou had ever seen them. Tendou’s gaze dipped lower, down a firm chest and a lean stomach, and caught on the glint of metal just below the head of Semi’s cock. Semi licked his lips again and Tendou said, “Okay, if you insist.”

Semi snorted, and the smirk that twisted his mouth was fleeting. “That didn’t take much convincing.”

“I’d do anything you told me to,” said Tendou, the honesty spilling out of him like the first wave of a flood. “Especially when you’re looking at me like that. You should be careful with that face of yours, Semi-Semi. It’s basically a weapon.”

Semi rolled his eyes, the corner of his mouth twitching as he leaned down to kiss Tendou. This one was softer, their lips fitting together and peeling apart, a gentle intimacy that made Tendou melt.

Then Semi pushed his hips back, rubbing himself against Tendou, and suddenly breathing was nearly impossible. Semi broke away and reached off to the side, pinching a condom between his thumb and forefinger. “We’ll use this if you want,” he said, “but I got tested when I left Kenjirou. Doesn’t matter to me either way, but I’m clean, so if you are, we could-”

Tendou flicked the condom out of Semi’s hand and pulled him back down for another kiss. One of his hands found its way to Semi’s hair, sifting through feathery strands of silk. His fingers were gentle, at first.

Then Semi sank onto him without warning, dropping in one swift push, and Tendou’s grip went tight.

Tendou sucked in a breath that tasted of Semi’s mouth. His exhale morphed into a moan that sang in harmony with Semi’s, their voices loud enough to block out the distant din of the neighbor’s television. Semi rolled his hips back, and the heat and squeeze of him left Tendou reeling.

The drag of Semi’s voice gained coherence, shaping into a pepper of profanities mingled with Tendou’s name. He rocked himself onto Tendou with a pace that quickly built faster, the squeak of the mattress blending with breathy moans. Tendou kept one hand in Semi’s hair and curled the other around a lean hip, licking his way back into Semi’s mouth, bucking his own hips up at an angle that left Semi gasping. 

Tendou had experienced a handful of one night stands that had gone something like this. He’d ended up in his bed or someone else’s, a veritable stranger perched atop him with a throat full of moans. Tendou had enjoyed himself on most of those occasions, but this was different. Anything with Semi would always be different. It was more present, tangible in a way he’d never felt, just the feeling of Semi enough to leave him winded. 

“Eita.”

Semi pressed his forehead against Tendou’s shoulder, his hair brushing Tendou’s jaw. His hand had curled over Tendou’s shoulder, the nails biting into skin. 

“You’re perfect.” Tendou didn’t mean to say it, but it was so blindingly true that he didn’t take it back. “Eita, you’re perfect.”

Semi made a muffled sound, burrowing more snugly against Tendou’s shoulder.

Tendou slipped his fingers out of Semi’s hair and traced them down the smooth slope of his back. When he went low enough, he dipped his hand between them and curled it around Semi’s cock.

Semi’s entire body went stiff, a choked sound hissing between his teeth.

Tendou turned his head to kiss Semi’s neck, his mouth gentle even as he started pumping Semi at a firm pace. Semi ground down against him, chasing pleasure, his body sweat-slick against Tendou’s.

“Satori.” His fingers dug harder into Tendou’s shoulder. “Fuck. Don’t stop, don’t… _fuck_!” 

Tendou thrust his hips up, driving deep, and Semi tightened around him as he came over Tendou’s hand. The pulse of Semi's orgasm and the bliss etched across his face was enough to send Tendou spiraling off of the edge with him, pleasure blossoming in his blood like a sky full of fireworks. His hips moved as he rode it out, sucking in air like he was on the verge of suffocation. Semi’s breath was in his ear, and Semi’s heat was _everywhere_ , and although it was overwhelming, it was also transcendent. 

Semi slouched onto his side, boneless, one arm draped across Tendou despite the mess. His features had smoothed out. Unlike his everyday expression, there wasn’t a single crease in his brow.

Tendou watched him, but he didn’t move. He was content exactly where he was, with Semi’s heat pressed into his side. Tendou could have stayed right there forever.

“I’m not moving,” mumbled Semi, reflecting his thoughts. “Ever.”

“Okay,” said Tendou. “We’ll just lay here until we die.”

“Deal.”

Tendou stroked a hand through Semi’s hair and was rewarded with a soft sigh. His eyes drifted closed, and although he needed to get up, he didn’t have a single ounce of motivation. 

He was a heartbeat away from sleep when Semi said, “Hey, Satori?”

“Mnn?”

“Can I stay over?”

“I’d be disappointed if you didn’t, after that.”

Semi huffed a laugh. The bed shifted, and Tendou cracked his eyes open to see Semi push himself upright. “I think I need a shower.”

“Yeah, okay,” said Tendou. “Me too.” 

But saying it and meaning it were two different things, and he didn’t move.

A minute later Semi asked, “You sure about that?”

“Mmhmm.”

“C’mon, we’ll shower together. Team effort.”

That gave Tendou a little encouragement. It still took entirely too long for him to roll out of bed, but he made it. Twenty minutes later he was leaning against the shower wall, letting the hot water wash away Semi’s come that had dried on his stomach. He idly scratched at it with his nails, the stiffness pulling at his body hair. He should’ve gotten up sooner.

Semi peeled the curtain back and stepped in alongside him. He ducked his head under the spray and used both hands to push his hair back. “Move back a little, I need more room.”

Tendou mumbled an affirmative and slipped further back so Semi could clean himself.

It was a cramped space, but for once, Tendou was grateful for the small shower. It meant that every time Semi moved, part of his body rubbed up against Tendou’s. When Semi was satisfied with his own hygiene, he lathered up his hands and attempted to scrub some of the dried come away from Tendou’s skin. He was moderately successful.

When Tendou was as clean as he cared to be, he nudged Semi’s hands away and pulled him close by his shoulders, tilting his head down to kiss him. It didn’t have the same urgency as before. Their lips were slow, languid. Tendou traced the lines of Semi’s body from the base of his neck down to his thighs and back up. “You’re perfect, Semi-Semi.”

“You said that already.” Semi smiled up at him. “Maybe you’re the one who’s drunk.”

“No, not drunk. Just honest.”

Semi rolled his eyes, but didn’t bother arguing.

Tendou didn’t have a spare set of sheets, so when they finished their shower, he simply stripped off the dirty top layer and threw down a couple of blankets instead. They weren’t full-sized, so he and Semi had to lie closely together to stay covered. Neither of them minded. 

“Thanks for inviting me over,” said Semi, when they’d settled in. His head was on Tendou’s chest, their legs tangled. 

“You kinda invited yourself.”

Semi kicked him, so gently that it was more of a nudge. “You weren’t complaining about it.”

“I would never.”

Silence fell between them. It was cozy, peaceful. 

Before Tendou drifted off, he threaded his fingers through the back of Semi’s hair and said, “Thanks, Eita.”

“What for?”

“I don’t know. Everything, I guess. Just for being here.”

“Don’t thank me for something like that,” said Semi. “I don’t want to be anywhere else.”

A few minutes later, Tendou said, “Are you going to stick around in the morning or run out on me again?”

“Shut up, Satori.”

That sounded like _goodnight_ , and Tendou fell asleep with a smile on his face.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you've followed this fic all the way through, please know that I absolutely adore you. Thank you. ♡

Tendou stood in front of his bathroom mirror, his shirt untucked and a tie draped limply around his neck. He’d rented the suit and all of the accessories the week before, but he hadn’t considered until now that he’d never dressed this formally before. He wasn’t sure what to do.

There was a knock from the main room, followed by a raised voice. “Satori? I’m coming in.”

For the first time, Tendou regretted giving Semi a key to the apartment. Tendou had planned to be dressed and ready to go by the time he arrived. 

“One minute, Semi-Semi!” he called, struggling to tuck his shirt in. “I’m making myself presentable!”

From somewhere much too close, Semi snorted. “When have you ever been presentable?”

The half-closed bathroom door creaked open and Semi peered in at him, skeptical. Tendou froze with his badly knotted tie wrapped around his fingers, momentarily forgetting his struggle.

Tendou had already seen Semi’s suit, but it had been hanging neatly in a wardrobe at the time. Seeing it on Semi was an entirely different story. 

It was slim fitting, black on black, as was to be expected. Tendou had decided that Semi’s fashion sense hadn’t gotten better over the years; he’d just started wearing black so he couldn’t clash colors. Black jacket, black shirt, black tie, shiny black shoes… it may have been excessive on someone else, but on Semi it was perfect.

“Damn,” said Tendou, the curse leaving him on a low exhale. “You look great, Eita.”

Semi scowled and fidgeted with his hair. He’d smoothed it back from his face in a way Tendou had never seen. “It isn’t too much?”

Tendou gave up on his tie and slipped an arm around Semi’s waist. “It’s perfect. You’re perfect, as usual.”

Semi rolled his eyes, but there was the faintest touch of color across his cheeks. “Shut up. Why aren’t you ready yet? We need to go soon or we’ll be late.”

“Right.” Tendou took a step back and looked down at himself. “I’m having, uh… problems.”

“Of course you are.” Semi half-smiled, but it was fond rather than condescending. He unknotted Tendou’s tie and started fresh, looping it around his neck and folding it expertly. He cinched the knot at his throat, mercifully loose, and stepped back to admire his work. “That should be okay. Just don’t pull at it when you get fidgety.”

“I would never.”

Semi raised a skeptical brow. “Sure you wouldn't. Where’s your jacket?” 

Tendou made a vague gesture, but Semi seemed to understand. He disappeared into the bedroom and returned with the gray jacket draped over his arm. Charcoal, technically; the salesperson at the store had been very adamant that it wasn’t _gray_.

“Turn around.”

Tendou did so, slipping his arms into the sleeves as Semi adjusted it across his shoulders. Semi spun him back around and buttoned up the front, smoothing it down with his palms before stepping back to appraise him.

Semi studied him for so long that Tendou glanced to the side, checking himself in the mirror to see if something was wrong.

“I never could’ve pictured you in a suit,” said Semi thoughtfully, “but it works for you. You look good, Satori.”

Tendou felt warm. “Thanks, Semi-Semi.”

“At least you got your hair sorted out before I got here,” said Semi, “or we’d definitely be late. You ready now?” 

Tendou took one more look at himself in the mirror, but only for a second. His eyes were drawn to Semi’s reflection instead. Maybe Tendou looked alright, but Semi was a masterpiece. “Whenever you are.”

  
  
  
  
  
The wedding reception was held in one of the city’s largest venues. Tendou didn’t think much about that until he and Semi arrived and Tendou was overwhelmed by the sheer number of people. Reon had always been extremely well-liked, so it was no surprise that his wedding was a big event. Still, Tendou felt cramped as Semi led the way across the sweeping floor, miraculously locating Yamagata in the crowd.

“I’ve never been so happy to see you guys,” said Yamagata as the two of them seated themselves across from him. There were small flakes of paper on the table, and Tendou suspected Yamagata had been picking his napkin apart. “Apparently Reon knows everyone in Tokyo. This is ridiculous.”

Semi shrugged as a waiter flitted over to pour water into their glasses. “Mariko has a big family, too. They both invited a lot of people.”

“I would think you’d be happy about it,” said Tendou, grinning at Yamagata across the table. “There’s probably a lot of single women here.”

“I can’t pick up girls at a wedding,” said Yamagata, affronted. “That’s in bad taste.”

“What he means,” said Semi, “is that he can’t pick up women who are sober. If they’re not halfway to wasted, they’re not interested.”

Tendou cackled, loudly enough that everyone within a 30-yard range glanced toward them. Yamagata’s jaw went slack, as if he’d been gravely wounded.

Tendou was still recovering from his laughter when a new voice joined them. 

“Can I sit here?”

Tendou blinked up at the new arrival, who hovered beside Yamagata. It took a few seconds for recognition to settle in. When it did, Tendou leapt to his feet. “Taichi! Look at my best little kouhai, all grown up!”

Kawanishi was not impressed by the attention. He pulled out the chair next to Yamagata and sat. “I see you haven’t changed.” He looked to Semi, addressing him instead of Tendou. “I guess they’re still at the ceremony?”

“Looks like it. It should be over soon.”

Kawanishi nodded and sat back, scanning the rest of the attendees. His hair was longer than Tendou remembered, but otherwise he looked the same. His attitude certainly hadn’t changed, and Tendou had a fond swell of nostalgia.

He wanted to ask Kawanishi why he hadn’t pursued volleyball after high school. He’d been talented, if lacking motivation, but he could have been successful if he’d put his mind to it.

Tendou stopped himself before he mentioned it. It would probably be the most hypocritical thing he’d ever said, and he didn’t want to open the topic of his own choices.

It was obvious when the wedding party arrived. The guests stood in a quick ripple starting at the door, polite applause ringing up to the high ceiling as Reon and Mariko strolled down the middle of the massive room, arm-in-arm.

Tendou knew he should be quiet and courteous, but that didn’t stop him from shoving a pair of fingers in his mouth and whistling, loud and sharp. Semi slapped his hand away, cursing under his breath, and several disapproving stares floating in their direction. Reon wasn’t offended, though. He waved at them, smiling, and Mariko covered her mouth to hide a laugh.

It was the first time Tendou had seen her in person. Reon had showed him pictures, but they hadn’t done justice. Mariko was lovely, and Tendou thought she and Reon made a perfect pair.

Not quite as perfect as he and Semi, who dragged him back into his seat as soon as the wedding party had passed by. 

“Do you want to get kicked out of a wedding?” hissed Semi. “Is that on your bucket list?”

“I’m just being supportive of our friend. Take a breath.”

Semi rolled his eyes up at the ceiling, as if looking for patience, but Tendou swore there was a touch of a smile at the edge of his mouth.

Shortly after Reon and Mariko had been seated, the waitstaff began delivering food. It was a little too fancy for Tendou’s taste, and he couldn’t identify all of the vegetables with absolute certainty, but he ate it anyway. He’d never been to a wedding before; it was an interesting experience.

“You’ve never been to a wedding?” asked Semi, when Tendou said so. “Seriously?”

“I’ve never known anyone who’s gotten married. Have you?”

“Well yeah, Eiko got married last year.”

Tendou’s spoon slipped through his fingers, sending a small splash of soup over the side of his bowl. “ _What_? Eiko-chan is too young to be married!” He thought of Semi’s little sister, running around the house when Tendou had gone over to visit, throwing mini tantrums when Semi refused to let her hang out with them. 

“She’s twenty-one,” said Semi flatly. He sipped his own soup with perfect etiquette. 

She’d only been sixteen the last time Tendou had seen her. He couldn’t picture it, and he felt guilty for not asking about her before now.

“We don’t talk much,” added Semi, easing a little of the guilt. “She moved to Toyama. You’ll see her on the holidays and she’ll be just as annoying as ever.”

That sounded like an invitation to spend the holidays with Semi’s family, one given with such ease that Semi hadn’t even considered an alternative. 

Tendou returned to his soup, but his smile lingered.

There were several courses of food, and a dessert that was perhaps the best thing Tendou had ever eaten. Afterward, the attendants cleared the tables and then cleared the middle of the floor. The low music that had been playing in the background since their arrival was turned up, and Reon took Mariko’s hand to guide her to the center of the floor.

They were a picture perfect couple; not just their appearances, but the way they smiled at one another as if there was no one else in the world. Tendou was happy for Reon. He deserved to have someone like that, with that much love in her eyes.

Semi caught his wrist before he could whistle again. “I swear I will drag you out of here. I’m not kidding.”

Tendou grinned and leaned his shoulder into Semi’s. “That would make an even bigger scene. Have some manners, Eita.”

Kawanishi looked between the pair of them, expressionless. He’d probably figured it out already. He’d always been a smart kid.

After the first dance had concluded, there was a polite smatter of applause. Reon and Mariko bowed to their guests, still glowing. Another song started up and they stepped into rhythm again. This time, several other couples trickled onto the dance floor alongside them, keeping to the edges to give the newlyweds plenty of space. Tendou swayed along with the music, the notes slow and honeyed.

“We should go dance, Semi-Semi,” said Tendou, nudging him. “Show these people how to have a good time.”

Semi’s chin was propped in his hand. He barely glanced over at the suggestion. “First off, I’m pretty sure you can’t dance.”

“I’m offended you would say that.”

“Second,” continued Semi, “Reon wouldn’t mind, but Mariko might. I haven’t been around her enough to know how she feels about… this.” The wave of his hand was vague, but Tendou knew exactly what he meant.

Even if Mariko was personally okay with their relationship, she may still have reservations about them making it public among her friends and family. It was reasonable to assume she wouldn’t want to offend anyone.

“I was just joking, Semi-Semi,” said Tendou. He pretended not to be disappointed.

“Have you guys seen Wakatoshi?” asked Yamagata, swiveling to search over his shoulder. Tendou didn’t know if he was changing the subject on purpose, or if he was just easily distracted. “He’s here, right?”

“He went to the ceremony,” said Semi, “so he’s probably sitting somewhere else. We’ll catch up with him later.”

After a few songs, Reon and Mariko broke away to take a rest from dancing. They made a circuit around the room, greeting their guests and expressing gratitude for their company. By the time they made it around to Tendou’s table, he was antsy enough that he hopped out of his chair and yanked Reon into a hug. Reon breathed a low _Oof_ , but hugged him back, his hand warm on Tendou’s shoulder.

“Congrats, Reon!” said Tendou, too loudly. “I wish you all the happiness in the world. Which should be easy for you, considering how lovely your wife is.”

Mariko smiled, not cowed by Tendou’s demeanor.

“Satori, _sit down_.”

“It’s fine,” said Reon, waving off Semi’s admonishment. “We don’t want this to be too formal. Relax and come here.”

Semi sighed, but stood and embraced Reon. He seemed less uptight when they broke apart. “Congratulations, man. To you too, Mariko-kun. You look beautiful.”

Mariko thanked him as Reon leaned over the table to shake Yamagata and Kawanishi’s hands. Before the pair of them moved to the next table, Reon clasped Semi’s shoulder and nodded toward the dance floor. “You’re welcome to join in. It’s not a problem. Anyone who says otherwise is unwelcome here.” He patted Semi on the back and moved away to greet another set of guests. 

“He isn’t just saying that to be polite,” said Mariko. Her voice was low and sweet, and made Tendou think of lilacs. That may have just been because of the pale purple petals woven into her braided hair. “This party is for all of our guests to enjoy, no matter who they choose to enjoy it with. Please, be yourselves. We’re happy to have you.” Her smile could have lit up a midnight sky. She went to join her husband, and Tendou was thrilled that this was the woman Reon had chosen to marry.

“I like her,” said Tendou firmly. “That’s the first time I’ve ever talked to her, but she’s at least in my top ten favorite people. Maybe higher.”

“Mariko is great. Reon’s lucky.”

Tendou couldn’t contest that, but Reon wasn’t the only one who was lucky. He held out a hand, trying to pull his face into something serious. “Dance with me, Eita.”

Semi stared at his hand, then up at his face. “I still think you can’t dance.”

“I’ll figure it out.”

Semi shook his head, but slipped his hand into Tendou’s and went with him to the dance floor. They kept to the outer edge, away from the bulk of couples already present.

Semi wasn’t wrong. Tendou had no idea how to dance, not in a situation like this. Still, he was willing to fake it. He threaded their fingers together and put one hand at Semi’s waist, keeping them a respectable distance apart as he tried to fall into step with the slow, smooth music. Semi rested a hand on his shoulder, mouth tilting with a smirk.

“You have no idea what you’re doing.”

“I’m dancing,” said Tendou, aiming for confidence. “I’m an excellent dancer.”

“You’re hopeless.” The insult was fond, and Semi’s hand slipped to the back of Tendou’s neck, drawing them a bit closer. Some of the other guests were looking at them, but it seemed to be with curiosity rather than blatant disapproval. Tendou’s shoulders relaxed a little. 

They swayed together, awkward and offbeat. Despite what Semi said, he didn’t seem to mind. He wore a half-smile and seemed perfectly at ease. His eyeliner was more muted than usual, and he’d traded out the silver piercings in his ear for matte black studs to match his suit. 

Tendou wondered if he’d changed out his other piercings too, but now wasn’t the time to ask.

“I’d kiss you right now,” said Tendou, “if it wasn’t so inappropriate.”

“Maybe you know how to be civil after all.” Semi brushed a thumb along Tendou’s jaw before slipping his hand back into place behind Tendou’s neck. 

The song ended, and the two of them drifted off of the dance floor. Before they made it back to their table, Tendou spotted Ushijima on the opposite side of the room. He cut in that direction instead and Semi followed along behind him.

“Wakatoshi, there you are!” Tendou realized his voice was a shade too loud and tried to tone it down. “That’s a nice suit. You look absolutely dapper.”

“Thank you,” said Ushijima, as calm as ever.

Tendou realized, belatedly, that Ushijima wasn’t alone. Tendou had been so focused that he hadn’t noticed Shirabu seated beside him.

Awkwardness tried to descend, and Tendou fought it away. “Ah, Kenjirou-kun! Didn’t see you there. How’s my favorite kouhai?”

“Tsutomu is your favorite,” said Shirabu, indifferent.

Tendou shrugged and didn’t bother arguing. “Who could blame me? He’s adorable. And much friendlier than some of my kouhais, if you catch my drift.”

Shirabu didn’t react to that. Instead he looked to Semi and said, “That was the worst dancing I’ve ever seen. I was embarrassed just watching. Do you want a real dance?”

It should have been a stinging insult, but Shirabu didn’t deliver it as one. He said it in the same neutral tone as ever.

Semi glanced at Tendou, as if gauging his reaction. Tendou shrugged, and Semi said, “Sure, why not.”

Shirabu pushed his chair back and circled the table, leading the way to the dance floor. Semi gave Tendou a look before following.

Tendou dropped into Shirabu’s abandoned seat, stretching his legs out in front of him. “How’s it going, Wakatoshi? Having a good time?”

“It is a nice reception,” said Ushijima. “The ceremony was charming, also. I am quite happy for Reon.”

“Yeah, he’s done well for himself. I think he’ll be happy.”

Ushijima nodded his agreement and sipped at his glass of water.

Tendou tried not to look at the dance floor, but his stare honed in on it without his permission. Semi and Shirabu were easy to pick out of the crowd. He expected to feel something at the sight of them dancing: jealousy, guilt, insecurity. But all he felt was a swell of fondness when Shirabu mumbled something that made Semi smile.

They looked good together. Tendou couldn’t deny that. Semi was taller, but not by much. He was stunning as usual, but Shirabu cleaned up good, too. His suit was a shade lighter than Tendou’s, well-fitted, as if it had been tailored rather than rented. It was only as Tendou watched them dance that he realized how awkward he’d been out there. Shirabu led the dance, one hand clasped around Semi’s, the other resting on his waist in the same spot Tendou’s had been a few minutes before. His movements were smooth, confident, and Semi fell into step easily. It seemed like they’d practiced, and Tendou realized they probably had.

“Kenjirou’s parents put him in dance lessons when he was young,” said Ushijima. He was watching them as well. “He did not care for it, but retained the basics.”

That was a very specific piece of personal trivia. Tendou wondered if Shirabu had told him that recently, maybe right before Tendou and Semi had wandered over. 

“So…” Tendou hesitated before asking. He’d wanted to know for weeks, but had been waiting for Ushijima to bring up the subject on his own time. Now, though, it was impossible to keep his mouth shut. “What’s up with you and Kenjirou?”

Ushijima pondered that, still watching Semi and Shirabu. “I am not certain. We may be here as a couple. It was unclear.”

“What was unclear about it?”

“When I informed Kenjirou I was attending the wedding, he said he would meet me here. I am unsure if he meant as a date or as friends.”

Tendou grinned. “Pretty sure it’s a date, Waka.”

Ushijima nodded, solemn. “I believe you are right.”

“How’s that going? You and Kenjirou. Is this your first time out together?”

“We had coffee last week,” said Ushijima, “just to talk. It may or may not have been a date.”

Tendou leaned back, tilting his chair onto the back two legs. “I would guess Kenjirou considered it one. So this is date number two. You’re on a roll, Waka.”

“I do not know if it will work out,” said Ushijima, frowning, “but I enjoy spending time with him.”

“Make sure you tell him that. It’s a nice thing to say to your date.”

Ushijima accepted that advice with a nod. 

Semi and Shirabu returned a minute later. Shirabu stared pointedly at Tendou until he vacated his chair. 

“You kids have fun,” said Tendou, slipping an arm through Semi’s. “We’ll see ya before we leave.”

They returned to their table, which was still occupied by Yamagata and Kawanishi. The two of them were absorbed in something on Kawanishi’s phone and barely glanced up.

Semi sat with a sigh, leaning into Tendou’s shoulder. “Was that weird?”

“Dancing with him? Nah, should it be?”

Semi folded his arms and shrugged. “I don’t think so. I just don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“I’m fine, Semi-Semi. Do whatever you want with Kenjirou. I’m not worried.” As he said it, he was mildly surprised to find it was true.

“Good.” Semi reached for his hand. “You shouldn’t be.”

Yamagata made a fake gagging sound from across the table. “Give me a break, guys. You’re disgusting.”

Semi flipped him off, but quickly remembered where he was and dropped his hand, glancing around to see if anyone had noticed. Tendou laughed and squeezed Semi’s fingers.

The evening passed calmly. A few of their other teammates from high school were scattered among the crowd, players that hadn’t been on the starting lineup but had practiced with them for years. It was nice seeing them again, if only to see how they’d changed. 

About half an hour after Soekawa had found them, Tendou scanned the room, wondering if there were any other familiar faces that he’d missed. His eyes idly skated across the dance floor, but quickly snapped back. “Is that _Tsutomu_?”

Semi leaned closer, following his stare. 

Tendou had wondered why he hadn’t seen Goshiki yet. He’d assumed he hadn’t been able to make it, because typically Goshiki would have been bouncing around their table, overexcited that they were all gathered together again.

Tendou understood why he’d been distant.

Goshiki was dancing with a young woman who must have been close to his age. Her hair was pinned back neatly to expose a face of high cheekbones and perfect features. Even from that distance Tendou could see the flutter of her eyelashes, as dark as her hair. She was nearly as tall as Goshiki, and if Tendou had seen her on the street, he would have assumed she was a model.

“Get it, Tsutomu,” said Tendou, more to himself than any of his tablemates. “Who knew the kid could get a girl like _that_?”

Yamagata twisted around to look, and when he turned back, he was utterly offended. “What the hell, man? How did that happen when I can’t even get a girl to stick around for more than two dates?”

“Maybe it’s not serious,” said Semi. He was only trying to appease Yamagata. It was clear by the way the two of them swayed together on the dancefloor, close and intimate, that they knew each other quite well.

“Tsutomu, of all people. I feel betrayed.” Yamagata leaned his forehead into his palm with a sigh. He gave Kawanishi a side glance and said, “What about you? Do you have a girlfriend?”

Kawanishi’s face didn’t change. “I feel I shouldn’t answer that.”

Yamagata spiraled into self-pity, and Tendou sat back and laughed.

It wasn’t long before Kawanishi had reached his limit with the festivities. He said a quiet goodbye and slipped away. Yamagata left their table soon after, but rather than leaving, he invited himself to the table that hosted Mariko’s family and introduced himself to all of her sisters. Tendou would have been content to sit there all night and watch him strike out, but Semi nudged him and said, “You ready to go?”

“Right behind you.”

They tracked Reon down to give him a farewell and one last round of congratulations. Ushijima was with him, and they said goodbye to him, too. When they left the venue it was late, but over the past couple of weeks, the weather had shifted. It was no longer freezing as they started walking, arm in arm. 

“Want to come over?” asked Semi, as they hustled through a crosswalk that blinked yellow. 

“I think you should come over to my place instead.” Tendou pulled Semi closer. “If Wakatoshi brings his date home it might be awkward for all of us.”

“Good point. Your place it is.” He didn’t seem bothered by the prospect of Ushijima and Shirabu together. In fact, he was smiling a little.

“Waka said they were maybe on an actual date.”

“Maybe?” repeated Semi. “Kenjirou said it’s their second date and they’ve already scheduled another one for next week.”

Tendou laughed. “He’s probably right. You know how Wakatoshi is. He won’t be sure until Kenjirou works up the nerve to kiss him.” He glanced at Semi and said, “Are you okay with it? The two of them, together.”

“It’s a little weird, but not as much as I thought it would be.” He pulled his arm back, but caught Tendou’s hand instead. “It might actually work. I hope it does, for their sake. Kenjirou is aggressive as fuck during sex, though. I hope Wakatoshi can handle him.”

Tendou didn’t think that would be an issue, not in the way Semi was thinking.

“So…” said Tendou, dragging out the word. “You don’t have any regrets, then?”

They drew to a stop out front of Tendou’s apartment building. The venue hadn’t been far. Tendou half expected Semi to reach for a cigarette, but he didn’t. Tendou hadn’t seen him smoke at all in the past week. “That’s a stupid fucking question, Satori.”

Tendou shrugged. “Just thought I’d ask.”

Semi took Tendou’s face in his hands. His palms were warm. “I have regrets about a lot of things, but not about this. Not about you. That’s one thing I actually did right. It just took me too damn long.”

Tendou pressed a hand over one of Semi’s, holding it there. “I would’ve waited longer. Forever, if I had to.”

Semi rolled his eyes, but his smile was unmistakable. “You’re a fucking sap.”

“Maybe.” He peeled Semi’s hands away, draped his arms over Semi’s shoulders. “I love you, Eita. You know that?”

Semi’s hands slipped beneath Tendou’s jacket, smoothing around his waist and pressing into his back. “Yeah. I love you, too. I have for a long time.”

They kissed under the glow of the streetlights. Semi tasted of paradise, and Tendou had never been happier.

They’d spent a long five years apart, and Tendou knew he was to blame for it. Semi had forgiven him, but Tendou hadn’t forgiven himself, not just yet. Maybe in five more years, or ten, or more. No matter how long it took, he only hoped Semi would still be right there with him.

**Author's Note:**

> Updates will be every Saturday!


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